Mano Nga Pong Tigilan Na

Mano Po 6: A Mother's Love boasts of many firsts, so the reports say. The whole promotion of the film has relied on them as if they were enough boost for audiences to see it. However, what is the significance of such firsts when the output of the film is so-so? Ipangalandakan mang this is Sharon Cuneta's first movie under Regal, remembering that this is already the sixth installment of the series that has long been stretched would put one off into seeing it. Still, one has to give it a chance. So I did.

One major problem with this Sharon movie is that it is under Regal. Because they are not used to how a Sharon character evolves, nagkasemplang-semplang ang characterization niya sa pelikula.

You see, a Sharon character works in a formula. Depending on how one sees it, a formula could be good or bad. But most of the times, it works for the Megastar. Du'n naman siya nakilala, eh. When one veers away from such formula, it could either be refreshing or disastrous. She tried it in The Crying Ladies. Some liked it, some didn't. Nonetheless, it was something new for her, kaya refreshing pa rin na maituturing. (I love that movie, btw!)

A Mega character formula is simple--she'd start off as meek, api-apihan then unti-unting nag-e-evolve into a fighter. Ipaglalaban niya ang nararapat sa kanya until she'd realized that it doesn't matter to her anymore. Mas importante sa kanya ang pagpapatawad at peace of mind. (Like in real life! See related post here.) From the beginning, halos ganyan ang naging takbo ng mga karakter niya. (That's why she is considered to be an icon In Philippine cinema. May imahe siyang nabuo bilang babae at karakter sa pelikula.) May pattern kaya naeenganyo ang mga manonood na makisabay sa journey niya. (Ito ang tinatawag na hero's journey sa scriptwriting.) Kaya sa tuwing lumilinya na siya ng mga title ng pelikula niya, pati ang audience ay nadadala, napapatanga, at napapanganga. Alam nila kung kailan nagkakaru'n na ng enlightment ang karakter sa sitwasyon niya at kailan siya tuluyang nagbago para sa ikabubuti niya.

With MP6, mayroon pa ring formula pero hinagis kung sa'n-sa'ng parte ng pelikula. The Melinda Uy character was poorly developed. Minsan nagpapaapi siya. Minsan tapang-tapangan. Minsan tanga-tangahan. Minsan sungit-sungitan. Minsan bait-baitan. (At di dahil ito sa flashbacks ng pelikula!) Walang straight path na sinusunod ang ugali niya kaya naman parang tamang ipasok siya sa Mental Hospital sa isang part ng pelikula upang tumino-tino naman siya. Dahil dito, kapag lumilinya na siya nang "Nagnananay-nanayan ka sa anak ko..." o "Your time is up," di ka makapagbunyi. Dahil hindi mo ma-feel ang pinagdaaanan ng karakter niya. (But Sharon is Sharon! Keri niya ang luminya ng mga ganu'n na pihadong klasik na ngayon pa lang!)

Nagkaganu'n marahil ang karakter niya dahil Melinda Uy was not the protagonist in the film. It was Stephanie Uy (Heart Evangelista)! Siya ang may pinakamalaking pagbabago sa movie. Siya ang ginamitan ng formula--nagsimula sa sungit-sungitan na naka-realized ng kanyang pagkakamali na eventually ay humingi ng tawad sa kanyang ina. Si Melinda ay isa lamang main character kaya naman ng mabaril siya, si Stephanie ang naka-realize kung ga'no siya kaimportante sa kanyang ina. Walang nagbago kay Melinda. From the start, we know how much she loves her children. In the first place, 'yun nga ang title ng pelikula, eh!

Another problem with MP6 is that Sharon is surrounded by "amateurs". Dahil nga di buo ang mga karakter sa pelikula, hindi sila magkaka-level. Zsa Zsa Padilla's Olive Uy is not a strong antagonist. Para lang siyang loka-lokahan. Walang sobrang matinding dahilan para api-apihin si Melinda. In the first place uli, kapatid lang siya ni Alfonso Uy (Christopher de Leon--who seemed too old na to be Sharon's husband in the movies), asawa ni Melinda. Mas OK siguro kung ang mga magulang nila (who didn't want Melinda as a daughter-in-law) ang umaapi kay Melinda. Pero naman! Maski sila ay display na kung tawagin ay painting sa pelikula! Walang masyadong akting na ginagawa. Nang tuluyan na ngang umalis si Stephanie at ang mga kapatid niya sa puder nila, wala lang ang akting nila. May-I-stretched lang ng kamay habang papalayo ang magkakapatid.

Since Stephanie is the protagonist, Olive serves as her antagonist because she is the one keeping the truth from her and her siblings about their mother. Siya rin ang nag-brainwash ng isipan nila tungkol kay Melinda. But that set-up wasn't clear enough. Mas nag-focus ang movie sa tunggaliang Melinda-Olive rather than Stephanie-Olive.

Ang nanay ni Melinda, display na kung tawagin ay vase! Kahit pa sabihing siya ang dahilan kung anuman si Melinda sa kasalukuyan. Pero wag ka, kaya pala sila nagkandahirap-hirap eh sa laki ng insurance na binabayaran niya! 10 million ito! Kundi pa siya natigok eh di giginhawa ang buhay ng anak niya. Pero sa'n naman siya nakakuha ng pambayad ng insurance gayo'ng mahirap nga sila?

Ang best friend ni Melinda, display na kung tawagin ay figurine! Parang sinama lang para may matawag siyang best friend, at si Kris Aquino iyon! Bad acting, susme! Anyone could have portrayed such role. With much gusto pa siguro! Wala naman siyang bearing masyado. At Alfonso's burol scene, her eyes wander around! Tingnan n'yo! Ka-lurky ang Tetay na may-I-brag pa na part siya ng movie.

Si Carol (Ciara Sotto), bad acting! Kahit sandamakmak ang luhang tumulo sa kanya sa bugbugan scene niya ay di pa rin maituturing na good acting 'yun. Besides, I was bothered by how bad her teeth are. For someone who is as rich as they are, maa-afford naman niya siguro ang mamahaling dentista. Anyway, sa next scene na sort of confrontation nina Melinda at Stephanie, para lang siyang tuod na nakatayo. Pasinga-singa para kunwari naiiyak siya. Tutal background lang naman siya. Di na mapapansin kung may luha man siya o wala. Naubos na siguro sa major iyakan scene niya. (Kaya 'wag na magtaka kung bakit di umusad ang career niya sa akting pati sa recording!)

'Yung dalawa pang anak ni Melinda, display na kung tawagin ay naglalakihang banga! Walang kwento ang mga buhay nila except 'yung sneaking around to see her and reconnect with her. Other than that, no major drama in their lives. Kaya naman when they finally get to be with their mother at nagkayakapan, parang wala lang. Hindi nakakaantig. Care ko kung mabali ang mga buto sila sa pagyayakapan!

Daniel Chua (Dennis Trillo), as Stephanie's fiance, is an accessory para magkalapit sina Melinda at Stephanie. I really don't care much about him for I stopped liking him ever since I learned that he can be such a wuss. (Pinababayaan niyang mag-away-away ang mga exes niya dahil sa kanya. He never once stood for any of them!) What's funny though is Nina Jose's character who is his lover. She's a vixen! Pokpok-ish, who in the end turned out to be a secret agent. No one would've guessed! She has fooled everyone, including the audience. Sino ba naman kasi ang mag-aakalang secret agent siya ala Dana Scully ng X-Files gayu'ng super lamya niya kumilos! Nu'ng maglabas nga siya ng baril, parang wala lang. Parang lipstick lang ang tinutok niya!

Maayos naman ang acting ni Mega, but we've seen better. I wasn't that impressed. Characterization kasi ang problema kaya di maigi ang naibigay niya. May old style of acting siya kung minsan. Then may Lamasan style ala Madrasta in her crying moments. Labo-labo na just because di malinaw ang kung ano ba ang dapat niyang ipakita. Di nga siya mukhang toughie-toughie para katakutan ng mga gumagago sa mga anak niya. At ang mga bags! Kailangan ba silang umeksena palagi?!

Isa sa nakikita kong peg sa Melinda-Olive dynamic ay ang Marlene-Ingrid characters from Tayong Dalawa--cheap at mga "palengkera", mula sa mga binibitiwan nilang dialogues hanggang sa kung paano sila mag-react sa isa't-isa. Coming from a poorita familia, one would expect Melinda to be such, pero hindi consistent. However, si Olive na mula sa de buena familia, one would at least expect class and sophistication from her, but there was none. Para nga siyang sinto-sinto sa tuwing iinisin niya si Melinda.

