Mishu

I missed you last Sunday when:

- we were walking along Ayala Center going towards our destination. I remember that I was always with you whenever I go to Ayala.

- we saw Disney's Mulan Jr. at Onstage, Greenbelt 1. I know that you'd terrible enjoy the play as much as we did, especially that you wanted to become a stage actor. I'm sure that you'd envy the actors on stage.

- I remembered that we saw Swept Away in Greenbelt 1. Mangilan-ngilan lang tayo sa sinehan n'un at s'ympre mega-okray ka sa performance ni Madonna. Pero carry na kasi ang importante ay kasama kita n'un.

- we had dinner at Kenny's. Naalala ko kung pa'no ka makihati ka sa pagkain ko kahit na punong-puno ang pinggan mo. You'd make sure na iba ang oorderin mo sa order ko para matikman mo rin 'yung sa 'kin. Minsan nakakairita na bigla ka na lang dudutdot sa pagkain ko. Pero ngayong solo ko na 'yung pagkain ko, nakaka-miss 'yung pagdutdot mo.


I missed you last time when:

- I saw Dreamgirls on HBO and Across the Universe on Oprah. Napaiyak ako kasi naalala kita. You enjoyed those two movies so much that when we left the theater, you were still in awe. You incessantly talked about it, even copied some moves from them. We saw them both in Glorietta at different times.

- I watched A Very Special Love and For the First Time. Kilig scenes na pero umiiyak ako. Wala ka kasi. Wala akong makaka-share ng kabaduyang moments na 'yun.

- I got sick. I used to remember how you stay up late just to make sure that my temperature goes down. You'd make sure that I drink my medicine on time. Naalala ko rin na last time we were together, before you left, you were sick. Sobrang natataranta ako n'un kasi ang init-init ng katawan mo. 'Pag nagkasakit ka ngayon, sinong mag-aalaga sa 'yo?

- we celebrated Angel's birthday at home. Wala akong katulong sa pagluluto. Wala nang makulit habang nagluluto. Noon, hindi ako natatakot magluto ng marami dahil alam kong ikaw ang taga-ubos ko. Wala kang paki kahit mabundat ka sa spaghetti ko dahil alam ko namang sarap na sarap ka ru'n.

- my iPod was snatched. The first time my necklace was snatched in a jeepney, hinabol mo 'yung mokong. Sobra ang pag-alala ko n'un dahil baka kung ano na ang nangyari sa 'yo. When my 6610 got lost, binalikan mo talaga 'yung tricycle na sinakyan natin para malaman kung maibabalik pa 'yung cell phone. Di ko naman gugustuhin na habulin mo 'yung manggagantso. Tama na 'yung nasa tabi kita kasi your hugs and embraces will comfort me hanggang sa makatulog ako.


I'd miss you when

- we'll see Sharon Up-Close concert at the Mandarin next week dahil ikaw ang lagi kong kasama sa mga Mega concerts. Alam ko namang kahit na nilalait mo si Mega, fan ka na rin.

- I'll decide to watch tapings again. The first time and the last time I saw Sharon, you were with me.

- Christmas arrives. Malayo pa man pero alam kong magiging iba ang Pasko dahil wala ka sa tabi ko.

- my birthday comes. Mas malungkot kasi anniversary rin natin 'yun.


I miss you always when

- I sleep and I go to bed. Walang kayakap. Walang humihilik ng malakas. Wala na kong kinikiliti. Wala ka.

- I go to malls or anywhere else. Mahirap kasi dahil nasanay ako na kasama ka palagi.


Di naman talaga malungkot ang buhay dahil wala ka sa tabi ko. . .

Hindi nga lang ganu'n kasaya.

Sa Sabado Na 'To!

Bili na ng tickets para sa major event na ito sa local music scene! Maaring hindi na maulit muli! Sobrang kapana-panabik ito!

P.S. Condolence to the family of Ely Buendia. . .

Salisi Gang Videos [3/3]

Part 1 here
Part 2 here

Eto videos na pinalaganap ng PNP tungkol sa iba't-ibang modus operandi ng Salisi Gang. Be aware of it and be conscious about it kung sakaling mapuntirya ka nila ng mga kagahaman nilang mga mata.

