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Mga Pusang Gala Review

Another thing that wasn't printed in the magazine was my review for the movie itself, Mga Pusang Gala. I wasn't inform about it so I was surprised not to see it on the magazine. Nanghinayang nga rin Direk Ellen and just asked me to send her a copy. She'd be putting it on the movie web site.

***

Mga Pusang Gala
By Jheck David

More than anything else, Mga Pusang Gala is a story about everything human! It tackles the issue of relationships and the struggles within to find fulfillment that one longs to have. Because it is theatrical in nature, it seemed to flow poetically. Each move, each line, and each detail follows a rhythm and style.

Mga Pusang Gala has heartfelt and gripping emotions that transcend to the screen onto the audience. Because the characters were realistically portrayed, one can’t help but relate to them in one way or the other. One will also smile and react because of the crisp dialogues and the situations that seem too familiar to ignore. The way the story was presented maybe an exaggeration but it never fails to speak to us as if reminding us that we all have been there.

What was best about the film was that it leaves no room for moral judgment. The characters were painted in all its vivid colors. Take them as they are. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, it’s up to you. But one could never doubt how complicated (or uncomplicated) relationships could be. There are no easy ways through it and out of it.

Written by Jun Lana and Rody Vera under the direction of Ellen Ongkeko-Marfil, Mga Pusang Gala follows a parallel story between two single and aging gay man and a woman who yearn for a full-time commitment from the men in their lives. It is led by Ricky Davao and Irma Adlawan.

Ellen said that this is her statement on the bold genre. Funny, though, that I never saw this as a “bold” film if it relates to the occasional sex scenes in the movie. Sex is nothing but a part of what being human is all about. But if bold meant that it dares to tackle the inner feelings and digs deeper into the psyche of a person in love (and not in love) without pretensions, then, it is bold!

If I would sum the film up in a few words, I’d say, “Kuwento ito ng mga totoong tao sa totoong buhay!”

Si Ellen At Ang Mga Pusang Gala

I finally got a copy of ICON. I bought one for myself and another for Biboy. I was supposed to have a complimentary copy courtesy of ICON itself but I have to get it in Makati. I don't feel like going there yet. But I'd want to get it. Maybe once I get my fee in the office which is in Makati, as well. Yes, you read it right! Angelo told me that I'd be receiving a writer's fee. They are just fixing things up. Magkano kaya 'yun? Hmmm...

Fortunately, most of the writing I did re Direk Ellen was intact. Some words or phrases were changed but they were just a few. It was such an overwhelming feeling seeing my name and work printed in a magazine! Feeling Carrie (of SATC) tuloy ako! Hehehe...

Anyway, here's the article that I originally wrote. If you want to see the changes, get hold of the magazine! :p

Si Ellen at ang Mga Pusang Gala
By Jheck David

“Love is genderless! So is sex,” were Ellen Ongkeko-Marfil’s powerful words when I met with her for a coffee and a little chat somewhere in Tomas Morato. This is her statement when it comes to making movies that seem to be breaking the standards of Philippine cinema. For one thing, her latest project called Mga Pusang Gala is a story of parallel lives between a woman and a gay man: both single, aging, and longing for a commitment from the men they love. Second, this is her take on the bold genre which usually is men’s territory. “Most of the time, the women became objects in the movie and it’s the men enjoying the sex. I want to show that women enjoy sex as healthy as men do,” she says.

Direk Ellen had her humble beginnings in theater since college from the time she entered show business via PETA (Philippine Educational Theater Association). From then on, she had worked for Star Cinema as supervising producer and most recently, was the program manager for GMA Television Network’s News and Public Affairs division handling several shows like I-Witness and Debate among others. From time to time, she was given directorial projects for several shows like Maaalala Mo Kaya, Pira-Pirasong Pangarap, and GMA Telesine which fortunately received awards and recognitions from both local and international television award-giving bodies. Her last television effort called Walang Bakas for GMA 7 in 2004 was awarded Best Drama by the Catholic Mass Media Awards (CMMA) and was a runner-up in the Asian Television Awards. Perhaps, this directing ingenuity came from the fact that she was trained under the helms of film auteur such as Lino Brocka, Ishmael Bernal, Mike de Leon, Joel Lamangan, and the likes.

Despite her success, she had an on and off romance with directing. She would give it up whenever a different project would come along. But after her first venture into her own movie directing, she knew that the love affair was here to stay. She made her mark via the critically-acclaimed digital movie called Angels under Star Cinema. Even though the film failed to be received nationwide because of limited distribution, Direk Ellen saw the possibilities in digital technology. Thus, she founded Erasto Productions. “My vision is to go ahead with alternative film making,” she explains. “I want to learn digital technology and push it mainstream. I want to go against to what is the kalakaran: not be dependent on the stars.” For her, the story should always be the first priority followed by good actors. Aside from that, having her own company would mean that she get to own her work.

So, in cooperation with Atty. Joji Antonio of MLR Films, she produced and directed its initial offering, Mga Pusang Gala. “This is my offering to so-called dying industry. I refuse to say that it’s dying,” she relates. However, she adds, “Maganda rin ang merong death. Pag me dying, may growth.”

