More Upset

I wrote an e-mail to my best friends Elma and Than-than re the topic below. The more I read the e-mail (or the post), the more I feel upset. It's been a while since I haven't cried hard due to the circumstances in my life. I know that anytime now, I'd just break down and sob really hard. Bigat ng dibdib ko, e. I really need a good cry so I'd feel well again. I have to take this out of my system so could function well and see things clearly.

Back in college, when I feel blue, I just listened to Sarah McLachlan's Mirrorball CD. Then, I'd just cry like a baby. One of the songs that still breaks my heart is this one:

Do What You Have To Do
Sarah McLachlan

What ravages of spirit
Conjured this temptuous rage
Created you a monster
Broken by the rules of love
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do ...
And I have the sense to recognize that
I don’t know how to let you go
Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
I’m ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
But I have the sense to recognize
That I don’t know how
To let you go
I don’t know how
To let you go
A glowing ember
Burning hot
Burning slow
Deep within I’m shaken by the violence
Of existing for only you
I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
And I have sense to recognize but
I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go.

:: All the while, I thought that the said song was the theme song of Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 3. It was Full of Grace pala. But if you listen to the lyrics, this song is really appropriate for the time when Angel became a monster. ::

And this one became a personal anthem:

That I Would Be Good
Alanis Morissette

That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be good fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great i if was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
whether with or without you.

I'm thankful that I have stayed good despite all the troubles that I went through...