Goodbyes

"Jheck, wala na si tatay, " were the words I received from Elma last April 10. Although it was expected since her father has been gravely ill these past few months, you couldn't help but be shock when that moment of passing came. When I read that message, I know that anytime soon tears would be falling down my face. I feel for Elma. She has been through a lot in her life and this death would leave a huge scar in her throbbing heart. Pwede na nga sigurong gawing tele-serye ang buhay niya sa dami ng pinagdaanan niya!

"Wala na ang tatay ni Elma," was the message I've sent to Than-than. I swear, I almost burst into tears writing those words. But I didn't. Something was keeping me from doing so. All I know that time is that we needed to get to Elma to give our support to her, whether the body is already at their house or not.

April 17, 2 PM was the funeral march. We walked for about 45 mins-1 hr till we reach the cemetery. Seeing Elma cry and her family broke my heart. That was the time when Iwasn't able to control myself and cried, as well. Than-than kept himself from doing so so he left with a heavy heart.

The experience truly made an impact to me not only because Elma is my best friend but also because it was the first death of an immediate family member in the barkada. We've dealt with relationships and broken hearts, first jobs and unemployment, weddings and children, and now we're dealing with death. Ngayon, ang mga usapan ay nauuwi na sa mga bagay-bagay na dinadaing ng mga magulang namin, o maski sakit na dinaranas ng kapwa namin kaibigan, like Memong's diabetes.

At night, I watched "Sex and the City Season 4" episode entitled "My Motherboard, My Self" again where Miranda's mother passed away. It always makes me cry. Kung noon, nadadala lamang ako sa episode na 'yun, now I could relate to it even better. Ilang beses ko mang ulit-ulitin ang panonood nun, iiyak at iiyak pa rin ako ng paulit-ulit.

I wish, though, that once I'd be put in the same situation where I'll lose a family member, I'd be given a warning or time to "prepare". God forbids, sudden loss would really tear me up inside. And of course, I hope that I'd get all the support I'd need because I wouldn't be able to go through it alone...

Richie Rich

I'm no Richie Rich and I never have been nor projected that I am! So I'm quite overwhelmed when people say, "Mayaman naman kayo", or "Dami-dami n'yo namang pera, e." I don't know why friends, relatives, colleagues, or even acquaintances have thought that way about me. Heck, even people I have just met assume that I have lots of money! Why oh why? What have I exactly done to make them think that way. Never did I say that we're rich because we're not. Never did I show them how we live extravagantly because we don't. Never did I dress or look out of the ordinary, as well. So where the heck did they get the idea? Is it because mom works abroad? Well, what's so special about it? Mom still works hard like the rest of us and she is not sitting on a pile of money in Oman! Whatever we have attained in life, pinaghirapan namin 'yun! It may sound such a cliche but we really have invested "blood, sweat, and tears" for the things we have acquired before and today. We weren't born with a golden spoon. We don't have a bag with endless amount of money so nauubusan din kami! May mga araw din tulad ngayon kung saan di namin alam kung saan hahagilap ng pera para sa mga gastusin araw-araw. Nangungutang din kami sa mga kakilala para lang mabayaran ang mga bayarin.

I hope that people would erase that thought in their minds. Di kami mayaman pero di rin naman kami naghihikahos sa buhay. I'm just glad and grateful that whenever we reach a needing times, may mapagkukuhanan kami o mahihingan ng tulong...

Vexed

Last Wednesday, while walking around in Megamall, nagkainisan kami ni Biboy. He has been telling me about what Gapuz, their board exam reviewer, had been saying to them. According to him, he described how good life as a nurse in the U.S. is. Huge salaries, easy car loans, etc. which they (the students) couldn't get if they would work here in the Philippines. Then, I told Biboy that service and dedication is more important than salary. I also added that their teacher had been brain washing them with those ideas that life is better in the U.S. Biboy said that they were not being brain washed but just being practical for thinking that way, too. Wala raw silang mapapala dito sa 'Pinas. I got so annoyed about that statement that I said, "You could choose to have a better life in other countries na hindi mo minamaliit ang Pilipinas!" We were in the escalator then at napalakas talaga ang boses ko.