Mga Pusang Gala is an adaptation of the Palanca award-winning play entitled Mga Estranghero at ang Gabi. The screenplay was written by the playwright himself, Jun Lana, along with Rody Vera.

While venturing on the project in another film company, Direk Ellen was initially asked to tone down the gay character and focus the story more on the woman. She refused to do it. She felt that “magkapatid kasi ang issue ng gays at women. There are differences but then they are also very close.” She further elaborates, “My statement always will be love is genderless. I respect women, men and gays. I believe that this is just the body. It is the souls that love each other.”

With that, she also tried to break stereotypes with her characters. “Dati, couturier si Boyet. But we made him a romance novelist. Also, Jun initially thinks that with Marta’s relationship, sex is enough. I disagreed because a woman always looks for the emotional commitment.”

Mga Pusang Gala served as the opening film for the recently concluded Pink Festival. It has deservedly garnered numerous praises from critics and ordinary audience alike. However, Direk Ellen may have tried her darned best to uplift the social concept of her characters but there are still who thinks otherwise. “I don’t expect to please everybody,” she says. Besides, for her, what is at fault is the whole social conditioning. “You might think that my characters are laughable and stupid. They’re crazy and love addicts. But women were raised with a fairy tale: waiting for a man to kiss her so she’ll wake up. They were taught to believe that the biggest event in their lives is getting married. So how could you be otherwise? How could you not be a love addict waiting for somebody to marry you? It was an imposition, actually. Her being so-called crazy was an expression. And an exaggeration at that! But believe me, there are women like that.” In addition, she explains, “Where do the gays come in? Gays were supposed to be liberated kasi they go against the society, di ba? But in trying to be women, they embrace the whole concept and serve the men even better than a woman.” Not that she agrees with gays being subservient to men. “Dapat kasi stronger ka ‘cause by virtue of being gay, nag-be-break ka na ng social norms. Unfortunately, that’s not exactly true.”

Direk Ellen has high hopes for this film which earliest title was Libog at Kabilugan ng Buwan. “I really feel that my movie will appeal easily. It may be quite intellectual in some aspects but I have so many themes that are so-ordinary life. It is basically about human relationships that even the most intelligent people could relate to because, one way or the other, they had become crazy when they fell in love!” Because her production outfit does not have much means and machinery to promote the film, they are relying on the word-of-mouth. And, I could say that she indeed had chosen the best mouths to spread the word: that of the gays. “Sabi nga sa akin, pag nakuha ko ang pulso ng mga bading, tiyak na dadalhin nila ang mga kaibigan nilang babae para panoorin ang pelikula!” That is not to say, though, that she is using the gay community for her own benefits. In fact, she feels fortunate to have them as friends and colleagues in the business describing them as her angels in life. “I’m even closer to them than with my women or male friends,” she proudly admits.

When asked for a message to the gay and lesbian community who seemed to be benefiting well to her latest venture, she ends, “I hope that this film empowers gays and lesbians even more!”

I know that it will, Direk!

Till now, I'm feeling ecstatic about the whole thing. I told my barkada to grab a copy and support me with my very first printed article (and hopefully not the last)! I'm also thinking whether I should tell dad, Ginger and my other friends about it. Mahirap malagay sa alanganin, e. I don't want this to be the start of something I would worry about for a long time. If you know what I mean. I've so many things to think about and I don't wanna create another trouble.

Anyway, while I was rejoicing about the article, I can't help but feel conscious that my picture was the only one left out in the Contributors page. I wonder why. Is it because the picture I've sent wasn't so glamorous? Or it si because they ran out of space and decided not to put mine? Should I feel offended about it or just let it pass? Oh well...

ICON Out

The fourth issue of ICON is finally out! Ergo, my article's out already! Yehey! I haven't seen it, though, because I didn't have the chance to go out of the house these last three days. Angelo just informed me through e-mail.

Just tonight, I received an SMS and a call from Direk Ellen thanking me for the "wonderful" article. I haven't told her yet about the magazine because I wanted to read the article first. Baka kasi may nabago. But then, she loved it! She told me that I have written all the important details of our conversation that other writers missed. Hay, kakataba ng puso! She asked me whether I'd be writing continously for the magazine but I said that I don't know. "You should continue writing," she said. Naks! Sarap naman pakinggan! I asked her to write Angelo na lang and tell him how "wonderful" I am. Hehehe. She would daw.

Anyway, I'll get a copy tomorrow. Excited na ko! Although hanggang ngayon, di ko pa rin alam kung may bayad ako run. If I were young, the payment's not gonna be a problem. Before, ang nasa isip ko, di baleng mababa sahod as long as you enjoy and love what you do. But the situation's different now. I am not just living for myself. I have Angel to look after. I have to earn and save for her future.

Kalat! Sabog!

I just got home from the interview. And boy, do I have some not so good news! I feel like that I made a mess out of myself. That I didn't get my point across.

Sarah, the one I spoke to on the phone, interviewed me along with a Korean woman whom I suppose is the owner of the place. It was after I took the 45-question test on the computer. It was easy. Simple grammar, vocabulary, and comprehension. I think that I did well on that. What troubling me was how I conducted myself during the interview. I feel like that I didn't get to answer the interviewers' questions very well.