Tamaan sana sila ng kidlat sa tuwing gagawa sila ng katarantaduhan sa kapwa nila o masagasaan at magkadurog-durog ang katawan nila the moment they did the deed! Mga buwaka sila!

Salisi Gang


Crime Inside the Bus

Street Actor's Syndicate


Other modus operandi by Chief Gilbert Cruz, click here.

'Wag pakasiguro! It could also happen to you. Ibayong ingat na lang tayong lahat lalo pa't nalalapit na ang Kapaskuhan!

Ngitngit, Gigil, Inis! [2/3]

Part 1 here

Pormal-pormalan pa ko sa naunang post ko. I was just laying down the facts kasi sa nangyari sa 'min ng kapatid ko. Sort of warning na rin sa mga makakabasa n'un. Pero ngayon barubalan na kasi walanghiyaan naman talaga ang nangyari.

My iPod Classic has 160 gb of space. Mom bought it for me. She asked me if I wanted iPod Touch which has WiFi connection instead but I told her that more space is more important to me than applications. iPod Touch has only 8 gb.

I got the Classic last May through my cousin who went home for a vacation from Oman. That being said, the said iPod is only 3 months old! Bagong-bago pa! Sandamakmak pa ang free space du'n. Pero s'ympre paki ba ng mga buwakang magnanakaw sa free space ng iPod ko? Care lang nila na may nadukot sila sa bag ko at maibebenta para maipangbili nila ng pagkaing maipapasok sa bunganga nila o drogang sisinghutin ng ilong nila.

My iPod being almost brand new isn't my concern really or the files that were in it. I have them on my external hard drive as back-up. But it is the fact it was given by my mom. I don't want her to think that I didn't care enough for it to avoid it being stolen. Aside from that, ang mahal nu'n! Parang nagtapon lang ako ng pera.

Second, sobrang nakakairita 'yung nangyari! Imagine, nag-sorry pa ko, di ba?! I was that naive na tinatarantado na ko ng mga hinayupak na 'yun! Saka normal na sa 'king humingi ng paumanhin kapag may nabubunggo sa bus o jeep o ang magpasalamat sa tuwing iaabot ang bayad ko sa driver. So talagang bait-baitan ako sa kanila ng mga sandaling 'yun.

Naisip ko nga, mas mabuti pang harap-harapan kang ginawan ng masama kaysa sa tinitira ka ng patalikod. If there's a dignity code amongst thieves, sobrang kawalanghiyaan talaga 'yung mapagpanggap! At least alam mo kung sino ang kalaban mo. At least alam mong ginago ka lang at hindi na tinapak-tapakan pa.

When I told some friends about what happened, one of them said, "Isipin mo na lang na kailangan-kailangan lang nila ng pera kaya nila nagawa 'yun." I beg to disagree. We shouldn't give these assholes reasons to do such things to their fellowmen. No matter how much in need you are, it isn't an excuse na tarantaduhin mo ang kapwa mo. But of course, such thinking only exists in Utopia. [However, such place exists! Read Biboy's entry here. So sugod na tayong lahat sa Dunedin, New Zealand!]

Then may mga text na "Ingat na lang sa susunod!" Do they actually think that I let it happen? Na hindi ako nag-ingat? When that situation is happening, you wouldn't be aware of it until you realized na nawalan ka na pala! Mabilis ang mga pangyayari. They will distract you to prevent you from being conscious of what is about to transpire.

Kaya nga naisip ko, if I was aware of it, what would I have done differently? If I knew that it was my iPod's earphone that was being taken away, would I have stopped the man from doing such? Knowing that he is with three or four other people? What would have happened if I have stopped them? Given that I was with a child then? Thinking about it, natakot din ako. Not for myself but for Angel. Nauna na siya sa bus n'un, eh. Baka nakuyog lang nila ako at naiwang mag-isa si Angel.

The night it happened, nahirapan akong matulog. Kitang-kita ko pa rin ang mga nangyari sa isip ko. Nakakagigil sila! Magagaling na artista. Kung pwede lamang balikan sila at tugisin ng isa-isa. Hindi na baleng hindi maibalik ang iPod, basta lang maiparamdam ang ginawa nilang kasamaan sa kapwa nila. But it is not in my hands to punish the guilty. Good luck na lang sa karma nila!

