Conglomeration of Smilies

I have a job. Yehey! I should be rejoicing, right? Actually, I don't remember if I did rejoice about it. I know that I did feel glad when I was offered the job. It was a case of "ask and you shall receive" kind of thing. When the opportunity came, I immediately grabbed it without really thinking the things that would be asked from me. The cards were laid on the table yet I didn't go through each and every of them. I was looking after the fact that it would give me the future that I was hoping to have. What I overlooked is the hardships that it would entail to reach that aspiration.

Don't get me wrong. I am not someone who would just give up because of the difficulties of the job. But my dilemma now is that I don't have a clue re my job. It isn't my forte. I know that I said that I was told about the job description before accepting it. I was even given a few days to think about it. However, the problem was that I didn't think of it thoroughly. I became blinded with what's ahead and not with what's in front of me.

Self-fulfilling Prophecy
Biboy had already warned me about the job. Back then, I didn't understand why he was rejecting the idea of me accepting the job. Then, dad said "Try mo muna ng one week. Baka di mo magustuhan." That shocked me even further! How could he say such a thing? How could Biboy react that way? Was there a sign on my forehead that said "Danger ahead"?

What to Do?
I don't know. I'm filled with confusion at the moment. This week has started on the wrong foot. First, I was awaken by my best friend's message saying that his father has passed away. Second, I was so disappointed that we couldn't even be with him in this time of turmoil because his father's dying wish is to be buried in Pangasinan where he has spent his last days. Pangasinan isn't unreachable but it is just too far. It makes me terribly sad that I couldn't be with Than-than these days.

Third, I came to realize that I don't know what I was doing in my job. I don't want to disappoint my employer because he has put all his trust on me. He has high expectations of me. He even said "Excited na ko sa maaari mong gawin!" I'm afraid that I won't be able to live up to his standards because I don't understand what I was doing. Not to mention that I don't want to disappoint myself.

I have also other worries. For one thing, I am alone with the job. No help whatsoever. I have to decide on my own and come up with the best possible plans that would fulfill my employer's vision. Sure, he gives some output once in a while or pitch in some ideas. But the fact remains that it's gonna be all on me and he himself doesn't have much idea on what to do. That's why he hired me for the job - not exactly for my knowlegde but for the passion he sees in me! But the passion is slowly dying down everyday. It isn't giving me enough strenght to hold on and continue with what I'm supposed to. Every waking day is becoming a struggle.

What have I put myself into? Moreso, the pay isn't that encouraging enough...

When Fate Play Its Dirty Tricks
As if all the confusion was enough to keep me stranded, there goes another situation. Biboy lost his *new* celfone! Someone stole it from him on the bus! OMG! A new and expensive fone given as a gift to him by his father! Just last Saturday, the rift between them have seemed to smoothened out. All is well, ika nga. But how could have this happened?! Nananadya ba talaga ang pagkakataon?

He's definitely gonna receive some blows from him and his mother since this isn't the first time he lost a fone. He was already marked for life by the incident before and now, he'd just gonna prove them right. Aside from that, it was an expensive fone!

Biboy initially wanted us to replace the fone. I know how scared he must be feeling. But what will it do? We don't have that kind of money to buy such fone. Using a credit card would just drown us more in debts since we have been paying more debts as it is today. He said that he would pay it using his salary. How? He won't be making enough money to survive his everyday expenses and the would-be payment.

Bakit Ganito?
He's been feeling down about his job. He wants to quit.

I am having doubts about my job. I feel like like quitting before it's too late.

What should we do? Why is this happening to us? Could someone please give me answers?

I'm Not Usually This Vocal But...

Representatives from Prudential Life Plans have been calling me for 3-4 months now. They have told me to pick up the "free" insurance plan that they would give me in their office. Because I don't usually go (and don't feel like going) to Makati, I wasn't able to drop by their office. Until a few days ago, a representative told me that the insurance plan was in Ortigas already. Feeling quite bad about not getting it-- you know, I felt that I should at least be grateful that I'd be given an insurance plan for free, I decided to go and get it.

When I entered their office, there were lots of people "claiming" their "free" insurance plan. There were also noises coming from the other rooms where people were talking. Because of that, I felt anxious about the whole thing. Did I make the right choice? A guy (whom I forgot the name) came to me and said that he would be assisting me. Assist me with what?! Can I just get the insurance and leave?

So I was taken in a room where three other groups were talking. From the moment I sat on the chair, the guy began explaining about their saving/pension plan. Uh-oh, I told myself! I think I knew what was about to happen. He talked about savings, death, emergency, and the works! The usual speech of someone selling an "insurance". I listened to him attentively yet not really absorbing what he is saying. At the back of my mind, I felt that I was about to get duped.

After all the talk, he mentioned about my credit card being the one responsible for the payment of my so-called savings. That was the time when I knew that I had to speak up. He asked me for my credit card but I refused. I asked him, "So it would mean that I have to pay for this savings along with my purchases? E de lalaki ang gastusin ko niyan imbes na makatipid?" Of course, he then proceeded with his recorded speech.

"Sir, savings nga po ito. At least may makukuha kayo 'pag nangailangan kayo..." His words are to that effect.

"Oo nga. Still, kailangan ko ring bayaran yan. Sa'n naman ako kukuha ng pambayad niyan? Poproblemahin ko pa yan!"