"Kailan ka pa naging nationalistic," Biboy asked again.

"Matagal na kong ganito! Naiinis lang ako sa mga taong nakatikim lang ng magandang buhay sa States, kung anu-ano na ang sinasabi tungkol sa Pilipinas," I answered.

Then, we stopped talking. I was really pissed off. Life may be tough here but it is not bad. It is not being nationalistic. I'm just being thankful with the life I have. However, mas lalong inis ako sa Gapuz na 'yun. Instead of telling his students the choices they have in life, he has been telling them that there's no other choice for a better life than leave the country. Life isn't all about money. I'd like to think that there are still nurses who pursue the carreer because they want to serve the people. Mali ba 'ko run? How could he call himself a good teacher kung ganun ang mga sinsabi niya? He better stay out of the country for good kung wala naman siyang ibang gagawin kundi siraan ang bansang sinilangan niya!

"Boogeyman" Revealed

An unexpected twist happened this week. The face of the mysterious boogeyman who had been terrorizing us had suddenly been showing a part of him/herself. Though, not so clear but not that vague, at least we have been given a hint as to who our enemies are.

Being a person who snoops around other people's text messages, Biboy's mom took the celfone of her oldest daughter. 'Yung gf kasi ng ate ni Biboy ay kung anu-ano ang pinapadalang text sa nanay nila. Of course, their parents are not so keen about his older sister's lifestyle and even more, they do not like her gf. Her gf happens to be their next-door neighbor. Di lang naman tsismis sa buong subdivision ang iniingatan, pati na rin 'yung paglaki ng iringan ng dalawang pamilya. Oh no, this is not a Romeo & Juliet kind of story! Believe me! Anyway, because they don't like the gf, this gf has been texting their mom to defend herself. Di ko na matandaan pa 'yung text. So, Mrs. S took hold of the ate's celfone to check what this girl has been saying about her. Then, she passed it on to Biboy. Holy cow! In there, he has read that this girl has been holding some grudges to him, as well! Apparently, it has something to do with the arguments that Biboy and her sister had these past few weeks.

Biboy asked her sister about it and completely denied the accusation. Nagbanta pa siya na kapag nainis siyang sobra, siya na mismo ang magsusumbong sa tatay nila! The next day, Biboy received a message from the girl saying not to incriminate her with the boogeyman issue.

With that, I don't know what to make out of Biboy's sister. To think that I felt bad when their father asked her to leave their house fearing that her gf's family was the one behind the messages. Gusto ko pa naman siyang i-text nun at sabihan ng pasensya at nadadamay siya sa gulong nangyayari. Bukod pa run, ipinagtanggol pa siya ni Biboy! Now, she'd say na kapag di siya nakapagpigil, siya na mismo ang magsasabi?! How dare her! Biboy had stood for her so many times and this is how he would repay him?

I really do not get her. A few months ago, when Biboy decided to leave their house for good, isa siya mga nagbuyo sa kanya. Then, when he finally left, she was the first one to tell their parents about it! That was the main reason why she and Biboy had a huge rift between them. Biboy had expected that she would support him thinking she knows what has been truly happening at home pero siya pa ang unang nagkaluno sa kanya. Biboy had apologize to her for all the bad things he had said to her lately after their father asked her to leave. Admittedly though, he said that he still harboring some ill feelings towards what happened. Ngayon, ganito? Has she been blinded by the feelings she has for her gf who seems to be doing anything she could to get her away from her family? Imbes na pagkasunduin ang pamilya, lalo pa itong nambubuyo! At di ba niya pwedeng pagsabihan ang gf niya sa ginawa nito? We're all in deep waters here and it would be bad kung pare-pareho kaming magsisiraan. Mag-isip-isip naman sana siya! Sila!