One question that I think I made a mess out of was how would I encourage Koreans to study English in the Philippines whose English is only a second language? It was asked by the Korean woman whose name didn't register on my mind. I answered that Filipinos, most of the times, speak "perfect" English than those in the US. "Perfect English? Filipinos?" wondered the Korean. And then I mumbled words even I can't understand. I lost it!

I have used the wrong word for it. It should've been "better" instead of "perfect". Why do I say so? When it comes to teaching the English language, count on the Filipinos to do so because we know the rules of grammar. Unlike the Americans who tend to slack off on their grammar because it is their first language. They don't care whether they have spoken proper English as long as people get to understand. It is like the way Pinoys use the Tagalog language. Ask Pinoys on when to use "daw" and "raw" and I'm sure, they wouldn't know the difference.

That should've been the "perfect" answer to that question! And my oh my! I only said half of it!

I hate it that the synapses on my brain don't get to fire up in a spontaneous manner. It's only after I made the mistake that I get to realize what I have said wrong. Of course, it'd be too late to change anything.

The Korean woman also asked me how would I adjust myself to teaching adults like businessmen when I only handled children and teens. Silly me! I said that it wouldn't be a problem because I have mingled with adults, too, like my co-workers. I should've said that it really wouldn't be a problem because I have handled adults. Back in Fatima, professionals like dentists, medical technologists, even businessmen became my students! Why oh why didn't I think of saying that?!?!?!?

Luckily, Biboy was there to meet me in Megamall after the interview. I needed someone to be there with me. I was feeling so low.

One of the most used comfort words he said was that in case they won't accept, "it's their loss!" Such good words, right? But those words could only be powerful if they get to suffer because they didn't hire you. Their world would still revolve even without you, right? In relationships, you'd only get to know that not having you is somebody's loss when he comes running to you and say that his life is no better with you!

Sarah told me that she'd just call me to inform me about the result. I'm not hoping much for it anymore. I feel like I sold myself short. Maybe I'm better off as a writer...

Note: The movie poster is entitled "Please Teach Me English"...

Bad Education

Pedro Almodovar's films are almost always character-driven. His characters are always going through some inner struggles. In the end, redemption is always the key to self-actualization.

La Mala Educacion (Bad Education) is no different. It is about Angel (Gael Garcia Bernal) who suddenly showed up in Enrique Goded's (Fele Martinez) doorsteps. He claimed that he is Enrique's long-time buddy, Ignacio. He wants to be a movie actor because he learned that Enrique has been directing films. He brought with him a story that he wrote that talks about his childhood with Enrique followed by a fictionalized future. Enrique, despite his feelings of uneasiness towards the present Ignacio, adapted the story into film and made Angel his leading actor.

Bad Education comes in two parts. The first part was the romance that happened between Ignacio and Enrique. That being said, homophobes should stay away from this film because of the somewhat graphic sex scenes between the two lead actors. The second part is Almodovar's homage to Hitchcock movies: a thriller. A mystery lies with the present-day Ignacio that would change everything for him and Enrique.

Did the two parts make a good combination? As a whole, the film worked. The suspense was quite gripping in the middle. You couldn't help but feel interested with the mystery that was unfolding right before your eyes. But when all the secrets were revealed, they don't seem to get hold of you anymore. Even as a love story, it doesn't quite hold up. There wasn't much depth in story with what Ignacio and Enrique had felt for each other. In the end, you'd end up wanting for more. But then, you get to take a film as a whole and not by its parts, right?

Almodovar had good actors led by Gael Garcia Bernal. Gael seemed to be a director's actor. He is very good in every movie that he makes. This movie wasn't an exception. He even get to play a transexual that made him look like Julia Roberts! They could pass as sisters in a movie, believe me! Just to see him act his best is worth seeing this film!

Amazon describes this movie as Almodovar's best since All About My Mother. I disagree. As of the moment, no other Almodovar movie would come at par with All About My Mother. It has depth, substance, and heartfelt emotions that would make it one of the bests in World Cinema. Bad Education just falls short in comparison with such classic.

Phone Interview

One reason that alleviated my heavy feeling is the anxiety towards my phone job interview. I sent my resume online in MantoManEnglish.com earlier this week and they sent me a message yesterday. The phone interview was scheduled at 4:30 PM today but was moved to 7:30 PM. Instead them calling me, I decided that I should call them so the situation will be handled in my pace. As usual, bouts of self-pity resurfaced again. I've already rejected two interviews that were also of the same job. The first one was because it was in Parañaque. It is in the far south and I live in the far north. Time and commuting expenses would be my biggest obstacle. The second one was because I feared the so-called "stages" of interview. I don't have any idea about it but somehow, it didn't sound good to me. So I thought to myself, no guts, no glory!

The interview went fine, so I hope. Sarah, the interviewer, just asked me some stuffs about myself. I can't help but feel insecure, though, because I didn't have the American accent that they prefer interviewees have. After about 7 minutes or so of conversation, she asked me to come by their office on Tuesday at 4 PM.

