Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Patawa Uli!

From the '70s, punta naman tayo sa '80s. . .

Memorable '80s TV Quotable Quotes & BooBoos


Nap Gutierrez interviewing Manilyn Reynes in Movie Magazine:
Nap: Saan ka movie outfit nakakontrata?
Manilyn: So far, hindi ko naman pinoproblema ang mga wardrobes ko kasi ex-deal
naman, eh.
***
Jullie Yap Daza guesting on Vilma!:
Jullie: O, Vi, nag-guest na ko dito sa show. Ikaw, kailan ka naman mag-ge-guest sa
show ko?
Vilma: Alam mo naman, Tita Jullie, busy kami ni Ralph sa pag-a-arrange ng kasal
namin. Siguro pagkatapos na lang ng marriage!

***
Celia Rodriguez: If I were to compare the stars of my era with the star discoveries of Dr. Rey Dela Cruz, it would be like placing the Taj Majal of India side by side with a
Volkswagen.
(Grabe! Di ko ma-dig ang comparison nito!)

***
Rita Gomez, as one of the judges in a Bb. Pilipinas pageant, asking question to a candidate (who was Maria Isabel Lopez, incidentally):
Rita: Here's your question, hija: Are you still a virgin?
Maria Isabel: If I say I still am, can I bring home the crown tonight?
Rita: Good answer!
Maria Isabel: What about you, Ma'am, are you still a virgin?
Rita: Hija I have 5 children with 5 different fathers, what do you call that, Immaculate Conception?!
(Ayos! Na-sopla ka, no? Smart-smartan kasi, eh! Gleng-gleng talaga ni Ms. Rita!)

***
Vilma Santos: Ang ganda ng gospel number na yon, napaka-enlighting. Teka magpupunas lang ako, I'm sweatening.
(Totoo ba ang mga quotable quotes na ito, Ate Vi?)

***
Vilma: Thank you, Lucky, for the flowers! Where did they came from?
(Si Ate Vi, humahataw talaga!)
***
Margie Moran during the 1973 Miss Universe was asked about the difference between being Miss Universe and a Filipina:
Margie: Being Miss Universe is like having a birthstone, you may lose it. Being a
Filipina is like having a birthmark, it's forever.
(Taray-tarayan! Although sa sensya ngayon, di na applicable ang sagot niya. Hahaha!)
***
Babette Villaruel: Successful naman ang libing ng nanay ko.
(At ano naman ang unsuccessful na libing? Pag tumanggi ang bangkay?!)

***
Vic Sotto: Ano sa mukha mo ang pinaka-asset mo?
Mr. Pogi contestant: Sa tingin ko ang pinaka-asset ko sa mukha ko ay ugali! Mabait kasi ako, eh.
(Matalinong bata!)

***
She's Got the Look contestant: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Ma. Rosario Liboon, I come from the beautiful city of Pangasinan. . .
City!

***
Another She's Got the Look contestant: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Carmelita Hernandez, I come from Pasay City and I want to be a medicine!
(Ambitious ito! Winner talaga!)

***
Edu Manzano: So who's to blame?
Vilma: Excuse me, it's not my fault anymore. It's your fault anymore!
(Uy, si Ate Vi, wish maging comediene!)

***
Overheard from a girl na galit na galit sa kararating na boyfriend sa Starbucks:
My God you're so late. Where did you. . . Where have you. . . Where do you. . .
Saan ka ba galing???

***
Host: Which do you prefer: blonde or dumb?
Girl: Dumb na lang. At least hindi ako mapagkakamalang blonde!
(Ay, ang dumb nga!)

***
Dessa, in a Regine Velasquez concert, sang a "birit" song. After the number, Regine enters:
Dessa: O kala mo ikaw lang ang mataas ang boses. Kaya mo yun?
Regine: Eh ano ngayon, maganda ka ba?
(Joke un, sympre! Pero seryoso si Regine! Hahaha!)