Closer

Closer (2004)
Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Natalie Portman, Clive Owen
Mike Nichols

This movie has been dubbed as the “romantic film for adults” by the producers. It also has the tagline, “If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking.” However, there was nothing romantic nor lovable about this film. All four characters are flawed and have no redeeming value to them which the movie does not glorify. You take them for who they are. Love ‘em or hate ‘em. Do what you will.

Everyone here is looking so blindly for love that they’d never know it even if it hits them right on their faces. However, if they’ve known that it was love that hits them, they wouldn’t have a clue as to how they’d take care of it. Physical attraction, lust, honesty, dishonesty, trust, perversions and obsessions would get in the way of a good relationship. It just shows how adults could also be confused and screwed up as their teen counterparts when it comes to love which makes this movie so sad yet so true.

With excellent performances from Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Clive Owen, and Natalie Portman, clever dialogues from Patrick Marber, and great direction from Mike Nichols, Closer is one the best films that came out in 2004!

However though, it isn’t a movie for just anybody. One would either hate or love the film depending on whether they get the premise or not. This is truly a “romantic film for adults” because sometimes this is how complicated adult relationships get in need to be closer to the so-called love of his/her life.

The Morbidity in Being 28

I'd like to post this message here that was written by a MadonnaManiax Friendster member named Francis:

Subject: Life is Too Short to be Bitter, and I'm Too Short to be Bitter
Message: 1. being 28, i realized that it is at this age range that our parents manifest their diseases, or worse, pass away. it's understandable. during this time our parents are in their 50's and 60s. so what do you expect? just recently a friend's step dad just passed away.

2. most of our cases of malignant lesion or cardiovascular disorders in both sexes manifest in these age groups. so, if i am 28 now, i have approximately 20 more years to enjoy my life before signs of impending doom begin to appear.

3. a friend once told me that the face of a person is stable from age 30 to 40 years, then it starts to wear off thereafter. so i have approximately 12 more years to enjoy my face before wrinkles increase in number and before my cheeks sag to the floor.

4. who would know? by age 50 you could have a colostomy bag hanging on your belly, an amputated diabetic foot, a paralyzed left half of the body, urinary symptoms secondary to prostatic hypertrophy, or myocardial infaction warranting by-pass surgery. so you might as well save for possible medical expenses when that time of morbidity comes.

just a few morbid thoughts. i can't help it. life is short. so enjoy life.

-- end --

Fortunately, I don't think that way. Yet. I'm still struggling with the career issue so I'll deal with those once it's over.

P.S. Francis is a doctor, ergo, the medical terms. :-)

Pacquiao, Enough!

I feel bad that Manny Pacquiao lost the fight to Erik Morales, technically. It was scored 15-13. However, it was something to rave about, as well, since he fought to the end. Technicality lang naman 'yung scores, e.

Ang nakakainis lang ngayon ay 'yung mga dahilang pinagsasasabi ni Manny. Napakarami niyang dahilan kung bakit siya natalo. Andyang dinaya siya at di siya nakatulog ng husto dahil maraming bumisita sa kanya the night before the fight. Lately naman, he has been saying that a sample of blood was taken from him the day of the fight because the doctors said that his records got lost. Then, he fired his manager because he has been taking advantage of him. He also added that he didn't get any share from HBO. Kung totoo man ang mga nangyaring iyun, okay. The thing is, he has been sounding like a sore loser. Filipinos had already accepted that he lost the fight so there's no need to explain why. Sabi niya nahihiya raw siya sa mga Pinoy, fine. We understand it. Wala naman nanghihiya sa kanya rito, a. It'd be better though that he'd admit that he had underestimated Erik Morales. Akala niya kasi kakayanin niya, e. I believe na medyo naging mayabang siya and over confident. Ngayon pa nga lang sinasabi na niya na tatalunin na niya sa Erik sa next fight nila. Hindi ba kayabangan 'yun? Pwede namang sabihing he'd try his very best or that he'd do better next time.