One question that stucked in my head the most is this: "Is there a difference in teaching kids and college students?"

"Yes, there is a big difference," I said. "With children, when given assignments, they would do their best. If they weren't to, usually they didn't get to understand the lesson. But with college students, they won't do it just because they don't feel like to. It is sometimes easy dealing with kids than adults. The level of hard-headedness in adults is difficult to tolerate."

"So you mean that you'd rather teach children than adults?"

"Not exactly. It's easy dealing with kids, yes. But with adults, you get to converse with them easily with things that kids don't normally understand," I answered.

It'd would be really be hard to choose between the two. With kids, you get to be appreciated easily. It is such an amazing feeling that you get to mold these students into better people. It is a difficult task but challenging. With adults (or college studes), you get to be friends with them. You get to speak to them with adult-ish topics. Not only that, stimulating conversation is possible with them than with kids.

I hope that I get to have this job. I don't wanna get my hopes up because the last time I did, I didn't get the job. But this is the closest thing to going to Korea! I get to teach their people the English language! Aside from that, if I choose the 5am-2pm schedule, I... Oh, I'll stop here. I don't wanna think about it anymore. It's better not to jinx anything...

Cry Me A River/So-Called Friends

Forgive me for not posting anything light lately. These past few months were quite tough on me. Remember when I said that I would just bawl out like crazy anytime soon? Well, it happened. I saw this film called When I Turned Nine earlier. This film was really a tearjerker! Anyway, I'd expected to cry because I wanted to. I've been feeling kinda low and I wanted some release. Only that after the movie, I couldn't stopped crying. It was not that long but I did cry buckets. I'm not sure if that was all already or there's more to come.

I've so many thoughts lately. For the past few nights, I've been dreaming about my friends back when we were in school. Because part of my worries were them. For one thing, I'm really bothered with how my close friend who's in US reacted to my favor. If I am in her position, I'd gladly do a favor for her. That's what friends are for, right? I don't wanna think about it but could it be that having a life in US changed her? Does the scent of success somewhat turn her into an airhead? I refuse to think so but what else could it be? Till now, I haven't spoken to her. Neither does she update me re the arrival my stuffs.

Another thing, remember my close friend who's working in Indonesia? The one who came home and left again without telling me? Well, three days after I learned his visit, his wife contacted me and told me that her husband is about to leave. If I want to, I may call him at home. That hurt me the most. All the while, I thought that he left already. I never imagined that he was still here and didn't even bother to send me even just a message! From Sunday to Wednesday, couldn't we have get together for a while? Or at least have a conversation on the phone? Because of that, I didn't bother saying goodbye, as well. I hope he gets my point. If he (and his wife) doesn't, then let it be! Does the scent of success give you partial amnesia?

Then, this former student of mine who was so sweet to me before because he was asking to give him a break with his attendance. He was trying out his luck in being the ultimate winner in Star Circle Quest Batch 2. During the contest, he was kind enough to update me with what's happening. Before the semester ended, he gave a yellow polo as a thank you gift. But when he became part of the Fab 5, communication stopped. His replies to my messages went from seldom to never. Does the scent of success make one incommunicado? Sus, may pasulat-sulat ka pa dati!

People who rarely communicate with friends almost always tell you that they were just busy as an excuse. For me, it is bullshit! For people who really want to keep in touch with friends, nothing is impossible! With new technologies today, a simple "Hi" would reach someone immediately. Would texting "Hi" used an hour or so of someone's time? Besides, how busy is busy? Would being so busy mean that one can't even sleep or eat anymore because of work? Or at least get some rest for a while? "I'm busy" is such a crap!

My best friend, Than-than, has been wanting to come here for two days now but I keep on telling him that I wasn't home. I don't feel like having some company around, except for Biboy, in case he drops by.

That's it for now. My head aches because of the crying I did...

When I Turned Nine

When I Turned Nine is a story about a nine-year old boy, Yeo-min Baek, who is in the third grade. At such a young age, he feels responsible for his family and friends' well-being without them telling him so.

During the summer, he sells ice-cream to earn some cash and save up. He wants to buy a special something for the person he cares the most. Because he knows that selling ice-cream won't be enough, he starts cleaning houses and runs errands for other people.

When school started, he became the designated protector of his friends from bullies. Upon Woo-rim Jang's arrival in school, another so-called trouble started to unfold. He became attracted to her much so to the disliking of his long-time girl friend. She feels that Woo-rim isn't what she seems to be. From that day on, Yeo-min tried to balance his relationship between his long-time friends and Woo-rim.

Before anything else, let me tell that, in recent years, there wasn't any movie like this that made me sob like a baby! It is a tearjerker all the way! Although it wasn't the kind that is quite heavy. There may be a lot of strong emotional scenes, this movie may still be considered as light. It is melodramatic without being cheesy.

When I Turned Nine isn't like any other movie. For one thing, the story revolves around children. And they weren't goofing around as most children movies have. They were acting in an environment as if they were adults. The closest comparable movie that I have in mind is My Girl. But then, with regards to the depth and substance of this, My Girl would fall flat.