Mas lalo akong natakot n'ung nagawan din ng kabulastugan si Ginger kinabukasan. Imagine, nasa loob ka na ng mall at walang kaabog-abog na papaikutin! Naisip ko, maaring ako rin ba ang nabiktima uli kung naka-malaking cart ako? Di ko na 'ata kakayanin kung pati celphone at wallet ko ay manenenok! Talagang magwawala na ko n'un! It will be too much for me to take. Pero s'ympre, dahil sa kapatid ko nangyari, masakit pa rin! Parang ako rin ang nawalan. Isipin n'yo na lang, I was there when the incident happened. Again, kung naging aware lang ako sa moro-moro na nagaganap, baka napigilan pa at napahuli ang mga hudas! Ang kaso isa pang hinayupak ang mga guards ng SM, eh. Matapos isumbong sa kanila ang nangyari, deadma lang sila! Walang ginawa kundi tumanga at hayaan ang kapatid ko na hanapin ang mga tarantado sa loob. May mga nagsumbong na rin daw noon. Pero 'yun lang! Period na 'yung statement. May nagsumbong na pero wala pa rin silang ginagawa! Kailangan bang may nakaharap na camera para gawin nila ang trabaho nila? At ano ang silbi ng mga camera nila sa loob kung di n'un matutukoy ang mga salarin? Pang-display?!

Nakaka-trauma ang pangyayari. I have lost some valuables before pero hindi ganu'ng klase. I lost my very first phone [a Motorolla phone given by dad on my birthday in '98or '99] in a tricycle on the way home. Ang masakit n'un, I just gone shopping, buying gifts for family and friends. Magpa-Pasko n'un. Ako na 'yung bumili ng mga pang-regalo, ako pa ang nawalan. The next phone I lost unconsciously in Video City. Di ko talaga alam ang nangyari. Kung nalaglag ba siya sa belt-bag ko o nadukot. Pero itong pangyayari na 'to, gaguhan talaga, eh! Para kang inulubog sa kumukulong-tubig na di mo nawawalan hanggang sa makita mong nalalapnos na pala ang balat mo! [Cristy Fermin quote 'yan!] Kailan ba hindi naging masakit ang i-backstab?

Ayun, sa susunod, mega-kapit na talaga ako sa bag ko!

Kayo rin, mag-ingat sa mga manggagantso! Kung sa panahon ngayon di mo na alam kung sino ang bading sa hindi, ganu'n din ang mga mangloloko! [Ay, may konek ba 'yun?!] Malay mo, katabi mo palang sila!

Siksik, Gitgit, Dukot! [1/3]

I brought Angel last Friday, Aug. 22, to Toy Kingdom, SM North Edsa to buy her a Barbie doll. It was her birthday that day and she has been asking for a new Barbie doll for the longest time. "Sa birthday mo na lang," I would tell her. Since her birthday has finally arrived, I have to keep my word.

At around 9 PM, we waited at the bus station adjacent to the Edsa (Jollibee) entrance/exit of SM North Edsa. Siguro mga 10 minutes din ang tinagal ng paghihintay namin when we finally saw our bus na hindi puno ng pasahero. As we run towards it, a few people (4-5 'ata) also ran towards it as if they were also riding the same bus. With such situation, for people who ride the bus, your instincts will tell you na makipag-unahan sa kanila at makipagsiksikan to get (good) seats, lalo pa't gabi na 'yun. So I told Angel to hurry up and get inside the bus as quickly as she can. When she got inside, I got stuck at the door along with the other people. Something (or someone) seemed to be pulling me back when I saw an earphone on my bag. Thinking that a man's earphone was caught on my bag, I immediately apologized. Then I got inside the bus.

A few seconds after I took my seat, I realized that my bag was open and my iPod was gone! Realizing the event that transpired, the earphone I saw was my own and it wasn't stuck. It was being taken away from bag!

"'Yung iPod ko, ninakaw!" I told Angel.

We were the only ones who rode the bus. The people who rushed to it are in a group who would mislead the passengers into thinking they are riding it only that ninanakawan ka pala!

