Conglomeration of Smilies

I have a job. Yehey! I should be rejoicing, right? Actually, I don't remember if I did rejoice about it. I know that I did feel glad when I was offered the job. It was a case of "ask and you shall receive" kind of thing. When the opportunity came, I immediately grabbed it without really thinking the things that would be asked from me. The cards were laid on the table yet I didn't go through each and every of them. I was looking after the fact that it would give me the future that I was hoping to have. What I overlooked is the hardships that it would entail to reach that aspiration.

Don't get me wrong. I am not someone who would just give up because of the difficulties of the job. But my dilemma now is that I don't have a clue re my job. It isn't my forte. I know that I said that I was told about the job description before accepting it. I was even given a few days to think about it. However, the problem was that I didn't think of it thoroughly. I became blinded with what's ahead and not with what's in front of me.

Self-fulfilling Prophecy
Biboy had already warned me about the job. Back then, I didn't understand why he was rejecting the idea of me accepting the job. Then, dad said "Try mo muna ng one week. Baka di mo magustuhan." That shocked me even further! How could he say such a thing? How could Biboy react that way? Was there a sign on my forehead that said "Danger ahead"?

What to Do?
I don't know. I'm filled with confusion at the moment. This week has started on the wrong foot. First, I was awaken by my best friend's message saying that his father has passed away. Second, I was so disappointed that we couldn't even be with him in this time of turmoil because his father's dying wish is to be buried in Pangasinan where he has spent his last days. Pangasinan isn't unreachable but it is just too far. It makes me terribly sad that I couldn't be with Than-than these days.

Third, I came to realize that I don't know what I was doing in my job. I don't want to disappoint my employer because he has put all his trust on me. He has high expectations of me. He even said "Excited na ko sa maaari mong gawin!" I'm afraid that I won't be able to live up to his standards because I don't understand what I was doing. Not to mention that I don't want to disappoint myself.

I have also other worries. For one thing, I am alone with the job. No help whatsoever. I have to decide on my own and come up with the best possible plans that would fulfill my employer's vision. Sure, he gives some output once in a while or pitch in some ideas. But the fact remains that it's gonna be all on me and he himself doesn't have much idea on what to do. That's why he hired me for the job - not exactly for my knowlegde but for the passion he sees in me! But the passion is slowly dying down everyday. It isn't giving me enough strenght to hold on and continue with what I'm supposed to. Every waking day is becoming a struggle.

What have I put myself into? Moreso, the pay isn't that encouraging enough...

When Fate Play Its Dirty Tricks
As if all the confusion was enough to keep me stranded, there goes another situation. Biboy lost his *new* celfone! Someone stole it from him on the bus! OMG! A new and expensive fone given as a gift to him by his father! Just last Saturday, the rift between them have seemed to smoothened out. All is well, ika nga. But how could have this happened?! Nananadya ba talaga ang pagkakataon?

He's definitely gonna receive some blows from him and his mother since this isn't the first time he lost a fone. He was already marked for life by the incident before and now, he'd just gonna prove them right. Aside from that, it was an expensive fone!

Biboy initially wanted us to replace the fone. I know how scared he must be feeling. But what will it do? We don't have that kind of money to buy such fone. Using a credit card would just drown us more in debts since we have been paying more debts as it is today. He said that he would pay it using his salary. How? He won't be making enough money to survive his everyday expenses and the would-be payment.

Bakit Ganito?
He's been feeling down about his job. He wants to quit.

I am having doubts about my job. I feel like like quitting before it's too late.

What should we do? Why is this happening to us? Could someone please give me answers?