Nine is about familial love, puppy love, and friendships. It tackles love at a tender age, jealousy, naivete, honesty, sadness, responsibility, generosity, and sincerity. It is such amazing to see how children act in their world. For them, everything is black and white. Either you do it or you don't. Complicated isn't in their vocabulary. If only adults could remain as pure and innocent as them, then the world would be a better place to live in.

What's bothering, however, is how Korean teachers treat their students. I can't imagine myself hurting my students physically the way they do. Korean teachers still treat themselves as superior and a cut above the rest.

Besides that, Nine is perfect in every way! Great casting led by Suk Kim. At such a young age, he can act with intense passion and pure concentration. The dialogues may be pretty much adult-ish but it may be only because of the translations made. It is well-paced and well-characterized.

When I Turned Nine, a novel-turned-movie, is wonderful!

Verdict: Four and a half rolls of tissue!!!

In the Realm of the Senses (Japan 1976)

Speaking of In the Realm of the Senses, a film that I saw a year or two ago, here it is:

Oshima's most debated work in a career marked by controversy, "In the Realm of the Senses" is an unrelenting journey into the world of passion and eroticism. Oblivious to social restraints and public sentiment, a geisha and her lover engage in a torrid sexual spree, losing themselves in the fervor of their lovemaking and their quest for ultimate ecstasy. The ideology of male dominance and female submission is thoroughly undermined as the obsessed lovers create a closed existence of incessant lovemaking and sadomasochistic experiments. This is an eerily beautiful examination of the intensity of physical desire.

That's about summarizes what this movie is all about. If Romance somewhat borders on pornography, this one had already crossed the boundaries! But who's to rightfully judge what is porn and what is art? There is such a thin line separating them.

Dictionary.com defines pornography as "sexually explicit pictures, writing, or other material whose primary purpose is to cause sexual arousal." Meanwhile, one definition of art is a "human effort to imitate, supplement, alter, or counteract the work of nature." If that would be case, wouldn't pornography be considered art in a way because it just tries to imitate realism? What separates them, though, is the intention of its maker. If it is just to elicit sexual arousal, then it is porn! But again, who could say that that was the intention of its maker? Only the maker himself, right? So it is up to the audience to decide whether to treat such work as art or porn. It's gonna be subjective, then? Yes, because art is mostly (or always) subjective. There is no single point of view surrounding it. Anyway, let's not go debating over it. I'm simply trying to make a point re the film.

This is one of those films that truly shocked me and left me at a loss for words. The other one being Salo: 120 Days of Sodom. Oh, I'm no prude! Yes, I've seen countless number of porn movies. But you wouldn't expect such graphic material in legitimate films, right? No wonder it became controversial in the year it was released! These days, directors tend to get more daring by showing bodily fluids, imagine that! In the years to come, what will we see next?

Whether or not you find this movie good or bad, it all depends on whether it has achieved it goals or not. For people who haven't experienced the same sexual passion as the two characters have, then they may dismiss this as trash. But for people who have, then they would know what it is like to be in that same nirvana.

Sex would really make one go crazy! I guess, that is why we were reminded a number of times (by the church, etc.) that sex is mainly used for procreation. Because once it takes hold of you, you'd find it difficult to go back to your senses. So be wary! Be careful...

Note: If you think that I'd wrote a review for " Salo" next just because I mentioned it, no siree! I loathe that film! I could never imagine seeing that film again. There's only so much that I could take!

Romance (France 1999)

Catherine Breillat is a French woman director whose focus on films are that of female sexuality. Her attacks are shocking and rather disturbing to say the least. She has no qualms about nudity on film. When I say nudity, I mean no holds barred nudity! Her sexual acts seem to be the real thing, as well, and not just simulation. That being said, her films may somewhat border on pornograhy. What set them apart is the story she injected behind it.

Romance is about a sexually-deprived woman, Marie. Her boyfriend hasn't been touching her for quite a while. She loves him so much that she only wants him to touch her. But then, her boyfriend seems to be keen on keeping up his "no-sex" rule. He isn't able to keep up with her sexual appetite.

So, Marie decided to get what she wanted from other men without the knowledge of her boyfriend. From those trysts and sexcapades, she discovered a part of her that brought more life to her voracious appetite for sex.

Catherine Breillat should be commended for doing movies that usually are of men's genre: sex. She tells her story like it is on women's point of view. Moreso, with a more daring and bolder take. However, when one starts to take side, one loses the focus on the other and alienates him. In this case, Marie was the focus and all the men around her were mere players to her desires. This may be a good movie for woman kind but men may find it a bore. It wouldn't even be much of a study for men since there was little to study to begin with: Marie's sexual desires.

What may also be a problem here is the fact that Marie might be bordering on being a nymphomaniac. She likes having sex just for the sake of having it and not exactly getting pleasure from it. In that case, some women might not be able to relate on her.

Re the sex scenes, yes, they are daring and bold. There are lots of frontal nudity and close-up shots. But they are neither engaging nor erotic. It doesn't have the passion and depth of Oshima's In the Realm of the Senses. Some scenes are even too graphically detailed which makes them quite uninteresting. Not to mention that the movie failed to give meaning to them.

