There was something I have realized just today: I can't write well when I'm bothered with sad thoughts. Words easily come to me when I'm happy. Words, definitely, flow like water in a leaking faucet when I'm angry. But when I'm sad, it seemed difficult to express myself no matter how hard I push myself into doing such. So with this, I'd like to get those thoughts out of the way.
Retracing the events that happened, it all started on the night of February 11. My birthday would've had a perfect 3-day weekend if not for the event that transpired that night.On the 9th, Biboy had planned a full body scrub and massage for us at Fitness First in Makati. Matagal na niyang ini-sked 'yun for our anniversary. It was refreshing and relaxing, of course. Iskobahin ba naman ang buong katawan mo, eh. (Actually, it was the coffee scrub that Biboy liked so much.) Besides, it was my first time kaya enjoy.
Afterwards, we decided to watch The Messengers but opted not to. Bukod sa kukulangin kami sa budget (since we still had plans on the next two days), Tita Josie was waiting at home. I had asked her to babysit Angel during the day.
However, prior to going home, I purchased Madonna's The Confessions Tour CD+DVD at Music One in Greenbelt 3. It was locally released that day, and unexpected at that. I was thinking that it'd be release within the month but not on that day. T'was a good (bonus) birthday gift, though, from Warner Bros. and the Queen herself. After her docu, this is one of her most anticipated releases. Last year naman, there was a 24-hr Madonnathon telecast over at MYX. So I technically spent my birthday with her.The next day, February 10, was my birthday (and Biboy and I's anniversary). We spent the night with Shawie on her My Mega Valentine Two concert in Araneta. Medyo di pa nga ako solve on seeing that concert. I thought that a follow-up concert a year after was too soon. Aside from that, I feel that I have been seeing a lot of her during tapings so it wouldn't be bad if I miss the concert. However, the thing is, the more you see her, the more you want to see more of her. She has a way of pulling you towards her. She is bubbly, charming, and very much endearing. (That is why Biboy said that he wants to be friends with her, "Parang ang bait-bait niya.") The moment she opens her mouth, no holds barred talaga. Gladly, she didn't fail us that night. She had given us a night filled with fun and wonderful music! She had ended our day with great memories.
February 11 was Lea Salonga Uncut concert. Apart from being a Sharonian, Babs, and Maddie fan, I have expressed here how much I adore Lea. Her I Am But A Small Voice album (as in LP!) was my very first favorite album, along with Like A Virgin. Because I have already met Shawie, it would've been a great pleasure if I could meet her and have a picture taken with her. (Saka ko na kakaririn ang pagmi-meet kay Babs at Maddie, if ever I'd see the chance to do such!) Kahit hindi ko na mapapirmahan 'yung CD leaflets ko as long as I'd get the chance to let her know that I exist, OK na sa 'kin 'yun. Kaya naman kinapalan ko na ang mukha ko by asking Tin that we'd join them (she'd be with the AFLS group) if ever they'd meet Lea after the concert. She agreed naman so I became super excited that night.
We arrived in PICC 15 minutes before the show time. Hindi naman 'yun dahil sa super excited kami. We just made sure that we wouldn't be late because we arrived 5 minutes or so after on the Tomorrow concert. It was in CCP and the show started on time. We wouldn't want that to happen again so hindi na kami nag-dinner. We just ate a few pieces of siomai in LRT Monumento. However, the concert started 15 minutes late.Also, I made sure that I had a camera with me. During the Sharon taping, I wasn't able to bring it because my sister used it. Hinayang na hinayang ako nun, s'ympre.
Mega-text din ako kay Tin to make sure that she'd meet us after the concert. We planned to meet before the concert because we haven't met each other in person yet. Our correspondences are only through our blogs, YM, and sms. Unfortunately, hindi napaaga ang dating niya.
The show ended at past 10. We went out of the auditorium and waited for Tin and the rest of the group at the lobby. Naghintay rin ako ng text niya pero wala. I tried calling her but it was out of reach. I thought that she could still be inside the balcony area because there were no signals there. We have waited for about 10-15 minutes until Biboy saw people rushing backstage. We went inside to check the commotion and found people lining up to meet Lea. Of course, nagmadali kami sa pagpila rin.