So, Manny, tama na!

God Bless the Pope!

Pope John Paul II passed away last night (Italian time). Devoted followers have been expecting his death since he has been gravely ill these couples of weeks. No one is asking for any miracles here except that he dies peacefully. He has done his purpose here on earth and it's time for him to join the presence of our Lord. I believe that everone is very much worried that he has been suffering a lot. A traechiotomy was performed on him a few weeks back then he had to be tube fed through the nose a few days back. He also suffered a heart failure due to the urinary infection he had. At least now, no more suffering. Goodbye, Pope!

I was disappointed, though, that his death was not addressed in today's mass (9 AM). It was like an ordinary Sunday mass where the people from the church did their Sunday routines. Shouldn't the Catholic churches be mourning because of his death? Yes, they mentioned to pray for him but it was just in passing. It wasn't even mentioned whether the prayer was for his health or soul. Could it be that they had no idea about it? But why? Shouldn't the CBCP be passing a memo either through fax or phone informing all the churches about this incident? What is happening to our church?

"Boogeyman"

Biboy and I saw "Boogeyman" last night. Oh man, did it suck big time! I don't know why I had to content myself on reading just one review which gave the movie 4 stars (out of 5). Sana nagbasa pa ko ng iba! (I did recently and the one I've read was the only good review I've seen! Damn! Nasa unahan kasi ng Google search, e. The rest hated the film!) Siguro I wanted to convince myself that the movie might be good so I believed that review. Stupid me! Sana nag-Miss Congeniality 2 na lang kami!

Speaking of boogeyman, Biboy (at ako na rin!) has his own boogeyman to deal with. Someone has been sending been threatening messages saying that he would expose him and I to his father. The words were quite vulgar and rude (like "tira" and "kati") that it seemed like that person has been holding a grudge against him. He doesn't know who the person was because the message came from an unknown 0910 number. We thought that it was their youngest sister because they were at odds with one another lately. But it wasn't her since she said that she respects our (Biboy and I) relationship and wouldn't do such a thing even if they are angry at each other.

Then last night, that person texted Biboy's father. He/She told him about my relationship with his son and Angel. He/She even knew that Angel was spending a vacation with them this week. Hindi maisip ni Biboy kung sino ba 'yun pero mukhang malaki galit (o tampo o selos o kung anuman) sa kanya. Wala talagang maisip na kagalit si Biboy para gumawa ng ganun. It seemed like that person is within the family's circle (as what Elma suggested) because he has been provoking his father to get angry at him. Aside from that, how else would he know his father's number? At the moment, dead-ma lang ang papa niya tungkol dun. Inisip na naninira lang 'yung tao. But knowing his attitude, siguradong darating ang araw na bubulyawan niya si Biboy at isusumbat lahat ng 'yun. The presence of Angel at home seems to be calming his nerves during those moments. Blessing na rin siguro 'yung pagpayag ko na kunin niya si Angel dito this week.

Now that we have scratched their youngest on the list, ang hirap mag-isip kung sino ang may gawa nu'n. It's quite frightening because we don't know who we are dealing with. Who knows what's his next move is now that his messages failed to bring what he expects it to bring? What's so sad even is that his father asked his oldest sister to move out of the house thinking that it might be her girlfriend's family who has been doing such mess. Dahil sa nangyari 'yan, mas lalo lang sila magkakasira ng ate niya.

I hope and I pray that this would end. If Biboy is concern more for me, my concern goes to him. He doesn't deserve these distractions now that he has been doing his board review. Wala ako masyado magawa. Natatakot din ako sa maari pang mangyari but I'm not showing him that. Kung sabay kaming matatakot, baka lalong magulo ang isipan niya. Ang alam ko lang ay may araw din ang taong 'yun. Di siya magtatagumpay sa mga binabalak niya...