Of course, may iba pa bang masisisi kung bakit nagkaganito ang pelikula kundi sa pagkakasulat nito at pagkakadirehe? MP6 is a soap opera, and not a good one at that! Walang siyang kakaibang naibigay sa manonood na hindi pa napanood sa TV o sa mga lumang pelikula. The Mano Po series should have had an epic feel to it with its grandiosity and style, pero laging sumasablay. Epic failure instead ang binigay.

The narration is bad. Kailangan pa bang i-narrate ang nakikita na on screen? The dialogues are bad. Dito ay maririnig ang linyang, "Hayup ka!" "Walanghiya ka!" Sobrang bago, 'no! At minsan, di pa sila nagkakasyang sabihin ng isang beses ang linya, dumadalawa pa tulad ng "Tuluyan na akong masisiraan ng bait" ni Melinda! At ang salitang "malas" ay paulit-ulit sinasabi.

Music scoring is bad. 'Yung scene na nabangga ang kotse nina Daniel at Carol, nag-Batman style! Kulang na lang ang salitang "POW!" sa screen!

At ang Chinese dialogues? Di ako Chinese, but I feel na di tama ang pagbigkas nila ng mga dialogues. (Saka sa Mano Po 1 pa lang ay pinag-iisipan ko na kung bakit English ang translation ng Chinese dialogues. Does that mean English mag-isip ang mga Chinese at hindi Tagalog? Kung ganu'n nga, eh di fine!)

Lots of unimaginative shots! May mga kuhang mula sa itaas looking down na hindi ko alam kung ano ang saysay maliban sa ipakita kung ga'no kalaki si Mega. They are unflattering. Hindi man lang naalagaan ng mga shots si Mega rito.

(Siguro ang naging isa sa mga mali ay ang pagle-level kina Mega at Zsa Zsa. Not to sound rude about my idol, wala naman sigurong naaaping malaki ng maliit unless tungkol sa pagiging malaki ang banat ng maliit, at super insecure si malaki about it. Pero di 'yun ang tema ng pelikula.)

Pati mga location ay di pinag-isipang husto--dagat, dalampasigan, bahay, office, tabi ng dagat, hotel room, hotel lobby, tabi ng dagat uli, etc. Sa isang movie na dapat epiko ang dating, tinipid sa location. Napunta siguro mostly ang location budget sa pagpunta sa China--na lagi namang mayro'n sa mga nagdaang Mano Po series! Ano ba bagong ru'n eh turista lang naman sila at magda-dialogue sandali sa Great Wall of China? Ba't kaya di gawin ang buong pelikula sa China para talagang may bago!

Bad plot. Nothing new. But given that plots are mostly recycled, walang fresh na naibigay ang movie sa lumang plot. Most of the events are cliched.

Suggestion ko, ipahinga na ang Mano Po! Please lang, Mother. Sinayang mo ang pagkakataong makatrabaho si Mega by giving her this tired and crappy movie. Baka di na maulit. Unless you can come up with something as huge as Heaven and Earth or The Joy Luck Club, ilibing na ang seryeng ito! But I'm sure that this won't be the last of it.

Isa pa, pahinga ka na rin muna direk Joel Lamangan. Rest and get your act together! You wouldn't want to be remembered by the lousy movies you've been doing lately, di ba? Aminin mo nang you're overworked. Di naman masamang tumanggi sa mga movies na binibigay sa 'yo. O kaya naman, concentrate on acting muna uli. You are a great actor. Mas mae-enjoy ka pa naman kung ganu'n.

Next time, Mano Po: Spare Us!

Napapaisip Lang

May matatanggap kaya akong (material) gifts this Christmas? Hindi naman kailangang specific. Kahit ano will do just to feel that I am remembered on this special occasion. But in case someone cares enough to know what I want, I'd post a wish list after this one. :p

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Pero sabi nga ng isang kanta sa Glee, we don't always get what we want. What comes is what we need.

However, masarap naman talagang makuha ang gusto mo kahit di mo naman kailangan.

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What does 2010 has in store for me? 2009 had been a naughty one. I hope that no more heartaches will come my way. 2010, be good, please?

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Matupad ko kaya ang mga gusto kong mangyari sa buhay ko sa bagong dekada na ito?

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Is there such a thing as "selfish break-up"? A line in the song "I Love You, Goodbye" by Celine Dion says, "I'm only doing this for you..." Oh really now?!

Does one really split with someone because he/she thinks of the other one's welfare? May katotohanan ba ang mga linya "I'm not good for you," "You deserve someone better," etc. when those lines come from the one who is hurting you basically?

Parang kang sinasaksak habang nagso-sorry 'yung tao.

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Naalala ko tuloy ang isang episode sa Ally McBeal and the movie Closer that say honesty can sometimes be overrated. Sometimes you really don't say the truth because someone deserves to know it. You say it to get the guilt off your chest. You say it to make things better for yourself which in the end could scar the other person for life.

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Which leads to me an episode of Friends where Joey pointed out to Phoebe that "there is no such thing as completely selfless giving." You give in part to feel good, which could be quite a selfish act. Not totally selfish, but part selfish. Parang no such thing as complete freedom din 'yun.

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The word "po" these days has been losing its meaning. It has been overused, and not in a good way. Nagagamit pa kaya siya sa ngayon sa totoong purpose niya: in respecting the elders and people with authority?

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I think it's way past the "respecting" level when someone younger than you uses "po" in your conversations after you made the "deed." After "magbastusan," balik sa galangan ba ito?!

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UP students are not what they're cracked up to be. Hindi pala lahat ng nandu'n ay cowboy, masa. Sandamakmak din pala ang maaarte at pa-sosyal (kung hindi talagang sosyal). Minsan sarap bangasin ng pagmumukha nila!

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Ang tsinelas, Havaiinas man o kung anong sosyaling brand, ay tsinelas pa rin! It can never be fashionable. Ang mga kano, ginawa siyang fashion statement just because they are not used to wearing it. Dapat bang sumabay pa tayong mga Pinoy?!

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So do sandos! Susme naman! 'Wag gawing panglakad ang sando, lalo na't di naman flawless ang skin mo!

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Ang baby ay parang lalaking adult. Matapos labasan ng ebs at malinis, nakakatulog!

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Is it bad when I still think about you when I'm with someone else?

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Is it not good when I see you as a pigeon which will find its way home once it is done exploring the horizon?

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Or am I really just fooling myself into believing such?

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When will I be completely over you? Nakakapagod na, eh.

***

Ayoko Na Sanang Magmahal

Kadalasan sa madaling araw, masarap magbukas ng TV at ilagay sa Cinema One. You'd often catch some rare "classics" shown parang 'yung mga pelikulang pinapalabas ng alas-tres ng hapon sa nasabing channel. Minsan talaga namang klasiko ang palabas, tipong award-winning. Minsan tamang campy at B-movie lang, ka-cheapan kung ka-cheapan. Some campy fun, some campy bad. Minsan tamang sex trip lang, exploitation kung exploitation ang drama. Bad acting kung bad acting so long as marunong umungol. (Greta, ikaw ba 'yan?) Depende sa mood mo, pwede mo siyang pagtiyagaan hanggang sa makatulog ka na.

Tonight I happened to chanced upon a Maricel Laxa movie. Di ko siya naumpisan kaya di ko alam ang title. Gusto ko si Maricel - "Hot Summer" days pa lang nila ni Alice Dixson - kaya tamang nood naman ako, lalo pa't feel kong di ko pa siya napapanood. Parang pre-"Iisa Pa Lamang" at "Ikaw Ang Lahat Sa Akin" days ang movie dahil medyo di pa kagalingan ang arte ni Maricel. May inclination na ko na baka ito ang movie'ng "Ayoko Na Sanang Magmahal" pero parang di naman bagay ang nangyayari sa kwento sa title ng pelikula so baka hindi ito 'yun. (I later found out na 1996 pala napalabas ang movie so after the two mentioned movies na.)

Anyway, naabutan ko sina Maricel at Maritoni Fernandez (pre-gum surgery niya pa 'ata ito kasi maliliit pa 'yung teeth niya) na in friendship mode. Close-closan sila so I can tell na best friends sila. The next scene, Gabby Concepcion enters. Tulad ni Maritoni, di boses ni Gabby ang ginamit sa pelikula. Eto ang mga panahong mega-lagari si Gabby ng mga pelikula na kahit sinu-sinong starlet ay pinapatos at tinutulungang ma-introduce! So ayun! 'Lang panahon mag-dubbing para sa movie niya. Anyway uli, so enter si Gabby nga. Nangutang kay Maritoni. Sa eksena pinakitang close-closan din ang dalawa. May history 'ika nga. May-I-advice si Maritoni na ayusin ni Gabby ang buhay niya. Imbes na taluhin ang kapawa mahirap sa panggagantso niya ay pumasok na lang sa gobyerno at mangurakot! Gandang advice! Tang-ina!

