Nap Gutierrez interviewing Manilyn Reynes in Movie Magazine:
Nap: Saan ka movie outfit nakakontrata?
Manilyn: So far, hindi ko naman pinoproblema ang mga wardrobes ko kasi ex-deal
naman, eh.
Jullie Yap Daza guesting on Vilma!:
Jullie: O, Vi, nag-guest na ko dito sa show. Ikaw, kailan ka naman mag-ge-guest sa
show ko?
Vilma: Alam mo naman, Tita Jullie, busy kami ni Ralph sa pag-a-arrange ng kasal
namin. Siguro pagkatapos na lang ng marriage!
***
Celia Rodriguez: If I were to compare the stars of my era with the star discoveries of Dr. Rey Dela Cruz, it would be like placing the Taj Majal of India side by side with a
Volkswagen.
***
Rita: Here's your question, hija: Are you still a virgin?
Maria Isabel: If I say I still am, can I bring home the crown tonight?
Rita: Good answer!
Rita: Hija I have 5 children with 5 different fathers, what do you call that, Immaculate Conception?!
(Ayos! Na-sopla ka, no? Smart-smartan kasi, eh! Gleng-gleng talaga ni Ms. Rita!)
***
Vilma Santos: Ang ganda ng gospel number na yon, napaka-enlighting. Teka magpupunas lang ako, I'm sweatening.
***
Vilma: Thank you, Lucky, for the flowers! Where did they came from?
Margie Moran during the 1973 Miss Universe was asked about the difference between being Miss Universe and a Filipina:
Filipina is like having a birthmark, it's forever.
Babette Villaruel: Successful naman ang libing ng nanay ko.
***
Vic Sotto: Ano sa mukha mo ang pinaka-asset mo?
(Matalinong bata!)
***
She's Got the Look contestant: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Ma. Rosario Liboon, I come from the beautiful city of Pangasinan. . .
***
Another She's Got the Look contestant: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Carmelita Hernandez, I come from Pasay City and I want to be a medicine!
***
Edu Manzano: So who's to blame?
Vilma: Excuse me, it's not my fault anymore. It's your fault anymore!
***
Overheard from a girl na galit na galit sa kararating na boyfriend sa Starbucks:
***
Host: Which do you prefer: blonde or dumb?
Girl: Dumb na lang. At least hindi ako mapagkakamalang blonde!
***
Dessa, in a Regine Velasquez concert, sang a "birit" song. After the number, Regine enters:
Dessa: O kala mo ikaw lang ang mataas ang boses. Kaya mo yun?
Regine: Eh ano ngayon, maganda ka ba?
***
Sabrina M makes taray to Osang in a talk show:
Sabrina: At least hindi naman ako katulad ng iba diyan na retokado ang boobs.
Osang: Hoy Sabrina, oo nga itong boobs ko retokado. Pero at least ang ngipin ko hindi pustiso tulad ng sa yo! Ooops huwag kang magagalit baka malaglag yan sa sahig!
(Ito na ang mga cheapanggas ng show biz!)
***
Nadia Montenegro: I am inviting all the televiewers to watch our movie 14 Going Steady on the twenty-twoth of November. . ."
***
***
Melanie Marquez: I am not an addict. I am the victims!
***
Host: "Ano ba ang pinaka-favorite mong movie lately, Melanie?"
Melanie: "Maganda yung kay Emma Thompson at Kate Winslet, yung Simple and Simplicity.
***
Miss Gay Philippines candidate: "Magandang Tanghali po, ako po si Luzviminda Cortez mula sa Camarines Sur, sumalangit na po ang inyong kaluluwa!"
***
Apa Ongpin: Which of the five senses could you do without?
Filipina contestant: My eyes.
***
Host: What place in the Philippines would you boast about?
(Onga naman!)
***
Reporter: Mark Anthony, ang cute-cute mo! You've got rosy cheeks just like your mom!
***
Boy Abunda: O Melanie, paano na ang showbiz career mo ngayong nagmo-mormon ka na?
Melanie: Ah, okay lang yan, Boy, kasi matagal na rin akong semi-retarded.
***
Kuya Germs: Are you already married?
98 Degrees member: No, i'm still single.
Kuya Germs: Wow! Imagine that! What a koynseedense! Three years ago, you are here, you are single. I am here, I am single. Now, three years after, you are still here, you are still single. I am still here, I am still single! It's anbeeleebabol!
***
Leonardo Litton and Rodel Velayo, guesting on Keep On Dancing
Charlene Gonzales: Hi Leonardo! Hi Rodel! Welcome to Keep On Dancing!
Leonardo Litton: Welcome din po!
***
Eto bloopers sa now defunct game show na GoBingo!
Question: Saan sinusuot ang basketball jersey?
Answer: Sa paa
Question: Anung nationality ng sanggol na may amang Filipino Catholic at Protestanteng Ina?
Answer: American
Question: Ano ang ginagamit ng mga Eskimo sa halikan?
Answer: Dila
Question: Ilan ang paa ng pilay na pusa?
Answer: Tatlo
Question: Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube, pero tinatawag ng iba na boob tube. Ano ito?
Answer: Bra
Question: Anong bukol ang makikita sa leeg ng mga lalaki
Answer: Kiss mark
Question: Ano sa Tagalog ang asul?
Answer: Blue
Question: May dalawang baboy sa kulungan. Tumalon ang isa. Ilan ang paa ng isang baboy?
Answer: Dalawa pa rin
Question: Sa anong bansa nakatira ang mga Hindu?
Answer: Hindunesia
Question: Ano ang isinusuot ng taong walang buhok?
Answer: Kalbo
Question: Ano ang kasunod ng kidlat?
Answer: Sunog
Answer: Kuto
Question: Kung manicure sa kamay, ano ang sa paa?
Answer: Kuko
Question: Ano ang nasa gitna ng donut?
Answer: Palaman
Question: What is the capital of the Philippines?
Answer: P
Also read: Patawa!
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