There I found Tin and the AFLS people waiting. Medyo sumama ang loob kasi 'cuz we had waited for her in the lobby. Pa'no kung naghintay pa kami nang mas matagal? We could've miss that chance to meet Lea. Anyway, I just dismissed those thoughts. Finally, I was just a few steps in meeting Lea! I had prepared the camera, took it out of its casing. I had prepared my CD leaflets. Nag-practice na rin ako nang pwede kong sabihin sa kanya.
Should I say "Hi"? Then what? Should I say that I read her blog? Should I say that I tried adding her in my friendster list but she rejected it? Should I say that I'm really such a fan of hers and I have been wanting to meet her for a long time now? Should I say how much I enjoyed the concert? Should I say that it was my birthday the other day? Should I greet her "Advance Happy Birthday"? Should I kiss her?
All those thoughts ran through my mind while we were waiting in line. I felt anxious and excited at the same time. Habang may pumapasok na tao at lumalabas, patuloy naman kaming lumalapit sa pagkakataong hinihintay ko. I admit, I'm quite intimidated with Lea compared to Sharon. May pagka-snob kasi ang dating niya compared to Sharon's warm and welcoming features. Or I guess, di pa lang ako sanay sa kanya. That is why I want to be with her even if for just a few seconds. But of course, it won't be enough to get to know her. Pero carry na!
Dagdag pa sa kaba ay ang kasungitan ng nag-aasikaso sa pila. She'd say in a fierceful manner, "Isa-isa lang. We won't continue unless aayusin n'yo ang pila."
Then, just two people in front of us, she uttered, "Tapos na po. Wala na. Uuwi na siya." Those words broke my heart. Imagine, sobrang lapit na namin. How come the others were given the chance and we weren't?
We still waited for a while till Lea's mom, Ligaya, came out and told us, "Uuwi na kami. Gabi na."
The others pleaded, "Kahit sandali na lang? Konti na lang naman kami..." But they fell on deaf ears.
"Naghihintay pa 'yung anak niya sa kanya," she finally said. Sino ba naman ang tututol pa sa mga salitang iyun?
Pero naghintay pa rin kami kasama 'yung iba. Baka magbago pa ang isip nila. O kaya naman, we could take a glimpse of her once she goes out of the room and leaves the auditorium.
"Wala na siya," the fierceful lady said.
All we could do was sighed. Then, suddenly, Lea came out the other side. She waved and smiled at those she had seen. I took out my camera. Clicked it. But all I got was a shot of Chari Arespacochaga. She went to her van and there was a commotion once again. People ran towards her. May nadapa at dumulas pa nga para mahabol lang siya. They took pictures of her. Biboy tried his darndest to take some but failed.
When it felt like nothing good could happen anymore, Biboy and I left after I met Tin, who was quite disappointed herself. They didn't get the chance to talk to her that night nor take pictures with her.
Before going home, kumain muna kami sa turo-turo beside Star City. Biboy asked me in a worried manner, "Disappointed ka, no?" I answered affirmatively. Imagine, I was so close into having a wish fulfilled yet I fell flat on my face."May susunod pa naman," were his next words to comfort me.
Yes, I know that there is. However, it couldn't change the fact how I got my heart broken that night. When we got home, I slept it off. But I had dreams about it.
I carried that heavy feeling all throughout the week. I didn't listen to any to Lea songs. I change the channel everytime MYX would show her "Promise Me" music video. I just couldn't bear going through the said heartache again. Even as of this writing, masakit pa rin siya. Napapaluha pa rin ako.
It wasn't just a fan's disappointment that I feel, it was a dream made and shattered at the same time...
A birthday wish unfulfilled...
Desires of the heart crushed into pieces...
Nguni't `kaw na ngayo'y alaalang kay pait...
Note:
Began at 3:29 AM
Ended at 6:33 AM
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