Next scene, nalaman kong ikakasal pala si Maricel sa jowa niya. Kaya lang afraid siya sa sex! Virgin pa raw siya. Di niya raw malaman ang gagawin. Wala naman siyang trauma sa sex as a child, pero afraid siya. La lang. Trip niya lang maging afraid. So nakatayo siya beside the pool na yakap-yakap ang sarili. "Natatakot ako," sabi niya. Bad acting at its best ito! Samantalang si Maritoni, who is a bad actress herself, ay pangisi-ngisi lang. We can't tell kung natatawa lang ba siya sa dilemma ng friend niya o may binabalak na siyang masama. Pero hayup ka! Tama bang ngumiti-ngiti ka habang namumroblema ang friend mo sa sex?!

Pero eto siya, pumasok ng lasing sa bahay ng jowa na si Leo Rabago. Model-modelan siya nu'ng '90s turned bad actor kaya 'wag na magtaka kung bakit wala na siya ngayon. Naka-bathrobe lang si Leo. Itatanong niya kay Maritoni kung 'asan si Maricel pero mag-iinarte ang loka. Magda-dramang bakit ba laging hinahanap sa kanya si Maricel. Ay, inggit pala ang loka sa friend niya. At may-I-hagis pa siya ng sarili kay Leo matapos niya magtanggal ng pang-itaas to reveal her bra. Di ko na napansin kung pa'no niya nagawa pero nahubad niya ang bathrobe ni Leo. Naka-bikini brief ito. 'Yung brief na g-string ang waist band. Nu'ng '90s, ang g-string ay nasa waist band. Ngayon nasa puwitan na! Improvement ba itong matatawag?!

Mabalik tayo sa loka-lokahang si Maritoni. So may-I-seduce siya kay Leo na mapapahiga sa mesa only to turned Maritoni away saying, "Lasing ka lang!" So kung di pala siya lasing, keri lang, ganu'n ba 'yun? Pero may-I-speech si Maritoni na mahal niya si Leo, pero ayaw sa kanya ni guy.

Sa isang liblib na lugar andu'n sina Maricel at Maritoni, bumaba ng van at tuwang-tuwang tiningnan ang binili nila. Sa'n ka pa! Talagang kailangang bumaba pa ng sasakyan para lang matuwa sa binili nila. At talagang kailangang sa liblib na lugar pa, ah! But wait! May nagbabadyang panganib! May dumating na sasakyan. May bumabang mga lalaki. Ayun, kinidnap nila si Maricel! Shet! Scary! Scary hindi dahil nakidnap si Maricel. Scary kasi makikita natin sa next scene ang pag-iyak ni Maritoni! May-I-explain siya sa mga pulis kung pa'no dinukot si Maricel. Hu hu hu! Leche!

Sa safehouse, andu'n si Maricel. Si Gabby ang kumidnap sa kanya. Binigay ni Maricel ang lahat ng alahas na suot niya at nagmakaawang 'wag siyang sasaktan. Nanghingi ng pera si Gabby. Pero walang mailabas si Maricel. S'ympre naman! Nasa purse niya kaya! Eh di naman niya keri 'yung purse niya nu'ng dukutin siya nang walang ka-abog-abog. So speak si Gabby na ipapatubos daw siya sa jowa niya. Kung mahal siya ng jowa niya, babayaran siya.

Next scene, na-rape na si Maricel. You could tell kasi may pasa na 'yung face niya. Naka-polo lang siya at hawak-hawak niya ng mahigpit ang sarili. Kita ang legs ng lola mo! Pero parang wala lang. Halos magkalapit pa rin sila ni Gabby. Parang di siya na-afraid sa kanya.

Exit si Gabby. Pinabantayan siya sa mga alipores. Ang alipores ay na-typan siya. Pero parang wala pa rin. Hindi tumayo si Maricel sa kama at lumayo. Wait lang siya lapitan ng mga alipores sabay sampal at sabing "Bastos!" nang tipong hahalikan na siya. Lumilinya talaga siya ng bastos?! Isn't it way too past that line nang reypin siya ni Gabby?! Di ba dapat tipong "Mga demonyo kayo!" ang linya niya? O "Maawa kayo sa tulad kong birhen na takot sa sex"? Sabagay, kanya-kanyang trip 'yan! 'Wag tayo mangealam!

Ilang araw rin ang lumipas bago dumating ang ransom. Si Maricel ganu'n pa rin. Walang takot sa face. Di umiiyak. Wala lang. Maski nga ng ibaba siya sa sasakyan, parang namasyal lang siya. Atypical of the typical acting of rape victims that we see on movies.

Naospital ang lola mo. Ayun! Humagulgol na siya! In denial pa siya siguro nu'ng nare-rape siya kaya expressionless ang mukha. Pero this time, dahil ramdam na niya ang sarap eh ang sakit pala, bigay-todo siya sa pag-iyak. Nababoy raw siya. Di na raw siya karapat-dapat sa pagmamahal ni Leo. Di na raw niya itutuloy ang kasal kasi madumi na siya. Babayaran niya raw 'yung ransom na binigay ni Leo nang buong-buo.

Pero tumanggi si Leo. Mahal niya raw siya no matter what. Pero may paninindigan ang lola natin! Ayaw na niya sa kanya. Kaya sa Baguio na lang daw siya titira kasama ang kanyang ina na si Charito Solis. Pero bago siya umalis, hinabilin niya muna si Leo kay Maritoni. S'ympre natuwa ang lola mo! May-I-bigay siya kagad ng sarili kay Leo na eventually, nagpakasal sila kasi buntis daw siya. Pero di siya mahal ni lalaki. Ano ba naman daw 'yung sa tuwing papasok siya sa trabaho ay magpaalam sa kanya? Tapos nagmakaawa na siya. Humingi ng kahit konting pagmamahal. Cry here, cry there. As if naman ang mga ganu'ng speech ay makapagpapabago ng nararamdaman ng isang tao. Kahit dugo pa ang iiyak niya, kundi siya mahal, deadma sa kanya!

Meanwhile, sa Baguio, nalaman ni Maricel na buntis siya. In denial siya at first. Pwede raw ba ipalaglag, sabi niya sa ob-gyne. Pero tutol si Tita Chato. Wala raw kasalanan ng jugets sa nangyari sa kanya. Kaya kineri niya ang baby hanggang sa mapanganak. Di niya loves kaya di niya inaalagaan. Minsan crayola to death ang baby. Walang yaya. Pinuntahan niya at binigyan ng gatas. Pero ayaw tumigil. Kinarga niya. Cry ever pa rin. So nilabas niya ang suso niya at pinadede ang bata! Ayun instant bonding silang mag-ina! Magaling magaling magaling!

Sa Manila naman, balik tayo sa time na nag-speech si Maritoni sa asawa niya. Dahil nga deadma ang asawa sa kanya, naglasing siya at tumayo sa hagdanan. Tipsi-tipsihin ang lola kaya ayun naghulog sa stairs! Ang tanga! Kainez! 'Tas nu'ng nasa baba na siya ng stairs, parang wala lang. Nakaupo lang siya na parang di alam ang nangyari. Pero na-afraid siya nang ma-sight niyang may blood siya sa binti. So deads ang baby nila! Panalo!

Si Gabby naman, bad boy pa rin. Nagplano na magnanakaw ng isang store. Di ko na na-gets kung anong store 'yun, pero pinipigilan sila ni Aiko Melendez, sister ni Gabby. Delikado raw ang gagawin nila. Hindi siya nagsabing masama iyon bagkus "delikado" ang linya niya. Sabi ni Gabby na 'wag siya makikialam. Pero nature ng karakter niya ang makiaalam kaya naman sinundan niya ang shupatid. May dumating na pulis sa lugar na pinagnakawan nina Gabby. Nagkaru'n ng barilan. May-I-shout si Aiko na itigil na iyon at may-I-run siya kay Gabby. Ayun, nasagasaan siya. Isa pang tanga! Di tumitingin sa kalsada!

Makalipas ang ilang linggo siguro 'yun, umuwi si Gabby. Pagod na pagod. Nakaupo lang si Aiko. Pinaghanda siya ng pagkain ni Gabby. May gusto siyang sabihin pero pinipigil siya ng kapatid. Paulit-uli ang pagsasabi ng "Kuya..." pero parang gutom na gutom na si Gabby kaya pinapauna na lang ang pagkain. So kinuha ni Aiko ang saklay niya, tumayo, at lumakad! Ay nadisgrasya pala ang bruha kaya shocked si kuya. "Ano ang nangyari sa 'yo?" tanong ni Gabby. Ayun, nagkwento na siya ng katangahan niya. From then, di ko na maalala ang mga linya niya.