***
Sabrina M makes taray to Osang in a talk show:
Sabrina: At least hindi naman ako katulad ng iba diyan na retokado ang boobs.
Osang: Hoy Sabrina, oo nga itong boobs ko retokado. Pero at least ang ngipin ko hindi pustiso tulad ng sa yo! Ooops huwag kang magagalit baka malaglag yan sa sahig!
(Ito na ang mga cheapanggas ng show biz!)

***
Nadia Montenegro: I am inviting all the televiewers to watch our movie 14 Going Steady on the twenty-twoth of November. . ."
(Ganun?!)

***
Nadia: Sana po'y panoorin natin ang The Life Story Of Julie Vega. Alam kong masaya si Julie ngayon dahil it's just around the corner.
(Ginawa bang X-mas spirit si Julie? Asus!)

***
Melanie Marquez: I am not an addict. I am the victims!

***
Host: "Ano ba ang pinaka-favorite mong movie lately, Melanie?"
Melanie: "Maganda yung kay Emma Thompson at Kate Winslet, yung Simple and Simplicity.
(Baka naman Sense and Sensibility po.)

***
Miss Gay Philippines candidate: "Magandang Tanghali po, ako po si Luzviminda Cortez mula sa Camarines Sur, sumalangit na po ang inyong kaluluwa!"

***
Apa Ongpin: Which of the five senses could you do without?
Filipina contestant: My eyes.
Apa: Why?
Filipina contestant: Because I've got beautiful eyes. (with matching sultry look)
(Zoolander, ikaw ba 'to?)

***
Host: What place in the Philippines would you boast about?
Calendar Girl contestant: Bocaue.
Host: What about Bocaue? What's in it to boast about?
Contestant: Why, the Bocaue rice terraces, of course!
(Onga naman!)

***
Reporter: Mark Anthony, ang cute-cute mo! You've got rosy cheeks just like your mom!
Mark Anthony Fernandez: S'yempre, it runs to the blood, eh."
(Mana talaga ito sa ina! Walang duda!)

***
Boy Abunda: O Melanie, paano na ang showbiz career mo ngayong nagmo-mormon ka na?
Melanie: Ah, okay lang yan, Boy, kasi matagal na rin akong semi-retarded.
(Hindi nga? Talaga?)

***
Kuya Germs: Are you already married?
98 Degrees member: No, i'm still single.
Kuya Germs: Wow! Imagine that! What a koynseedense! Three years ago, you are here, you are single. I am here, I am single. Now, three years after, you are still here, you are still single. I am still here, I am still single! It's anbeeleebabol!
(Grabe talaga, ano?!)

***
Leonardo Litton and Rodel Velayo, guesting on Keep On Dancing
Charlene Gonzales: Hi Leonardo! Hi Rodel! Welcome to Keep On Dancing!
Leonardo Litton: Welcome din po!

***
Eto bloopers sa now defunct game show na GoBingo!

Question: Saan sinusuot ang basketball jersey?
Answer: Sa paa

Question: Anung nationality ng sanggol na may amang Filipino Catholic at Protestanteng Ina?
Answer: American

Question: Ano ang ginagamit ng mga Eskimo sa halikan?
Answer: Dila

Question: Ilan ang paa ng pilay na pusa?
Answer: Tatlo

Question: Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube, pero tinatawag ng iba na boob tube. Ano ito?
Answer: Bra

Question: Anong bukol ang makikita sa leeg ng mga lalaki
Answer: Kiss mark

Question: Ano sa Tagalog ang asul?
Answer: Blue

Question: May dalawang baboy sa kulungan. Tumalon ang isa. Ilan ang paa ng isang baboy?
Answer: Dalawa pa rin

Question: Sa anong bansa nakatira ang mga Hindu?
Answer: Hindunesia

Question: Ano ang isinusuot ng taong walang buhok?
Answer: Kalbo

Question: Ano ang kasunod ng kidlat?
Answer: Sunog
Question: Para saan ang anti-dandruff shampoo?
Answer: Kuto

Question: Kung manicure sa kamay, ano ang sa paa?
Answer: Kuko

Question: Ano ang nasa gitna ng donut?
Answer: Palaman

Question: What is the capital of the Philippines?
Answer: P


Also read: Patawa!

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