Monday, September 12, 2005

Freaked Out

It has been four days and I haven't reported from work. Last week, I said that I was sick. Today, I didn't say a thing. I just turned my fone off. The truth is, I am freaking out! I still have no clue on what to do. I have been praying and asking God for answers. I don't if I had already received them and just didn't recognize it or He was leaving me to decide on my own. Last night, I have dreamt mostly about death and impossible situations happening. I'm not sure if the answers were hidden behind those dreams.

What's worst is that I am feeling guilty with these absences. My employer is very kind to me and the last thing on my mind is hurting him. I don't have any idea what to say to him. And I don't just want to go back to work with this on my mind. Basically, that is what bothering me the most. I don't want to leave him empty-handed or disappointed on me. It would hurt me a lot if leaving him would 'cause a rift in our relationship. I'm afraid, though, that if I continue, he'd end up disappointed, as well, because I won't be giving my best efforts.

Oh, God. Please give me the wisdom to decipher what to do and the courage to do it...

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