Sa next scene, nalaman ko na may sakit si Maricel. Umuwi siya ng Manila at nakipagkita kay Maritoni. Pinakiusap ni Maritoni na 'wag siyang makikipagkita sa asawa niya. Agree naman si Maricel. Pero may hiling daw siya. Gusto raw niya na si Maritoni ang mag-alaga sa kanya kasi may sakit siya sa bato at naghihintay ng donor. Agree si Maritoni! Best friends, eh. Swit-switan!

Pero sadyang mapaglaro ang tadhana. Nagkita sina Maricel at Leo sa isang mall. Nice setting, 'no? Ginusto ni Leo na makipag-date sa kanya pero tiim-bagang siyang tumanggi with matching laki ng mata. Enter ang junakis ni Maricel. Pinakilala kay Leo. "May anak ka na?" tanong niya. Obvious ba?! Mommy nga ang tawag kay Maricel, eh. Jusme naman, oo!

Naoperahan si Maricel. May donor daw na nagbigay ng bato at ayaw magpakilala. Pero matigas ang ulo ni Maricel. Determined siyang makilala ang donor niya. Bakit daw hindi nagpapabayad? Gusto niya mapasalamatan ek-ek. K! Fine!

Si Leo rin matigas ang ulo. Binigyan ng gifts ang junakis ni Maricel. 'Wag daw niya bigyan ng attensyon ang bata dahil di niya siya anak. Pero alam naman nating si Maricel talaga ang puntirya ng lolo! Mahal pa rin daw niya ang lola! Ayun bumigay ang gaga! Mahal pa rin niya raw siya. This time di na siya afraid sa sex. Feel na feel na niya! Matagal-tagal din siyang natigang.

Dumating si Maritoni asking, "Totoo ba?" nang paulit-ulit kay Maricel. Ang sagot naman ni Maricel ay "Lasing ka lang." Pero determined din si Maritoni na malaman ang truth! Pasok si Leo asking, "Mercy, sino 'yan?" Ayun! Napatunayan ni Maritoni na may affair ang dating mag-jowa. Kaya inaway niya 'yung dalawa. Luminya ng typical na "Mang-aagaw ka," "Traydor ka,", etc. etc. Jusme naman kasi 'tong si Leo! Di ba naman nabosesan si Maritoni?! Ang dense, ah! Eh de sana pwede ba luminya si Maricel nang, "Lasing ka lang."

Susunod ay malalaman ni Maricel kung sino ang donor niya. Ang speech ng secretary niya, "Kaya lang po ang address niya ay sa Muntinlupa." So?! Masyado bang malayo 'yun sa location ni Maricel. Pero hindi. Muntinlupa jail pala ibig sabihin ng lola mo.

Sa Bilibid, lalabas si Gabby. Hihiyaw at mag-iiyak si Maricel. "Ikaw! Ikaw! Sinira mo ang buhay ko!" Hihingi ng sorry si Gabby. Nababagabag daw ang damdamin niya sa ginawa niya kaya may-I-give siya ng bato niya. (Ba't di na lang puso mo ang bibigay mo kaya!) Pero patuloy sa bad acting si Maricel. Iyak kung iyak! Palo kung palo! Mayro'n daw siyang hindi alam sabi ni Gabby. Si Maritoni raw ang may pakana ng lahat! Kasi inggitera ang lola mo!

Sugod si Maricel sa balush nina Maritoni at Leo. Sinisigaw niya ang namesung ni Maritoni. "Ba't mo hinahanap ang asawa ko?" asks Leo. Uy, concern!

Labas si Maritoni. Galit-galitan pa. Sasampalin sana si Maricel, pero pinigil ni Maricel. Alam na raw niya ang totoo. "Sinira mo ang buhay ko!" O, di ba! Classic line! Nag-sorry si Maritoni, ayaw tanggapin ni Maricel. Exit siya.

Turn to Leo si Maritoni. Time naman ni Leo na luminya sa kanya, "Mas marumi ka pa sa putik!" Exit siya.

Crayola si Maritoni while yelling Leo's name. Napaupo pa siya sa carpet habang hinaplos-haplos ito.

Sa opisina nakipagkita si Aiko kay Maricel. Humihingi ng tawad para sa bro niya. Wala raw kapatawaran ang ginawa ni Gabby. "Sinira niya ang buhay ko!" sabi ni Maricel. By this time, parang gusto niyang palabasin na di natin alam na nasira ang buhay niya!

"Mas mabuti pa ang Diyos, nagpapatawad," linya ni Aiko. Op corz naman, 'no! Sabay tayo with her saklay na lagi niyang tinatago. Shocked si Maricel. "Pilay ka?" Weno naman ngayon?! May bearing ba 'yun dapat?

Di raw humihingi ng awa si Aiko para sa kalagayan niya. Para na lang daw sa kuya niya na gusto niyang maramdaman na may saysay ang pagbabagong ginagawa niya sa preso. Naantig ang puso ni Maricel kaya the next scene, may-I-forgive siya kay Gabby. But that's not it! May secret pa. 'Yung batang dala niya ay anak ni Gabby!

"May anak ako?" asks Gabby. Natuwa ang lolo mo. May nagawa pa raw pala siyang mabuti sa mundo. Huwatttt???!!

"Gusto mo ipakilala kita?" tanong ni Maricel. Hello, Maricel?! Sabog ka ba?! Sabog ba kayong pare-pareho?

'Wag daw. Ayaw raw ni Gabby malaman ni junakis niyang may ama siyang kriminal. So niyakap-yakap niya at end of his scene na.

Pero di ru'n nagtapos ang lahat. Isang gabi tsinek ni Leo ang mga pinto ng bahay. Matutulog na sila, eh. Naka-bathrobe siya. Pinakita ang gold clubs sa tabi. Assume mo na lang na may nawala although di naman natin alam kung ilan 'yun talaga. Bukas ang door. Sinara ni Leo. May pumukpok sa kanya ng gold club. Nawalan siya ng malay habang suot ang kanyang bathrobe.

Baba si Maricel. Di pa niya knows ang nangyayari. Hinahap-hanap pa niya si Leo. Maririnig niya ang cry ng junakis niya. Pupuntahan sa kusina. Nakatali ang bagets. Darating si Maritoni. Saksakin si Maricel. Papakitang nakatali ang tatlong maids sa quarters nila. Hanep! Ang lakas ni Maritoni, ah!

Tatakbo ang bagets. Hahabulin ni Maritoni. Mahuhuli at pagbabantaang papatayain. Magmamakaawa si Maricel pero windang talaga si Maritoni. Ang itim-itim ng eye bags niya siginifying di siya nakatulog sa pagpaplano ng gagawin niya.

Hinatak niya sa pool ang bagets habang nakatutok ang kutsilyo sa leeg nito. Enter Leo na may baril. Tinakot si Maritoni na papatayin siya with it. Pero di scared ang lola! Tutuloy pa rin ang balak kaya binaril na siya ni Leo. Nahulog sa pool ang lola. Takbo si Maricel sa junakis at niyakap-yakap. Ganu'n din si Leo.

However, may kamay sa balikat ni Leo! Hinatak ito papunta sa pool! Buhay pa ang lola Maritoni! Pero hindi na rin. Last breath na n'ya 'yun. Lumutang na siya sa tubig. Dahil nga mas marumi pa siya sa putik kaya kinailangan sa pool siya mamatay! O di ba! Very "Fatal Attraction!" Sa'n ka pa! Lume-level si Maritoni kay Glenn Close! Ang tindi!

Last scene, beach! As always with Pinoy movies. Naka-briefs lang si Leo. S'ympre model kaya kailangang ipakita ang katawan. Lang ka-abs-abs si Leo. Nu'ng panahon na 'yun, 'yun na ang definition ng sexy sa lalaki. Di kailangan ng muscles. Basta fit, keri na. Di ko na alam ang mga linya nila nu'n 'cause by then, bumitaw na ko. Basta happy ending siya. Nag-end credits na after.

Ayun! Natapos din. Hanggang sa matapos eh di ko talaga maitugma ang title niya sa kwento ng movie. Di na nga rin pinatugtog pa ang kantang 'yun ni Ariel Rivera. I wonder kung ano ang original title ng super baduy na movie na ito, na sinulat pa kamo ni Ricky Lee, ah! Ka-lurky!

O sya, good night na! Isang oras kong sinulat ang super habang entry na ito para sabihin lang na walang kwenta ang movie! 'Wag n'yo panoorin! Alas-kwatro na! At another Gabby movie ang palabas after nito. Di ko na kering sundan pa ito!