Wala na kong nagawa. I immediately told Daddy, Mommy, Ginger, and Biboy about it through text. Salamat na lang at di nakuha ang celphone at wallet ko na nasa kabilang side ng bag.

Sobrang panghihina ang naramdaman ko. Feeling that I am truly upset about it, Angel just kept her silence all throughout the ride. She doesn't normally do that in ordinary circumstances. She'd sit, stand up, talk, and look around. But in that moment, she was quiet. When we rode the tricycle, she said, "Dada, ibibili na lang kita ng maraming earphone 'pag may pera na ko. 'Wag ka na malungkot." With that, my tears begin to fall.

During the night, I remembered a similar incident that happened before we rode the bus. A bus going to Bulacan came when two female Nursing students approached it. Nagkaru'n ng ingay at unahan. "Ayan na! Ayan na!" said the other people who also approached the bus. Then narinig ko na lang na sabi nila, "Ay, masikip na," walking away from the bus after. Nu'ng tingnan ko naman 'yung bus, maluwag pa siya. Nasabi ko na lang n'un, "Parang timang naman 'tong mga 'to." Di ko naisip na ako pala ang susunod na bibiktimahin.

The next day, Saturday, we went to the grocery to buy the things we needed for Angel's birthday celebration the following day.

At the Biscuit section, I asked Angel what she wanted for her school baon. Medyo natagalan siyang mag-decide kasi kung ano-ano tinuturo. Feeling that we are holding up the aisle, I asked her to hurry up. Mayro'n kasing naka-cart sa harap namin na hindi "makagalaw." I had a basket then on top of a mini-cart while she was seated below. Kasunod namin si Ginger pushing a large silver cart.

When we're done, I walked away with my mini-cart. I looked back and saw a traffic in the aisle. Ginger was in the middle, stuck along with other people who had carts with them, as well. I moved along, leaving my sister behind me.

At the counter, Ginger realized that she lost her (old) phone. Inisip niya kung pa'no nawala. Baka nalaglag. Malayo pa sa isip niya/namin na baka dinukot since we always buy our groceries there, in SM Hypermart, Valenzuela and it hasn't happened before. When she inspected her bag, even her wallet was nowhere to be found! That's when she knew that she was robbed! And it happened during the traffic held-up at the Biscuit section. Kaya naman daw pala no reaction 'yung mga taong nanggitgit at talagang kunwari naiipit 'yung iba.

Ayun, in two successive days, nabiktima kami ng Salisi Gang! Different situation and location but same tactics -- sisiksikin ka, gigitgitin, at dudukutan! Basta kung ano ang madukot sa 'yo, finder's keepers na sa kanila!

Naisip ko nga, if I was pushing a larger cart then, ako kaya ang biniktima nila?

Isang Mahabang Buwan

Pwede bang tapusin na ang buwang ito at tigilan na ko sa mga binibigay niyang hinanakit at pagdurusa?!

Hindi pa nga ako nakaka-recover ng husto sa pag-alis ni Biboy, heto't hinayaang mong dukutin ang iPod ko sa harap ko!

Ano pa ba susunod?! Sige pa at baka di ka pa nagsasawa. May mga natitira pang araw ang buwan mo. Humataw ka pa!

Tulog Na, Bi

Tonight's the first night
You're no longer in my arms
A little colder
Nothing but the darkness and the stars

My hand wanders through
The space where you used to be
I really wish that you'd
Still come home to me

Until then I'll sleep
Sleep.

Remember yesterday
When your smile filled every room
Imagined forever with you
Now you're gone too soon

I can feel you calling
There's no place that I'd rather be
Just here with you, sleeping
If only in my mind

Until then I'll sleep
Sleep.

I can feel you calling
There's no place that I'd rather be
Just here with you, sleeping
If only in my mind

Until then I'll sleep
Sleep.

It's official. You've finally left. You have boarded your flight at 8:30 PM and had turned off your phone while your plane leaves at 8:40 PM.

So what now? How many tears do we have shed until we can say that we have adjusted to our new situation: me being here and you being in the land of hobbits, elves, and orcs?

