Marami kaming teachers na pumasok in the same year. Most of them, if not all, became good friends of mine. At marami na rin sa kanila ang nilisan ang school in the succeeding years after I left. Iba-iba ang dahilan. May maganda like working abroad at mayro'n din namang hindi kagandahan. Isa sa mga naging close friends ko was accused of stealing. Hindi ko na nalaman pa ang buong kwento dahil ilag din ang iba na pag-usapan ang bagay na 'yun. Not because takot sila sa kanya, but because they just want to protect him. Kaibigan na rin naman nila siya kaya mahirap na maakusahan na naninira. Hindi ko na rin naman natanong ang taong involved dahil alam ko na it's a sensitive matter. I don't want to put him in an awkward position. Nung naging get-together nga namin last time, sabi niya, "Kaya ayokong magpunta sa mga ganito kasi matatanong ako, eh." Although wala naman talagang nagtanong sa kanya about it. Siguro dahil na rin sa mga lalaki lahat, alam ng bawat isa ang limitasyon nila. Saka tapos na rin naman 'yun. There's no point talking about it.
What shocked me though was the reason why J left the school. He just mentioned it in passing last weekend. He just arrived from Texas where he is working now as a teacher. (It was one of the reasons why the get-together was set.) I thought that that was why he had to leave the school, but it was more than that pala. "Nung umalis ako, ay, pinaalis nga pala ako. . ." biro niya. I asked why. "Bakla raw kasi ako!"Hala! 'Di na ko nakaimik pa masyado kasi nagulat ako. Pabiro nga niya nabanggit at patawa-tawa pa pero alam kong masakit din para sa kanya 'yun. Kahit pa sabihing nakabuti rin naman ang pag-alis niya sa school. You see, sa akin niya unang sinabi ang kanyang sexuality. Partly because alam niya na Psychology graduate ako at alam niyang marunong akong makinig. He was in love with a co-teacher then at 'di na niya matiis. He just had to tell someone about it kahit alam naman niyang walang patutunguhan 'yung feelings niya for the guy. Kailangang may mahingahan lang siya ng heartaches, at ng sakit ng pagiging closeted gay. Kaya nga felt free as a bird nang nalantad na ang totoo sa school. 'Di na niya kailangang magtago.
As for me, I wasn't out yet that time. The truth is, 'yung asawa lang ni N na pinaka-close ko sa kanila ang nasabihan ko ng totoo. Maski kay J ay 'di ko pa nasasabi. Wala rin kasi opportunity na makapag-usap kami ng seryoso. Although alam kong alam na niya, judging from my posts in Facebook. Kaya nga minsan nasabi niya na mag-usap daw kami. Pero 'di pa nga lang natutuloy.
'Di ko masabi pa kay N, who just arrived from Indonesia (where he works as a teacher, too) for a vacation, kasi 'di ko alam kung paano sisimulan. Mahirap kasing makipag-usap sa mga lalaki pagdating sa mga ganitong bagay. You wouldn't know how they would take it or how would they react. Saka 'yung extent ng mga bagay na pwede mong sabihin sa kanila. Alin ba 'yung mga kwentong OK lang marinig nila at alin ang mga aspetong medyo too much information na para sa kanila?
I once came out with a straight guy friend through YM. 'Di ko masabi sa kanya in person. At kahit pa YM siya, ang awkward pa rin ng feeling. Ramdam ko pa rin ang uncomfortable silence. But with most of my female friends, I'm out. Minsan nga 'di na kailangang i-explain sa kanila, eh. Understood na. The rest of my male friends, hindi ko pa nasasabi. Although hindi ko naman tinatago. If they'd ask, I'd tell them. Ayoko naman kasing basta i-blurt out na lang. "Pare, I'm gay. OK lang ba sa 'yo?" Besides, I seldom see them, so I see no point in broadcasting my sexuality to them, or even to people I just met.
Anyway, back to J. Dagdag pa niya na he was paid before he was asked to leave. That was blatant discrimination, right? He could've sued the school, but he didn't. He is one of the good teachers I know (Science ang handle niya) at talaga namang may laban siya kung sakali. Obviously, he could've seen it coming since it is an all male school and has a strict religious affiliation at that ('yung grupong super conventional na na-feature sa isang movie)! But he didn't make a scene anymore, kahit pa he has a strong (and quite loud) personality. He felt bad about it pero naging blessing in disguise na rin naman 'yun for him. He came (all) out and decided to pursue his long-time dream of going to the US. In NF, hindi niya maasikaso ang paglipad. Hindi naman sobrang hectic ng sked sa school, but it really has a way of limiting your social life and closing you in its four walls.
Discrimination is a way of telling you that you are not as good as the rest; that you are different and such difference is unacceptable. Pilit na ipamumukha sa 'yo na mahinang klase ka, 'di karapat-dapat sa mga bagay-bagay na tinatamasa nila. Kung mahina kang tao, siguradong bibigay ka. Magpapatalo sa tingin ng iba.
J may not have fought for his rights, but he has just different priorities na rin naman kasi. It isn't a battle that he likes to try. Sa mga ganyang issue naman kasi ng diskriminasyon, hindi masyado uso sa atin ang pakikipaglaban about it. Lalo na't usapang sekswalidad ito. Siguro dala na rin ng tatlong daang (300) taong opresyon ng dayuhan, nakatanim na sa mga ugat natin ang pagsasawalang-kibo sa mga pang-aapak ng mga taong ang tingin sa kanilang sarili ay nakakataas sa iba. Ipinapasa-Diyos na lang natin lahat.
Hindi na rin bago sa akin ang kwentong diskriminisyon. I, myself, had experienced a job-related discrimination. Twice at that! The first one happened 12 years ago, in 1997. . .
to be continued
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