Do I recommend the film? If you're a fan of Catherine Breillat, it won't hurt you to see this one. If you want to witness the cinematic style (should I say genuis?) of Ms. Breillat and have no access to her other films than this one (like myself), go ahead with this one. Just don't expect magic and brillance. I'm sure that she did better works than this one.

Note: The poster above is the original artwork of the movie. So does the title.

::: Breillat's Filmography :::

Children Will Listen

Last Thursday, on Desperate Housewives, Lynette broke down. She hasn't been sleeping well. Her body system was trashed when she took her children's ADD pills. Another mother from her children's school adviced her to do so to be able to cope with the demands of being a wife and a mother. But then, she had enough. She was very tired yet she couldn't sleep. One time, when her kids were noisily playing in the house, she sat for awhile not knowing she dozed-off. She dreamt of killing herself with the gun that Mary Alice gave her. That was the time she realized that she really had enough! She gave her kids for a while to Susan and took off.

Anxious about their friend's condition, Susan and Bree went after her. When asked about what's bothering her, Lynette just cried. She feels inadequate as a wife and a mother. She thinks that she is a failure. She could not control her kids and she feels that she isn't giving them enough.

Susan and Bree related their experiences to her. They told her that it was just normal to feel those things. But it doesn't mean that she is a bad mother. Every mother goes through a situation wherein she wants to give up her children. There were times that one would feel so full of the things around her and may want to just surrender.

"Why didn't you tell me those before?" Lynette asked.

"Because no one wants other people to know that they can't handle things," Bree answered. "No one wants people to know that they need help."

"Well, we should talk about these things," Lynette said while crying her eyes out. She finally had the release she needed all along.

***

How do you say to your child in the night
Nothing is all black but then nothing is all white?
How do you say it will all be alright
When you know that it mightn’t be true?
What do you do?

Sometimes, I do get to ask the same question to myself. Am I being a good parent to Angel? Am I giving her all the love and attention that she needs to grow up as a good child? Would all my faults turn against me once she grows old? Would I be able to give her the good future she truly deserves?

Careful the things you say,
Children will listen.
Careful the things you do,
Children will see.
And learn.
Children may not obey,
But children will listen.
Children will look to you
For which way to turn,
To learn what to be.
Careful before you say,
Listen to me.
Children will listen.

If one would really think about it, being a parent is the hardest job in the world! One little screw up could turn into a disaster in the child's future. A simple drink of aspirin while pregnant could mean physical defects. A simple anger experienced may mean temper for the child. A simple blurted curse word could be the child's first uttered word.

Careful the wish you make,
Wishes are children.
Careful the path they take,
Wishes come true,
Not free.
Careful the spell you cast,
Not just on children.
Sometimes the spell may last
Past what you can see
And turn against you...

When I was in high school, I told my friends that there should be a seminar for would-be parents. All the basics and the Psychology of rearing a child should be taught there. It should be intensive and not just a week or two event. If one would fail the seminar, then they wouldn't be allow to bear any children. Unless they'd take the seminar again and pass it.

Careful the tale you tell.
That is the spell.
Children will listen...

Was it an absurb thought? It may not be in the best interest of the people taking the seminar but it is in the best interest of the children that are about to be born! Having children may be someone's right and privilege but it is also a huge responsibility that entails enough attention and carefulness! It may sound unfair to say this but really, whatever children become as they grow up depends on how they were raised by their parents!

How can you say to a child who’s in flight,
Don’t slip away and I won’t hold so tight?
What can you say that no matter how slight won’t be misunderstood?
What do you leave to your child when you’re dead
Only what ever you put in it’s head
Things that your mother and father had said
Which were left to them too.
Careful what you say, children will listen
Careful you do it too, children will see and learn.
Oh!

Guide them but step away,
Children will glisten.
Temper with what is true
And children will turn,
If just to be free.
Careful before you say,
Listen to me.
Children will listen...
Children will listen!
Children, children will listen.

More Upset

I wrote an e-mail to my best friends Elma and Than-than re the topic below. The more I read the e-mail (or the post), the more I feel upset. It's been a while since I haven't cried hard due to the circumstances in my life. I know that anytime now, I'd just break down and sob really hard. Bigat ng dibdib ko, e. I really need a good cry so I'd feel well again. I have to take this out of my system so could function well and see things clearly.

Back in college, when I feel blue, I just listened to Sarah McLachlan's Mirrorball CD. Then, I'd just cry like a baby. One of the songs that still breaks my heart is this one:

Do What You Have To Do
Sarah McLachlan

What ravages of spirit
Conjured this temptuous rage
Created you a monster
Broken by the rules of love
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do ...
And I have the sense to recognize that
I don’t know how to let you go
Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
I’m ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
But I have the sense to recognize
That I don’t know how
To let you go
I don’t know how
To let you go
A glowing ember
Burning hot
Burning slow
Deep within I’m shaken by the violence
Of existing for only you
I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
And I have sense to recognize but
I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go.

