Host : When you entered show biz two years ago, what was your goal?
Guest : I wanted to be a good and popular recording actress!
Ay, ambiyosa!
***
Host : What's the latest from the Department of Health?
Co-host : Only this morning, the month of May was declared as Asthma Day.
Let's repeat: May Asthma Day -- it ryhmes!
***
Host : Our next guest has a new movie to promote. Oh, will you greet our viewers?
Guest : Hello! Thank you to our show!
Guest ka lang kaya!
***
Host : What is your special greeting today, Mother's Day?
Guest : Of course, I want to greet Happy Mother's Day to all of my mothers!
Uy, marami siyang nanay!
***
Host : How long do you think your concert will last—until morning?
Guest : It's hard to say, but we hope it will last late due to the many participation!
Forever ba gusto mo? Tatalunin nito ang Walang Tulugan!
***
Host : What have you done to improve your figure?
Guest : Well, I admit, I had liposection.
Which section?
***
Host : Where would you like to travel—what country? What place?
Guest : I am intrigued about going to Mongolia.
Host: Really? What is it that fascinates you about Mongolia? The Mongoloids?
Kailangan bang sagutin 'yan?
***
Host : What will happen to the lawyer if it is proven that he faked the evidence in this case?
Guest : If the proof is strong and the motive to fool the court can be clearly established, he could be disbarged!
That's right, throw that dishonest lawyer off the barge!
***
Host : Who are the leaders of your organization— do you know them?
Guest : Yes, but unfortunately, right now, those which are, I cannot call the names!
Then dont call them! Asar, ah!
***
Host : Did you like that old video we just played? That feature was on a great guitarist from way back, he was a steady of Frank Sinatra!
Frank Sinatra went steady with a male guitarist?!
***
Host : Your US tour is pushing through?
Guest : Yes, so Fil-Ams in the States, watch out, the biggest singing stars from here will be gracing their fans from there next month!
Wow! From here, from there?! Pa'no 'yun?
***
Host : What is your group against?
Guest : We condone the habitual, kneejerk removal of presidents!
Condone? You mean condemn, don't you?
***
Host : What's the latest on the storm—is it clearing up?
Guest : Its strength is lessening, but there are outlying areas that are still feeling the effects of the reminants of the typhoon.
Ay, reminants! Ano 'yun?
***
Host : What do you want to say to corrupt government officials?
Guest : There's still time to change, to reform, to be molarly upright!
Sige, ipa-brace ang mga molars!
***
Host : How did your conference last week go?
Guest : Oh, it was successful—it was very good attended!
Nice to hear na very good attended siya!
***
Host : Are you ready for the rally? Are all preventive measures in place?
Guest : Yes, we believe so.
Host: What specific preventive security measures will you be barking on?
Woof, woof!
***
Host : Saan ang dream vacation mo?
Girl Contestant : Amangpulo.
Hmmm. . . Sa'n 'yun?
***
Host : What was the very first gift that you gave to your girlfriend?
Male Contestant : Uhmm. . . taptoy.
Host : What taptoy?
Male Contestant : Taptoy na teddy bird.
Sa'n makakabili nito?
***
Host : What's your ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Uhm, uhm, I am not sure. . .
Host : Hindi, kunwari ikaw, more or less.
Girl : Uhmm. . . more. (Crowd booing) Sige, Sige. Less, less. . .
Di ba, less is more?
***
Host : If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to showcase the beauty of the Philippines?
Girl Contestant : Bocaue.
Host : Bocaue. Why Bocaue? There are so many places in the Philippines? Why Bocaue?
Girl : Because it's a magnificent place.
Host : Which part of Bocaue?
Girl : The Bocaue Rice Terraces.
Ay, panalo!
***
The contestant, presenting herself, talks into the mic and says, "Hi! I'm Cristine Reyes from Bagiuo...," and then she turns around, walks a little, goes back then yells at the top of her lungs! Then shouts, "CITYYYYYYYY! !!!"
***
From Little Miss Philippines
Host : Anong gusto mo pag-laki mo?
Girl : Maging lalaki po!
***
Host : Who's your favorite author?