Babush!

First Day Jitters

First day of school!

I've got one word to describe this day:

A.N.X.I.O.U.S.


I hope I survive it.

In times like these, I miss the hand that holds and the words that calm...

It seems like you're on sabbatical for a much needed break. I hope that you'll be back soon 'cause I need you...

In Focus: Madonna Singles Collection

Ang hirap mag-collect ng Madonna singles! Sobrang dami kasi. Minsan isang single lang, may ilang releases na! Minsan pa nagkakaiba-iba per country. 'Yung mga regular editions nga lang, di ko pa nakukumpleto. I do not intend to have them all naman especially if the track listing are the same. I'm more interested kung may kaiba ba sa certain release like the cover or may postcards na kasama or a certain remix not included in the standard edition. 'Yung iba super rare kasi not available na or if ever may nagbebenta, presyong langit naman!

Anyway, eto ang mga CDs na nakolekta ko throughout the years.

I don't have anything yet from the Madonna and Like a Virgin eras. Late na rin kasi ako nag-start mag-collect.

True Blue Era

Japan-released EP that has remixes of "Everybody," "Papa Don't Preach," and "Live To Tell [Instrumental version]".

Like a Prayer Era

Both are Japan-release EPs. Remixed Prayers has both "Like a Prayer" and "Express Yourself". "Keep It Together" includes "Cherish".

I'm Breathless Era

The Back Trax release (upper left) has the Single Versions for both Vogue and Keep It Together, not included on their own maxis. I love both versions of the songs rather than their album versions.

The Immaculate Collection Era

The Holiday Collection (below) is a mini-EP that has songs not included in The Immaculate Collection album. It has the original versions of "Holiday" and "True Blue," and the slightly remixed versions of "Who's That Girl" and "Causing a Commotion." Truly a Madonna collector's must-have!

Erotica Era

There are no differences in the track listing of both "Erotica" CDs except that the one on the left is Japan-released (jewel case) while the one from the right is US-released (cardboard case).

It is the same case with "Deeper and Deeper" except that the Japan-released edition is an EP version. It includes remixes of "Bad Girl" and "Erotica" (available in its own CDS [CD Single] release).

"Rain" (middle) is Japan-released EP that includes remixes of "Fever", "Bad Girl", "Waiting", and a b-side called "Up Down Suite".

Bedtime Stories Era

"Human Nature." The purple version has 5 tracks on it: exclusive on it are the "Human Club Mix" and "Chorus Door Slam With Nine Sample." (I believe that one of these two is included in the red version, but has a different title. I just forgot which one.) The red (standard) edition has 9 tracks on it.

"Take a Bow." The jewel-cased edition has 3 tracks on it. One of which is the Edit version of the song, not included in the standard edition. The regular edition has 5 tracks and is on cardboard case.

Something To Remember Era

"Oh Father" was re-released during the STR era. The CDS has postcards in it.

"You'll See" above has three tracks namely Edit and Instrumental versions, and Rain [LP Version]. Below has four tracks that included the Album, Instrumental, and Spanish versions, and "Live To Tell [Live]".

"One More Chance" has "You'll See [Spanglish Version]".

Evita Era

Exclusive to the "You Must Love Me" CDS are the Single version of the song (with instrumental beginning used in the music video) and "You Must Love/I'd Be Suprisingly Good [Orchestral Version] played during the ending of the film. Both are not available on the two versions of the movie soundtrack.

Ray of Light Era

"Frozen" in a cardboard snap-case (above) has four tracks while the jewel-cased (below) edition has five tracks that included the Widescreen Mix.

"Nothing Really Matters" cardboard snap-case edition (left) has 9 tracks while the jewel-cased (right) one has 3. Those 3 are also included in the other edition. I bought the one on the right by mistake. I thought that the Club 69 Radio Mix was not included on the other one.

I've two CDs of "Power of Goodbye/Little Star". Again, the other one was a mistake. I thought that I was purchasing the Luke Slater (LS) remixes, but I wasn't. Parehong version pala sila. Mailap sa 'kin ang LS remixes na 'yun!

Music Era

"Don't Tell Me" left has 8 remixes while right has 2 remixes plus the b-side "Cyber-Raga".

"What It Feels Like For A Girl" above has 7 remixes while the one below has 5 that includes the edited version used in the music video and the Spanish version, "Lo Que Siento La Mujer". There's another version that has a poster on it. I didn't buy it then. Kulang sa budget.

GHV2 Era

"Die Another Day." CD2 (below) has Deepsky Edit. I enjoy listening to edited versions of the remixes than the full ones. Mas gusto ko kasi 'yung radio friendly versions.

"Me Against the Music" is one of my two most favorite Madonna collaborations (the other one being "Guilty By Association" with Joe Henry), so I had to get the CDS even though it really isn't a Madonna single per se. CD1 has three remixes. CD2 has four and the poster. The US version (lower right) has seven. There are remixes that are exclusive to a particular CDS.

American Life Era

"Love Profusion" CD1 (fuschia) has the Album and Passengerz Club Mix versions, and "Nothing Fails [Radio Edit]" while CD2 (yellow orange) has the Album and Ralphi Rosario House Vocal Mix (at 6:02) versions and "Nobody Knows Me [Above and Beyong 12" Mix]. The regular maxi (blue) has 6 remixes, different from the first two plus "Nothing Fails [Peter's Lost in Space Mix]" which is not included in its own maxi.

Remixed and Revisited Era

This is a Gap in-house store promo CD that included Madonna's collaboration with Missy Elliot, "Into the Hollywood Groove", and "Hollywood".

Confessions on a Dancefloor Era

Nothing special on the two "Hung Up" maxis except that one has only three tracks and the other has six. The three-track version was the only one available locally while the six-track version is US-released.

"Sorry." Etong tatlo ay may pagkakaiba-iba talaga. The above CDS has three tracks that included the Radio and Man With Guitar Remix (full) versions and "Let It Will Be [Paper Faces Mix] (full)". The one in the middle is the regular edition that has six tracks. It has the Man With Guitar Edit version and the "Let It Will Be [Paper Faces Vocal Edit]". The one below has five tracks that also included the Man With Guitar Mix Edit, mislabeled as the full mix.

Hard Candy Era

"4 Minutes" is the only one I got so far from the Hard Candy album. I have yet to acquire the other two singles. Not much releases were made during this era. Probably because it was the last full length Madonna album from Warner. Di na sila nag-effort maglabas pa ng marami variations.

Withdrawal

Last week, my PC died on me. For a few times, it would suddenly turned itself off after a few minutes of being on until it doesn't turn on anymore. I refused to think that the power supply might be busted for it was just replaced a few months back. But when I had it checked, it seemed that the new power supply had given up, as well. It stayed at the repair shop for observation. Aside from the broken CPU fan, nagha-hang din daw siya.

While at the "hospital," I felt upset. Parang baby ko na ang PC ko, and whenever it exhibits some faulty behavior, nabo-bother ako. Parang isang anak, hindi ako mapakali until I know that it's doing OK. Bukod pa sa worries about sa magiging expenses, I just can't function well without it. May laptop ako, but nothing beats my PC. I do most of my work with it particularly blogging. Dami na naming napagdaanan. Marami na kaming ginawa together. Marami na kaming sikretong binahagi sa isa't-isa. Tumawa at umiyak na kaming magkasama.

For the past 6 years, everytime na magkaka-problema ang baby ko, si ex ang lagi kong takbuhan. Siya ang pinabubuhusan ko ng worries ko especially 'pag may mga nakatenggang orders. Having a computer background, the ex would stay all night just to fix the problem, without having to resort to changing any parts. Lumang PC pa ang gamit ko n'ung magkakilala kami. Ilang beses na siyang pumalya, but the ex had managed to revived it again and again. Pero s'yempre dumating din 'yung time na na niya kinaya ang hirap dala ng katandaan. Naawa na rin ako sa kanya so I decided to retire it, and buy myself a new baby in 2006. Mas bongga! Mas hi-tech! With matching LCD screen. Until now siya pa rin ang gamit ko.

One of my worries when the ex left was how would I handle it kapag tinopak ang baby ko. I was able to handle the problems myself, but somehow telling the ex about it was my way of coping with it. Alam ko namang wala na siya rito para ayusin ang problema, but the mere act of telling him gives me a sigh of relief. Alam naman niya kasi kung gaano ako nag-wo-worry everytime it happens, at marinig ko lang na sabihin niya noong nandito pa siya na he will look into it makes me feel better.