:: All the while, I thought that the said song was the theme song of Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 3. It was Full of Grace pala. But if you listen to the lyrics, this song is really appropriate for the time when Angel became a monster. ::

And this one became a personal anthem:

That I Would Be Good
Alanis Morissette

That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be good fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great i if was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
whether with or without you.

I'm thankful that I have stayed good despite all the troubles that I went through...

Upset

I shed tears while I was in church today. I sincerely asked God to help us with the turmoil that I feel are coming to us. I know that we need not fear the future because He will surely take care of it. But I just couldn't help but feel concern about it. It's mid-2005 and me and my family need to find ways to survive the year and the coming years. What stressed me out, though, was when dad told me that mom is starting express her anxiety about what's coming ahead.

With that, I felt upset during the rest of the day. Further, a close friend of mine who is in Indonesia working came home recently and didn't tell me. His wife apologized that they weren't able to contact me. She only did so when I sent her a message asking when her husband would be coming home. I have wondered, if I didn't ask, would I receive any apologies? Did they ever think of meeting me while he was here and just forgot about it? Or they really have forgotten me?

I thought that was the end of it. I received an e-mail from another close friend of mine saying that I should have told her about my plans before going through it. She added that they were having problems lately. Okay, I understand it. However, it was the way she said it. As if my request was really too much of a burden for them. Considering that this was the second time that I've asked a favor from them. Aside from that, couldn't she understand that they are my only means to get those stuffs? If I have other ways, I wouldn't bother asking them for help. But what are friends for, right?

Don't worry, this is the last time I would ask something from you. And as what I told you, I'd pay for any excess baggage on your part because of my stuffs. If you are having problems because of the taxes you need to pay, then put yourself in our shoes! You have the money, we don't!

Mmm-bap!

:Yay!:
I finally had a taste of the Korean dish called Bibimbap! Biboy and I ate at K.I.M.C.H.I., SM Megamall food court. Bibimbap is what I used to see Korean actors eat in movies, aside from Kimbap. It tastes good! It is a mixture of beef and vegetable combined with rice, sauce, and fried egg. One whole meal, I should say. I searched the net for its recipe and there seems to be quite a variation with the vegetable. It's up to one's taste on what vegetable he prefers to add. What we had earlier had bean sprouts (togue), onion, and cabbages. I'd try to make it some time. I'd also do Kimbap only that I wouldn't know where to buy the bamboo mat for it. Anyway, I'll ask around.

:Yes!:
My loan application in AIG was granted and I pick-up the check earlier. I'd be paying my other credit cards so that I'd just be paying AIG. Then, we'll buy some new parts for my computer. It has been giving up since time immemorial! I realized that it has been seven years old now and I couldn't blame it if it crashes down every now and then. Besides, I'm really getting pissed off with its mood swings! So I'd better give it its much needed rest! :-p

:Whoa!:
Saw Fantastic Four today! My oh my! That damn Chris Evans was so freaking hot!!! Literally and metaphorically speaking!

So You Think Life is Unfair?

Imagine this: receiving PhP80,000 as a bonus from your company's anniversary! That's apart from your mid-year bonus and the 13th-14th month pay! Whatta life, right? Well, it isn't you! It isn't us! But some lucky people who are working for the company who makes and manages all the money in the Philippines!!!!

Don't you just want to kill yourself?

Aired Today

Aired Today: The "C" Show
I was never a fan of underwear fashion shows here in the Philippines. I mean, do people really wanted to see the latest styles in underwear or the stars/models wearing them? Do people sigh the oohs and the aahs because they witnessed the new colors and designs of the underwear or because of the bulges and boobs being displayed on stage. Bench started it all (as far as I know) and Carter underwear followed. Dubbed as The "C" Show, Carter boasted Paolo Bediones as their main endorser. Frankly, I believe that he was the one they are selling mostly than their underwears. Unlike Bench, they don't have much variety to speak of. They're plain and boring! So does Paolo! Gay and boring, I should say! (Oops, did I say that out loud?!)

I wonder, though, are we the only country who does underwear only fashion shows? Does Milan do it, as well? Of course, Victoria's Secret is a different thing. But does this events showcase how Filipinos can still be reserved when it comes to their sexual freedom? That they'd rather be a mere peeping-tom than be an active participant?

***
Aired Today: Tom Cruise on Oprah
This is the infamous Tom Cruise interview where he stood on Oprah's couch to express his feelings for Katie Holmes. Katie Holmes?! My gawd! Couldn't you go any lower than her?!

I admit that I am a huge Tom Cruise fan! I've loved him eversince Top Gun! Maybe because I was getting older, I somehow outgrew him. I still admire him, though. Of course, no more drooling every time I see him on screen. But eversince this TomKat brouhaha, I'm losing respect for him. I could stomach him dating Katie but all these PDA's just make me sick! All these kilig expressions he has been showing. Oh, c'mon! You're not in your teens anymore! Yeah yeah yeah! I got it. You're in love! (So as you say!) You're happy! (So as you say!) But act your age! I don't know about the other fans, but he is embarrasing me!