Contestant : Danielle Steele
Host : Why Danielle Steele?
Contestant : Because, because...Danielle Steele, I like best.
***
Host : How would you like me to address you?
Contestant : My address is Project 8, Quezon City.
***
Host : What is your best feature?
Contestant : My graduation feature.
O di ba! Baka nga naman maganda ang kuha niya ru'n. Studio pic ba?
***
Host : So tell us, why did join this contest?
Contestant : Me, join this contest, why did I. Thank you!
Good answer!
***
Host : What do you want to be after you graduate?
Contestant : I want to be a successful Medicine.
For AIDS or for cancer?
***
Host : Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube. Pero tinatawag itong boobtube. Ano ito?
Contestant : BRA!
***
Host : What is you favorite motto?
Contestant : If others can't why, why can't I!
Korek!
***
Host : What would you like to say to foreigners?
Contestant : Please come back.
Ala Jack & Rose ba ang akting nito?
***
From gay beauty contest
Host : What is the one thing that symbolizes happiness for you?
Gay contestant : (Stops, thinks and then smiles) Eggplant po!
Ayyy!
***
Host : What is your typical day?
Contestant : I think Saturday po!
Ako, Friday!
***
From gay contest
Host : Ano ang advantage mo sa ibang contestant?
Gay Contestant : I think and believe na bilang isang bading. . . Ano nga po ulit yung question?
***
Host : Which part of your body is your best asset?
Contestant : Si Melanie Marquez po!
Huwatttt?!?
***
Host : What is your favorite motto?
Contestant : (After a long pause) I don't have a motto eh.
The crowd starts helping her out. The crowd starts saying "Time is gold! Time is gold!"
Contestant : I have na po. Chinese gold!
Tumpak na sangkatutak!
***
Host : If you were to describe the color blue to a blind person, how would you do it?"
Contestant : That's a very good question. Keep it up. (Then the girl turns and walks away.)
Di ko keri yu'n, ah!
***
Host : So, you're vegetarian, what is your favorite vegetable?
Contestant : I like potatoes, tomatoes, beans and what's that? Kalabash?
What's that again?!
***
Host : What is your motto?
Contestant : Actor! (Everyone starts laughing.) Aay, actress pala.
Ano difference?
***
Host : Who is your favorite fictional character?
Girl : JOSE RIZAL! (Crowd starts laughing.)
Host : Who is your favorite hero then?
Girl : Hulk Hogan.
Applause! Applause!
***
Host : If you were to become a superhero, what would your power be?
Girl Contestant : Uhmm. . . A bumble bee!
Ng Transformers o ng Bee Movie?
***
Host : What is your edge over the other contestants?
Girl Contestant : My edge.... 23 years old.
Are the others younger or older?
***
Host : What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Between 24 and 25!
Hmmm. . . Bakit kaya?
***
Host : How do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Girl : I'll be 28.
Onga naman! Ang bobo ng tanong, ah!
***
Host : Describe your love one in three words.
Girl : Kahit nga po 1 word, kaya ko.
Host : OK, sige!
Girl : In one word, MY LIFE!
***
Host : If you were given any special power, what would it be?
Girl : Power of Attorney!
Gusto ko rin 'ata 'yun!
***
Host : So you like reading, who's your favorite author?
Girl : Uhmm, Shakespeare.
Host : What works of Shakespeare?
Girl : Hindi ko po alam, eh.
Host : But he's your favorite.
Girl : Eh kasi patay na sya eh.
Awooo!
***
Host : What is the biggest problem facing the youth today?
Girl : Drugs.
Host : Why?
Girl : Mahal, eh!
Dapat isama siya sa cheaper drugs bill!
***
Host : What is the essence of being gay?
Contestant : I'm proud to be gay because what is naked is essential to the eye!
Paki-connect nga?
***
Host : What makes you blush?
Girl : Blush on!
Isa pang tangang tanong!
***
Host : Hey, I heard you almost didn't make it, how did you get here? Did you ride or did you walk?
Gay Contestant : Of course, did you ride. What do you think of me, did you walk?
What did you think of me, thinking of you?!
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