Last week I was having some withdrawal symptoms. Feeling upset, I was having the itch to contact the ex, and tell him about the condition of my baby. Its motherboard needed replacing. Nag-give up na nang tuluyan dahil ilang beses ding nag-exhibit siya ng motherboard defect signs before. But I stopped myself. What for? What would I say, anyway? Magmumukha na naman akong needy sa paningin niya. So instead of running to the ex, I sucked it up and accepted the situations: one, my baby needed surgery, and it has to be done or risk losing it completely, and; second, I can't run to the ex anymore when problems like these occur. For one thing, he can't help me anymore, and he had stopped caring a long time ago.

So ayun, new motherboard, CPU fan, and power supply (buti na lang at umabot 'to sa 6-month warranty!) for my baby. By Saturday it was home! Malaki ang nagastos s'ympre, but all for the love of it!

Welcome back, baby!

Speaking of withdrawal, yesterday naman, Angel was crying. She wanted to go with Daddy, but he refused. So umiyak, feeling iniwan. Whenever she feels like she is being left out, she'd cry about the ex, wishing that he was with us. Siguro naaalala niya rin 'yung mga times na kino-comfort siya ni ex 'pag umiiyak siya.

She cried and cried, talking how she missed him and can't wait for the day that he'd be with us. I'd naturally told her that it would never happen, but she insisted. Nagsisinungaling daw ako. Nag-promise daw kasi si ex at tutuparin niya 'yun. Sinabi ko na he might've promised it, pero di niya 'yun gagawin talaga. He will come back pero di na namin siya makakasama.

"Saan siya pupunta?" Angel cried.

"Sa kanila ni mama niya," I told her.

Angel continued to cry. There was a point nga na tinitigan niya ko nang masama, feeling that I was lying to her.

"Ba't mo ba sinasabi 'yan? Kapamilya na natin siya, di ba?"

"Dati 'yun, pero hindi na ngayon,"I said.

Umiyak pa rin siya. I felt that she was getting confused with what I was telling her. I sensed na nahihirapan siyang paniwalaan 'yun. Yet in my heart, I can't fully explain it to her. Pa'no ko nga ba sasabihing nasa kandungan na ng iba si ex? At kung magkagan'un man, pa'no ko ipapaliwanag ang koneksyon niyon sa kanya, without completely disclosing what the true nature of my relationship was with the ex? Naku, hindi pa 'ata ako handang magpaliwanag ng mga gan'yang bagay, kahit hindi ko naman nililihim sa kanya ang totoo.

"Mahal ka n'un. Babalik pa 'yun."

"Hindi na niya ako mahal. Hindi na babalik 'yun."

"Hindi totoo 'yan!" she said, almost screaming.

"Itanong mo pa sa kanya."

"Mahal ako nu'n. Siya rin naman ang nagpalaki sa 'kin."

Jusme. At that time hindi ko na alam ang sasabihin sa kanya. Of course, wala siyang kinalaman sa kung anuman ang nangyari sa 'min ni ex, pero kailangan niyang malaman na things wouldn't go back to what they were before. Hindi na titira sa 'min si ex pagbalik niya. I wouldn't even count on us being in the same room together as a family like before.

I hugged her, and asked her to stop crying. Sabi ko magsuklay na siya ng buhok since she just took a bath.

She got up, brushed her hair, and left my room. I think she continued to pour out her feelings to Ginger. Medyo naririnig-rinig ko nang bahagya ang pagbanggit niya sa pangalan ni ex.

After a few minutes, she came back. Kalmado na siya. She came to me and said, "Sige na nga. Di ko na iiyakan si Kuya Biboy. Pero kilitiin mo muna ko!"

Ayun, natigil na siya. May mga times kasi na papasok lang 'yun ng kwarto ko para magpakiliti. Parang pang-relax niya sa buhay.

"Siguro gan'un talaga 'pag nagkaru'n siya ng bagong anak. Makakalimutan na niya ko," pahuling sabi ni Angel bago ko siya kilitiin.

That's it! Natigil na rin ang loka-lokahan moments namin.

Prayers for Family & Friends

Prayer for Inner Healing

Speak clearly, Lord, into my heart.
In the past, I had been busy with life and I forgot what it meant to really life
In the midst of my pains and difficulties, allow me to know You
so that I may understand what living for You is all about.

I am weak, Lord,and helpless without you.
I surrender to You, Lord, all my fears, all my burdens.
I will focus on Your truth that you will be with me always.
I will never understand Your wars
but I know that You have a purpose for me.

Lord, as I continue this prayer, gently touch me with your healing hands.
You are the Divine Healer and the greatest Physician of all.
I believe in my heart that nothing is impossible to You.
Heal my most innermost being, my spirit, and my soul.

I know, Lord, that there is an end to my loneliness and sickness
because You died on the cross and rose from the dead.
From now on I just want to live with a loving heart
and not with grumbling heart,
from now on, Lord, I just want to live with a faithful heart
and not with a fearful heart.
In the mighty name of Jesus,
Amen.


***

Prayer in Time of Depression

Dear Lord, You are the one who created me
and You are the one who has provided for my salvation and for my spiritual growth.
I firmly believe that You are the great God who loves me very much
and that You know where I am going and what is good for me.
I humbly beseech You now, dear Lord, because I am confused,
struggling with hurting pain.
I am afraid and discouraged.
I feel lost and very depressed.
Let me feel Your loving care and compassion.
Let me feel Your sense of purpose and understand what You have planned for me
in this crisis that I am now undergoing.

Lord, You are my refuge, my hope, and my stronghold
in this very difficult time of my life.
I lean on and confidently put my trust in You.
For I know that You will not forsake me.
I pray that You will let time heal this wound
and I will become a better person because of Your work in me in this crisis.
Amen.


***

Prayer for Those Who Suffer

For those who suffer,
and those who cry this night,
give them repose, Lord;
a pause in their burdens.
Let there be minutes
where they experience peace,
not of man but of angels.
Love them, Lord, when others cannot.
Hold them, Lord, when we fail with human arms.
Hear their prayers and give them the ability to hear you back
in whatever language they best understand.
Amen.


***

Prayers for Protection

For Oneself

Lord God, Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
I come before You in the name of the Lord Jesus.
I ask that I may have the powerful protection that comes from
the Precious Blood of Your Son
that was poured out for me on the cross at Calvary.
In the name of your Son, the Lord Jesus,
I ask that you send angels to protect and defend me
from any attack of the enemy
and to defend all the members of my family, my friends, and my loved ones.
Protect and bless everyone who has asked me to pray for them.
Give me the grace to hear Your voice
and the courage to walk in Your ways.
I ask this in the name of the Jesus Christ,
who will come again in the fullness of His glory.
To Him be glory and praise,
now and forever.
Amen.


For Another

Father in heaven,
I lift up (Name) to you in the name of Your Son the Lord Jesus.
In Jesus' name I ask You to release warrior angles
to drive away from him/her/them any evil spirits that may be harassing,
controlling, attacking, or deceiving him/her/them.

Let you servant (Name) enjoy the powerful protection
that comes from the Precious Blood of Your Son, Jesus Christ,
which was shed for him/her/them on Calvary.
Let him/her/them hear Your voice
and always walk in Your ways.
Amen.


***

Prayer for Serenity

God grant me serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know difference.

Living one day at a time
enjoying one moment at a time,
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace!

Taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.

Trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will,
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.


***

Prayer for Strength

Lord, enlighten what is dark in me;
strengthen what is weak in me;
mend what is broken in me;
bind what is bruised in me;
heal what is sick in me;
straighten whatever is crooked
and revive whenever peace and love have dies in me.
Amen.

Mother, Where's My Big Book of Penis?!

This is such a funny review of the book above. I can't stop laughing while reading it!

"Oh dear. I am a 70 year old woman and I just happened across this big penis book in my son's room. My son is 45 years old and still single. I think he might be gay. That said, his big penis book is now in my room under my bed. So now my 45 year old single son is probably gay and angry. Well, he should get a job anyway or at least go find some real penis and stop reading about them in books like this. Good Lord this is a big penis book. And I love a big penis. And so does my son, apparently. I give this book ten thumbs up. I can't believe I never knew he was gay. He should get a job. Maybe as a dancer. Anyway, if you like a big penis, you will like this big penis book. Lord there are big penis's in this book. I mean big. Oh dear."

P.S. I don't own the book personally, thank you very much! :p

Bold But Not Daring

Speaking of crossing over, Dinig Sana Kita is one indie film that has crossed-over the mainstream cinema in terms of how its storytelling goes.

As far as mainstream Pinoy cinema is concern, there is nothing commercial about the two leads: a rocker chick and a deaf dancer dude. Kapag pinitch sila sa mga major studios, di sila bebenta for such characters are from the other end of the spectrum. Kokonti ang makaka-relate, ang sasabihin sa 'yo ng mga bosses. 'Pag nagkaganu'n, potential flop na siya kaagad.