They say that you'd be there for just two years. But two years is a long time for people like us who have been inseparable since day 1 of five years now. Two years being away from each other is not something na nila-lang lang. But we gotta stay strong. We have to think of the long-term goal than the now. Until then, I wouldn't know what it takes to get use to the new situation.

I know that you need to be there. If I had to choose, I wouldn't allow you to do so. That is why I don't dare say it to you for I don't want you to feel burdened with what I feel. 'Cause I know that if you have it your way, as well, you'd stay.

We knew all along that this day would come. Your dream of working abroad is not something that was kept hidden. Pero s'ympre iba na when that time comes. No matter how much you prepare for it is nothing when you'd finally leave.

I am worried about you. I know that behind the brave man facade you show the people around you lies a scared little boy who knows nothing of the new world he'd be face with. Pa'no ka na sa mga panahong tinatamaan ka ng self-doubt at awa sa sarili? Pa'no ka na sa mga panahong sinusumpong ka ng kalungkutan? Sa mga panahong lumuluha ka, sino ang magpapahid nito?

Kaya ang hiling ko lang, take care of yourself. Mas mahirap ang lagay mo dahil mag-isa ka lang diyan. Hindi biro 'yun.

Ayokong sabihing "kaya mo 'yan" dahil ayokong kayanin mo. At least not by yourself. Andito ako, kami sa tuwing maghahanap ka ng makakusap o mabubuhusan ng kung ano pa man. Lagi mong tandaan ang madalas kong sabihin sa 'yo, "Hindi ka si Superman!"

We'd be sleeping alone now. Mahirap pero kakayanin. Malungkot pero titiisin. I know that you have dreams and ambitions to fulfill and I wouldn't want to stand in the way of any of them.

I miss you already.

Good night, Bi! I'll see you in my dreams. . .

Mega Thirty [08-08-08, 8 PM]

Unsaid, Unexpressed

Sometimes, there are feelings you can't seem to express, leaving you with a heavy heart. Sometimes, there are words that you can't seem to vocalize, leaving you with a bad taste in the mouth.

When these things happen, sometimes, there are people who convey the feelings you kept hidden to yourself and utter the words you dared not say.

When I told Biboy about a certain event in my life two months ago, he was the first to shed tears for me. I was yet to understand my feelings but he was already ahead of me. I have avoided being resentful of the situation or towards anyone, but again, he did it for me. Rationalization was in no way part of his vocabulary when it comes to articulating his feelings. So what if feelings are irrational! Karapatan n'ya maramdaman 'yun, so be it! For that, I am grateful to him. Siguro kaya nahirapan din akong damdamin ang nangyari 'cause he already did it for me. He literally took the pain away from me. But of course, it shouldn't end there. I still had to my share of low moments just so I could get over it completely. Kaya naman di maiiwasan ang panaka-nakang pagluha every now and then.

Then comes an unexpected post from a friend that truly moved me. For the things I couldn't say, she had phrased them so clearly. Minsan nga ay napag-usapan namin na, tulad niya, kailangan kong sabihin 'yung nararamdam ko, kahit ga'no pa man ito kasakit o kadumi, pero minsan hindi ko kaya. Sa pagsusulat ko nailalabas. "Writer ka nga," sabi niya. However, this is something that I wasn't able to write yet directly. Pahaging-haging lang. I'm still waiting for a particular blow that would make me let go of it all. Or maybe I have already done my time, I just don't know it yet.

To Acy, thank you for such words. Hindi ko 'to malilimutan. Sabi ko naman sa 'yo, i-sangla na natin ang bahay mo at mag-produce tayo ng movie! Kahit 'kaw pa ang artista. Buhayin natin ang ST/TF films! Love you, gurl!

***

what a journey it has been

Nagba-browse ako ng mga blogs kanina, tapos nakita ko yung post ni Jheck about sa pag end ng journey niya sa mundo na mahal na mahal niya.

Kaibigan ko si Jheck kaya alam ko kung gaano niya mahal ang pagsusulat. At dahil kaibigan ko siya, nararamdaman ko kung gaano naging masakit ang pag-end ng isang journey na mahaba pa ang dapat niyang tahakin.

Minsan naiisip ko, ang mundo ng pagsusulat ang isa mga pinakamagulong mundo, hindi lang halata kasi tahimik lang ang bawat pangyayari. Marami ang lihim na pinaiiyak ng mundong ito, madamot ang mundong ito pero ito pa din ang pinipili namin.