I just couldn't put my foot on it but I feel that there is something fishy about TomKat. Imagine, after a few months (or was it just weeks?) of dating and they're getting married already?! Could it be mid-life crisis, as Jen had suggested? Probably! But I feel that there's something more. Could it be publicity stunt since they both had summer movies? Maybe. But why choose Katie for a publicity gimmick? Why not a bigger star like Angelina Jolie (Oh, yeah, Brad got her already! Brad, isa ka pa! Grrr!) or Jennifer Connelly? I think there's something bigger than that. Could it be true that Tom and Rob Thomas was caught in bed? Hmmm.... Sounds... naughty! But there was a story behind it, really! Is it true or not? Well, no one could say.

Here's the story...

Apparently, Rob's wife caught the two in bed. Threaten to expose them in public, the Scientology group steps in and did some damage-control. Marisol, Rob's wife, was paid a hefty amount of money to shut her mouth while Katie was asked to pretend as Tom's gf. Aside from the august payment she is getting, she was also told to imagine how this so-called relationship would do to her so-called career. However, Marisol is still threatening to expose them now that all eyes were set on TomKat and she is annoyed about it. (Read it all here.)

Could it be true? I dunno. Do I care? I dunno. I just hope that TomKat would stop their lovey-dovey antics in public! Are they that publicity-hungry?

BUT if you asked me if I care that Rob is gay (or bisexual), well, that's a different story altogether! *wink wink*

***
Aired Today: The Congress Listening to the Wiretapped Conversation
The Congress had proven that it wasn't just PGMA who had spoken to some Comelec officials. There were also other officials who are part of the opposition. So if the CD includes conversations between the Comelec and the opposition, we couldn't blame the wiretapping now to the opposition themselves. As days go by, pagulo lang nang pagulo ang kwentong ito!

I have several thoughts, however. PGMA, in her apology speech, said that it was a lapse in judgment when she called Garci during the votes-counting. I'd say that it wasn't. It was stupidity! How could she have made the calls herself? Couldn't she asked a "trusted" official/friend to do the dirty work? Or she already thought that she was doing something not right and didn't want to involve anybody else? Or was she that super perfectionist who'd want to make sure for herself that things would be done? Hah! Perfectionist, pala, ah!

During these times, I'm feeling ambivalence towards both groups: the administration and the opposition. I don't feel like taking sides. All I feel is if the opposition wanted to oust PGMA, who would they elect? Susan Roces? Sino ba ang nakapaligid sa kanya? Same people who were with Estrada, right? So bubuti ba ang kalagayan ng Pilipinas sa kanya?

Another People Power won't solve anything! My gawd! We are becoming a laughing stock of other nations because every time we want to change the government, we ought for People Power. Nawalan na ng saysay ang tunay na kabuluhan ng People Power!

When We Danced

Biboy went here today. It's been two weeks that we haven't been together like this. I mean, yes, we do meet in a mall for a movie but of course, we couldn't cuddle like we always do in our house. We miss being with each other that close.

An hour before he left the house, he asked to hear the song Just You & I by Crsytal Gayle and Eddie Rabbit. He told me that it would be our theme song on that special day of ours. However, as I was searching through the songs in my list, we encountered the song I Know by Yasmien Kurdi. "May kanta na pala si Yasmien," he commented. I said that it was the song used in the Korean series Sweet 18 here. I played it and was glad that I did because it has been weeks that I wanted him to hear it.

I Know
Yasmien Kurdi

I don't need to own a fancy car
To drive with you around the city
I don't need to live in a palace-like house
A simple home is enough for me.

I don't need much
Only your attention
A hand to hold
To make me feel that I am not alone.

I know
With you my life is worth living
I know
With you my life is gonna be just fine
I know
With you each day begins with a smile.

I don't really have to worry
If some things won't work out for me
I don't really have to bother
Just as long as you're here with me.

I don't need much
Only your affection
To see me through
To make me feel that I am not alone.

I know
Together we can make our dreams come true
I know
That through the years we won't be growing old
I know
Counting stars won't be so hard to do.

There will be our lowest times
But at the end of the tunnel shines
Our love for each other never fails
Baby, I just know.
I know
I know
I know...

I don't need much
Only your affection
To see me through
To make me feel that I am not alone.

While the song was playing, he stood up, held my hand and danced with me. Right until the next song played.

Just You and I
Eddie Rabbit and Crystal Gayle

Just you and I,
Sharing our love together.
And I know in time,
We'll build the dreams we treasure.
We'll be all right, just you and I.

Just you and I
Just you and I
Sharing our love together
And I know in time,
And I know in time,
We'll build the dreams we treasure.

We'll be all right,
Just you and I.

Chorus:
And I remember our first embrace,
That smile that was on your face,
The promises that we made.
And now, your love is my reward,
And I love you even more,
Than I ever did before.

Just you and I
Just you and I
We can entrust each other,
With you in my life,
With you in my life,
They'll never be another.

We'll be all right,
Just you and I.

Repeat Chorus

We made it you and I.

In the middle of the dance/song, he suddenly cried. He said, "'Wag mo kong iiwan, ha?" When I was about to answer, I wasn't able to help myself. My tears flowed, as well. "S'yempre naman," I answered.

After the song and the tears, we just embraced each other tightly...