Buti na lang at may Cinemalaya who saw the potential in these characters. Di man sila commercial, for sure, mamahalin naman sila ng audience sila.

Just knowing how different the leads are, makakaisip ka na ng maraming scenarios para sa kanila. How would a rocker chick, who is so exposed to the noise, deal with a deaf dude and a dancer at that? Could music be enough to bond them together, even if one can hear and the other can't? How can they communicate with each other when one blocks herself through noise while the other lives in silence? If ever they surpass the physical barriers, how will they work with the scrutinizing eyes of the society?

There are so many possibilities on how the story could go with such distinct characters. However, instead of going boldly, Dinig Sana Kita preferred to go the conventional way-- a typical family drama. Instead of dealing with the characters' physical differences and inner struggles, it went externally -- having an uncommunicative family and the lack thereof.

Nina (Zoe Sandejas) meets Kiko (Romalito Mallari) in Baguio where she is sent off to camp with other hearing and non-hearing teens to bond with them and eventually realize her mistakes in the past and be a changed person with the experience. She is a problem child and her parents can't deal with her anymore. Kiko, on the other hand, is an abandoned child, who reaches out to her. He longs to be with his mother whom he sees everyday in a neighboring house in a community where he moved. Friendship blossoms between them as they realized that there are more common things between them than there are differences.

I didn't like how the movie resolved the physical differences between the two leads. One would expect that Nina will learn sign language to communicate well with Kiko, but she didn't. She became deaf herself because of how she badly she exposed her ears to noise. It was only then that her father had stopped yelling at her and learned to listen to her needs. I don't get why the filmmakers had to resort to such extreme to get their point across when there are alternatives to it. Ayokong isipin na ang statement lang nila about it is take care of one's ears.

As far as Kiko is concerned, whom I believe is a much interesting character, he is reunited with his mother in the end, whom he learns was a dancer in her younger years, as well. No drama. No explanations about the past. Parang enough na pinagbuklod sila ng dancing.

While there is magic written all over the film, it was lackluster. The direction it wanted to take was clear, a romantic drama meant for kiligs. No pretentions na magpaka-deep o tunay na buksan ang mga mata ng audience sa plight ng mga kapatid nating hindi nakakarinig. Having a handicap myself, I could relate. But what about the rest of the audience? Yes, it is just right to treat them as equals, but we can't deny that they have special needs to be attended to. 'Yun ang dapat iparating sa audience. That we are alike and different at the same time. Pero 'yun nga. It seems that the movie has no desire to delve into it.

Nakakahinayang nga lang because there was so much going for it storywise. Instead of taking the high road, it took the common route. It could've been a great romantic drama if it was daring enough to go to uncharted territories. However, it sure is refreshing to watch different set of characters falling in love on film! Hindi lang ang major studios ang nakakagawa ng leads whom we can relate to and fall in love with.

Crossing Over

Francis Cruz, a film critic, in his tribute post to Alexis Tioseco, mentioned how Alexis had once teased him about crossing over to the other side -- i.e. filmmaking. He continued that once a critic had crossed-over, he may never be objective anymore in his film analysis. He would developed sympathy to the filmmakers for he would know the painstaking ways on how to create a film. Of course, that would be bad. Critics should always be objective, and should never be inclined to put his biases in his work. Since we are human and prone to judgment error, biases do happen at times.

Anyway, I have crossed-over ever since I started my workshop in GMA and moved on to Star Cinema. That was why, if you have noticed, naging madalang 'yung pag-review ko ng Pinoy movies the past few years. Naging malambot na kasi ako sa pagtira, if I may say so.

Una, I didn't want to offend anyone from the workplace. Nag-alala nga ako nu'ng biharin ko ang Moments of Love before my GMA stint and learned that one of our mentors in the workshop was the writer of the film. Ayoko namang mabansagang nagmamarunong. (Sa mga fans pa nga lang, nagkaru'n na ng uproar sa post ko na 'yun! Kaya I felt the need to write another post.) Second, you get to learn how a film was made and gets to know what happened along the way. Minsan kapag nalaman mo kung saan nagkamali ang filmmakers, you tend to be forgiving and understanding. Third, you get to be friends with the people involved in the film. Once it happens, wala nang taluhan kung minsan. Kung hindi mo nagustuhan ang ginawa ng isang kaibigan, quiet ka na lang. O kaya ay 'wag mo na lang isulat.

One reason why I was in limbo the past few months was that, in my mind, I was still trying to understand what he did and why he did it. I was rationalizing for his behaviors, even during through the course of our relationship. Gets ko siya, I'd tell myself. But from an outsider's point of view, they'd tell me na niloko niya ko, and I really had to let go. Sa isip ko pangloloko ngang maituturing ang nangyari, but I still get to justify it. Kasi ito ang need niya. Kasi ito ang dapat niyang punan.

Kakahanap ko ng excuse sa nangyari, I have overlooked what I was doing to myself. Kakabigay ko pala ng dahilan sa kanya, sarili ko lang ang sinaktan ko, ang pinabayaan ko.

Joseph Estrada, in his Probe Profiles interview, was asked by Che-che Lazaro if his wife, Loi, ever gets hurt with his philandering ways. He answered, "Kaya nga ako nag-asawa ng psychologist, eh. Para maintindihan ako." That was me. No doubt about it.

However, no matter what the circumstances are, the end does not justify the means. Sa paggawa ng pelikula o kung ano mang trabaho, it doesn't matter what the makers went through in making it. What matters is the by-product. Pulido ba? Maayos ba? Worthy bang parangalang? Sa pag-critic, one should always bear that in mind. It is the work that matters and not the process. A critic is not interested in the drama behind it (as what Rajo Laurel always say in Project Runway Philippines when contestants start to make excuses for their bad designs).

In relationships ang pangloloko ay pangloloko. Walang dahilan na pwedeng mag-justify sa pananakit ng iba. Whether the other party is to be blame for the decline of the relationship, the moral thing to do is end the relationship immediately.

Just like in Alexis's and his gf's death, the criminals had no excuse to do so, kahit pa sabihing gipit na gipit sila. Kapit sa patalim, 'ika nga. Di pa ba sapat na ninakawan na nila sila? (Although may theory na baka may kinalaman ito sa pagiging kritiko ni Alexis, lalo na sa recent National Artist scandal.)

In life there are things that should always be seen in black and white, no grays in between. 'Pag maganda, maganda! 'Pag pangit, pangit! No excuses. If one can't be objective about it, he should excuse himself then from making judgments.

Goodbye Before Hello

I woke up with the news that film critic Alexis Tioseco died. I was shocked, of course, and had to know what happened to him. According to news report, he and his girl friend were murdered by three gunmen who were robbing their house. The robbers were already inside the house when they arrived. It was an inside job. Their newly-hired house help was with the robbers.

I don't know Alexis personally. Napapanood ko lang siya nu'ng nag-re-review siya ng movies sa Review Night sa Cinema One a few years back. Then I saw him again on cable in ANC's Media In Focus a few weeks ago talking about the recent Cinemalaya festival. Somehow, I feel some sort of affiliation with him since we're both movie critics. (Hindi nga lang ako professional critic like he was.) Kahit hindi kami magkakilala, I feel a connection just because we both love movies. It is the same connection I have with fellow Sharonians or Madonna fans. Kapag nagkakilala kayo, may instant bonding na, 'ika nga. Nasa isang circle kasi kayo. So I can't help feel saddened by the news. (Just like the way I felt when I learned that Wanggo Gallaga, whom I also know through Review Night, is sick. But of course, this case is different.) Hindi ko pa man siya nakikilala nang personal, nawala na siya. I was hoping to meet him pa naman. (O sige na nga! Crush ko siya, kaya ganu'n! Pati si Wanggo! :D)

Murder is not the way to go! Nakakalungkot talaga at nakapanggigigil at the same time! It was a case of coming home at a wrong time. Napaisip nga ako na what if na-delay sila ng kaunti sa pag-uwi. What if they stopped for gas muna? What if they had coffee muna? O nasiraan kaya? Maaga-aga pa rin naman nu'n kung tutuusin. Or hadn't left the house at all?

Bakit ba ganu'n na lang kadali sa iba na kumitil ng buhay ng tao? It is one thing to take their possessions and another to take their lives, as well. Ganu'n na ba kaliit ang halaga ng buhay ng tao?