Naniniwala akong walang ipinanganak na writer pero may mga taong ipinanganak para mahalin ang mundong ng writing. At isa kami ni jheck sa nagmamahal sa mundong ito.

Sabi nga ng isang sikat na writer ang madalas daw ang mga taong into creative like writers eh hindi nagiging successful sa business, eh kasi most of them just needed self satisfaction to the things they love to do. Yun naman pala eh, mahirap bang pagbigyan kami ng aming self satisfaction?

Naalala ko yung takot na madalas namin maramdamang mga brainstormers, yung mabakante kami or kung saan kami pupulutin after ng isang show. Or kung may next show pa ba kami? Minsan nga naiisip ko, bakit naman kaya kami nag-undergo pa ng training sa scriptwriting kung brainstorming lang ang gagawin namin? Paano naman yung ibang tulad ko na hindi magaling sa brainstorming pero mas nailalabas ang nararamdaman thru writing? Ang damot ng mundong ito noh, pero sige pa din kami ng sige.

Minsan naiisip ko bakit dapat ganito? Bakit dapat na maging madamot ang mundong ito eh gusto lang naman namin magsulat. Ang totoo siguro, maraming buwaya sa mundong ito, hindi lang halata. Maraming bakaw, maraming mapagsamantala. Hindi lang obvious ang lahat, dahil hindi lang talaga obvious. Ahahahha! Saka kapag sinabing writer ka, mukha kang mabait at hindi ka gagawa ng masama. Ahahaha!

Unpredictable nga daw ang pagtatrabaho sa TV writing at you're only good as your last show. Pero kahit anong kademonyuhan ang ipakita sa amin ng mundong ito, ang hirap iwan, ang hirap kalimutan.

Eh kasi gusto lang naman namin magsulat, yun lang.

Tapos gusto din namin yumaman tulad ng nila. Ahahahha!

__________________________________

and the end is not in sight

but the stars are out tonight

and they're bound to guide my way

Maybe

I haven't abandoned my blog nor have been too busy to write. In fact, gusto kong magsulat! Dami kong reviews na gustong isulat. Dami kong heartaches na gustong isambulat. I've so many things on my head, but I just don't have enough will to put them into writing.

I don't know why really. . .

Maybe I'm feeling that this blog is getting too crowded for my taste. Maybe I'm just caving in to myself as of this time. Maybe I'm feeling underwhelmed with how things have been turning out for me. Maybe I'm confused and into finding answers, yet there seem to be lack of them in the meantime. Maybe I'm just not feeling it. Maybe I'm into giving up on it. Maybe it really isn't for me anymore. Maybe. . .

Whatever the reasons may be, I know that this entry will help me keep track on what I want and love to do. The question is, what could that be really?

Your Korean Name

Try this for fun!


I. Surname: The last number in your year of birth
- 0: Park
- 1: Kim
- 2: Shin
- 3: Choi
- 4: Song
- 5: Kang
- 6: Han
- 7: Lee
- 8: Sung
- 9: Jung

II. Middle name: Your month of birth
- 1: Yong
- 2: Ji
- 3: Je
- 4: Hye
- 5: Dong
- 6: Sang
- 7: Ha
- 8: Hyo
- 9: Soo
- 10: Eun
- 11: Hyun
- 12: Rae

III. Name: Your date of birth
- 1: Hwa
- 2: Woo
- 3: Joon
- 4: Hee
- 5: Kyo
- 6: Kyung
- 7: Wook
- 8: Jin
- 9: Jae
- 10: Hoon
- 11: Ra
- 12: Bin
- 13: Sun
- 14: Ri
- 15: Soo
- 16: Rim
- 17: Ah
- 18: Ae
- 19: Neul
- 20: Mun
- 21: In
- 22: Mi
- 23: Ki
- 24: Sang
- 25: Byung
- 26: Seok
- 27: Gun
- 28: Yoo
- 29: Sup
- 30: Won
- 31: Sub


MY KOREAN NAME IS. . .
LEE JI HOON

Madonna's 4 Minutes (ft. Justin T.) Video