Photo taken from Reenshi's Flickr account
See his works:
Atioseco's Photostream
CritiCine
Read more write-ups about him by fellow critics:
Noel Vera
Francis Cruz

A Star-Studded Dream

I have forgotten how it started, but what I remembered what that I was on top of Joseph, faking the pleasure I was getting from him. I was holding out for somebody 'ata, and I didn't want him to know that I was doing it with Joseph. Don't ask me to elaborate anymore 'cause it was just a dream! 'Di ko nga alam ba't si Joseph ang nandu'n eh I find him kaderder!

After we're done, he put on his briefs and shirt, and turned on his tsipipay laptop. Then he sat in front of my PC and turned it on, as well. (Kinda reminiscent of what exes did. Haha!) When it was on, he played solitaire -- which was kinda metaphorical with him asking if I enjoyed what we did. I said yes, only that I was having an asthma attack to actually enjoy it fully. So feeling alone siya with the solitaire, ganu'n?

Then I told him to put on his pants when I heard people coming in. He stood up, put on a towel on his waist, and checked who was outside. When he came back, Gerald and Jake was with him, in their backpacks. I remembered that I called for them before the Joseph thingy happened.

I didn't know whether to be embarrassed at that situation or not. But I just played it cool, acting as if nothing happened. I asked Gerald for photocopies of some lesson (or script 'ata 'yun). Then I handed them their previous works. Si Gerald medyo pasaway. Hindi nag-pass ng ilang activities. Si Jake, OC. He had asked me kung ano ang grades niya sa lahat ng activities.

Joseph left. Sabi ko 'wag muna, but he did. Na-OP siguro o na-insecure.

Jake commented, "Bakit kasi hindi maghanap ng ibang trabaho, eh?"

Sabi ko, "'Uy, ex ni Sandara 'yan." In my mind I thought that they knew what had happened between us pero parang OK lang. Still, I was getting embarrassed. Like your parents, you don't want to know that your teachers are doing it!

"Alam ba niya?"

"Malay ko. Hindi na sila, eh."

Then I saw Joseph's laptop in front of me saying, "Babalik 'yan. Naiwan niya laptop, o."

Bago pa man magpatuloy ang kuwento, I woke up at the calling of the garbage collector! Keyniz!

The dream may have come about when I saw my favorite student's drawing of me and his letter yesterday. Na-miss ko siya. Hindi ko na siya mahagilap. Nagtatago sa bundok ng UPLB! Saka na-miss ko rin ang pagtuturo. I wish to teach film once I'm done with my master's program. Sana nga magtuloy-tuloy na ang paggaling ko. Amen!

A Closing. A Beginning.

Call this post "argumentative." I don't care. This is my blog, and I have the right the say what I feel.

Ever since the storm has started, you have asked me several times for my thoughts, yet I couldn't for I was too dumbfounded to realize what was happening back then. I was blindsided. What must one feel when he was struck at the back by the person he trusted the most? What must one say when his world is starting to crumble down even before he comprehends the situation? You, too, would be stupid enough to react. And when I am already at the my proper state of mind to say something, you dissed me off, as if saying what I say doesn't matter. However, it actually doesn't matter anymore. You made your decision, and I just have to live by it. But then, whether it matters or not, I'll still express myself for it'd be the only way I can end this properly. It is the only way that I can say my piece and be at peace with myself. Because that's what matters the most, being at peace with yourself. At peace dahil wala kang tinatapakang ibang tao. At peace dahil wala kang iniwang sugatan. At peace because you have the decency na magpakatao at ituring ang kapwa mo bilang tao.

When you started your so-called confusion, idinamay mo ko. Ginulo mo ang mundo ko. You have left me clueless while you were figuring things out for yourself. (Note of wisdom: When a partner tells you he's confused, trust me, it's the end of the relationship!) Ako naman si tanga na napaniwala mo (as always) na confused ka ngang talaga. You wanted to believe that you were in such a state when from the beginning, you weren't. You just didn't have the balls then to lay your cards down in front of me. You made believe that you still love me o ayaw mo akong saktan. Well, guess what! Ang tunay na nagmamahal ay di nananakit. Kaya nga napapaisip ako if you have truly loved me gayong ilang ulit mo akong sinaktan in the six years we've been together. At kahit noong natapos na tayo ay patuloy ka pa rin sa pananakit. Ang hiniling ko lang noon ay ibigay mo ng isang bagsakan ng matapos na ang paghihirap ko subalit sadista ka. Inunti-unti mo ako hanggang sa wala na akong lakas para lumaban pa sa 'yo. That's why I'd rather not care for you than hate you. Because hating you would be such an effort on my part. I don't have the strength anymore to do so. Pagod na pagod na ko. I'd rather get you completely out of my system than feel something for you.

You said that you never got tired of taking care of me, yet you say that you want someone "independent." Isn't that a contradiction? Were we ever in a parasitic relationship? I thought that we were in a giving-and-taking one, silly me. Pero sino ba sa 'tin ang hindi nakatiis ng walang karelasyon sa malayo? Sino ba sa 'tin ang nakipagrelasyon sa unang taong nagpakita sa kanya ng motibo? At sino sa 'tin ang nagtiis at nagpilit umunawa sa mga pagkakamaling ginawa niya sa isa?

Hindi ba ikaw ang kumapit sa akin? Dahil sa mga panahong sa tingin mo ay walang nagmamahal sa 'yo, ako ang umaalalay sa 'yo. Sa mga panahong walang nagtitiwala sa 'yo, ako ang naniniwala sa 'yo. The truth is, you have held on to me until such a time you can find another one to hold onto.

Hindi ako nanunumbat. I just want to state some points. Para malinaw lahat in case you are still "confused."

A friend asked me why did I stay in the relationship despite your several sexcapades. I told him that I was in love with you. Because that was how I was with you -- I have loved you completely, faults and all. Despite the several times you humiliated me in so many ways, nagtiis ako. Despite the several times you fooled around with someone, I remained faithful and loyal. Understanding every bit of you. In our relationship, you have managed to made me feel me the most loved person in the world, yet made me feel shit at the same time. How cruel can you be? Minaliit mo ako hanggang sa huling pagkakataon. Dahil hanggang sa ating paghihiwalay, you didn't think that I could handle the truth.

Nagmakaawa ka noon na 'wag kitang iwan for I am the only you got, and I stayed with you. Not because naawa ako sa 'yo, but because I have loved you. No one has ever learned your misgivings for I didn't want my friends or family to think less of you. Dinala kong mag-isa ang sakit, believing that we could surpass such trials. But you were too weak even from the beginning to trust our relationship; too fragile to fight the demons inside of you.

You said that you didn't love me anymore. OK, I accept it. That was the last straw for me. It sure hurts like hell, but there was a like a burden lifted off my chest. 'Twas like I was freed from a chain. Sure, para sa akin din ang ginawa mong pakikipaghiwalay. But please, don't ever say that you did it for me. You did it for yourself. Huwag na tayong magplastikan at maglokohan pa. We have passed that stage.

During the course of our relationship, I have lost you several times. Pero hindi ka naman talaga naligaw. Naghahanap ka talaga ng ibang daan. When you left for New Zealand, you knew that you have found your way. And there's no turning back.

You asked me if I want you to be happy. I can't say it then, but I can tell you now. Sure, be happy. Be truly happy for you have found your place.

I, too, have started to dream anew. I, too, have started to become excited for the things to come. I, too, am looking forward to going in a new direction. I, too, don't seem to see a life with you anymore.

Ang mahirap lang ngayon ay kung pa'no ipaliliwanag kay Angel ang di mo pagtupad sa mga pangakong binitiwan mo sa kanya. She'd tell me at times that she's excited for your return; that you'd take us to where you are; that we'd live together. It breaks my heart knowing that I have to break her heart, as well. But I know that she'd get over it, the way I did. Children are more resilient than adults.

Sayang nga lang at you'd never get continue having her as a daughter. You'd never get to know her further. 'Wag mo na sanang paniwalain pa siya/kami na kaya mo siyang panindigan para wala nang masaktan pa. When you have given up on us, inisip mo sanang pati siya ay maaring mawala sa 'yo.

Tulad ng sabi sa kantang "I Will Survive," akala ko ay hindi ko kayang mawala ka. Sa una lang pala 'yun. In the end, I'll have the strength to really let go and move forward. If it means completely cutting you off of my life and everything associated with you, I'd do so just so I could have the peace I rightfully deserve.

Yes, six years was a long time para basta-basta na lang talikuran ang lahat. Pero kung nakaya mong ibasura ang matagal na panahon na 'yun, I should do it, as well. Mahal ko pa rin naman ang sarili ko para patuloy na magpakatanga sa 'yo. The pains I went through with you is too much for one heart to handle. And I don't wanna suffer anymore.

Tulad nga ng status ko sa Facebook, "If love is a decision, so does happiness." I decide to stop loving you so I can be happy.

Goodbye.