"Pwede n'yo naman po i-terminate. Saka kung ano lang ang kaya ng budget nyo."

"Ayoko pa rin..."

"Try lang po natin. Tutal for approval pa lang ito. At least na-try n'yo. Ngayon lang po namin ito ino-offer..."

"E kapag na-approve, ano na gagawin ko?"

"E sir..."

This time, I felt that I need to stand my ground. "Look, I appreciate and understand your explanation. The thing is, wala akong ipambabayad diyan. Wala nga akong trabaho, e. Iintindihin ko muna 'yung gastos ko sa ngayon kaysa sa susunod pa."

He again talked about having financial problems in the future. I know that my reasoning about not thinking about the future is wrong but hey, I have to get my point across to this man! So I further added, "Ganito kasi 'yun. I went here cuz you have been calling me several times. I felt that I should be at least be grateful to what you're giving me. But I was told that it was free..."

"Free nga po itong insurance. Pero kasama po kasi sa package 'yung savings plan..."

"E de ganun din? Hindi pa rin free! Isa pa, you're telling me that you are offering this today." Actually, may sinabi pa siyang 1 minute lang ang ibibigay sa 'kin. After that, the offer is no longer available, parang ganun. "You are not giving me enough time to think. You are putting me on the spot. At hindi tama 'yun! To add to that, you're pressuring me..."

"Sir, kailangan po kasi ng pressure dahil nagyon lang 'to..."

"'Yun nga 'yung ayoko, e! I don't want to be pressured with these kind of stuffs!"

Medyo natahimik na siya. "Okay, sir. Pirmahan n'yo na lang po itong free insurance plan."

"And then what?"

"Wala po. Free 'yan. No obligations."

So I did. Afterwards, I fill out the raffle coupon. Then I left...

Before I left, though, I heard the agent saying to his co-agents, "Di ako nagwagi." Pasensya ka! Ako napunta sa 'yo, e!

I don't usually talk like that to "strangers". But I felt that I was deceived and I didn't like it. Ako pa ang lolokohin nila? I know how their speech works! I was trained in a computer-selling company for a week after I graduate. I was also deceived then. I thought that I was getting a job, 'yun pala pagbebentahin ako along with some other duped people. (Ang siste, they would tell that if you buy the computer on that day, free printer will be given! Only for that day kasi last day. So the customers are forced to make a decision. When in reality, you are paying for the printer, as well! Kasama sa presyo 'yun! Because I don't like pressuring people to buy stuffs from me, I left the so-called job as soon as the training was over.) Aside from that, I know how the pressure tactics work! I won't be put in agreeing with a situation that I would regret afterwards! I'm not that stupid!

Here my other thoughts re what happened. How could I buy from an agent who is younger than me? How could he made me believe that he was already saving for his future? Yeah, right! Aside from that, how could I be convinced by someone who spells "transfer" as "transper" and "lump sum" as "lumsum"?!

If the insurance was really "free" from anything, why couldn't they send it at home directly? At least, they wouldn't be hassled to call us every now and then. Palibhasa may hidden agenda! They want to bring people in their territory and pressure them from giving what they want!

Isa pa, how would I know the offer was legit? May magagawa pa ba ako kung hindi?!

The moment I felt anxious, I thought of "Family First" immediately! My advice, never ever receive free movie tickets from "Family First" representatives! Because once you do, they'd ask you for your name and number. They'd call you and ask you to come to their office. Before you know it, sinisipsip na ng mga linta ang dugo mo!

Credit card companies should be reported to the proper authorities! They shouldn't be giving names and contact numbers of their account holders. This is definitely an act of violation! Savings nga pero talong-talo ka naman sa interest na babayaran mo! Iisahan n'yo pa kami! Utot nyo!

There is nothing wrong about insurance plans as long as you get them from legitimate sources or referrals from people you know. Maybe PLP is legit but the way they do their business is wrong!

Lastly, I guess, there is really no such thing as "free" in this world!

Surprise, Suprise? Not!

Mark Feehily of Westlife finally came out of the closet and admitted that he is gay! He has this to say:

I want people to know the truth. I am gay and I'm very proud of who I am. I'm not asking for sympathy, or to be a role model for someone else. I simply felt it was the right time to tell the truth. In the past I haven't felt the need to say anything about my sexuality. But I want people to know I'm very comfortable with who I am. I'm not worried about how people react because I'm happy being who I am. I'm still the same person the day I was before. I'm sure Westlife fans will be pleased I'm happy. I don't think it changes anything. All the lads in Westlife have settled down and are in relationships, so why can't I be?

Good for him! After all, it is quite obvious. (Is it or it is just me who noticed?) I knew it all along. I have sensed him a mile away the way I did with Stephen Gately of Boyzone. The difference, though, is that I had a crush on Stephen and I loathe Mark! What is so obviouse about Mark's gayness? Oh, c'mon! Whose self-respecting straight man would have Mariah Carey's poster mounted on the wall of his room? Unless it shows a naked Mariah in it with all her two tons of breats in full glory! Aside from that, does a straight man singer belts out a tune everytime ala Mariah?!

I can relate, though, to why decided to come out. He is in love (with another member of a boy band just like Stephen)! Who wouldn't want to express to the world the feeling you have for your special someone? Even I decided to tell my close friends about myself when I first had a relationship. (Not the first time I fell in love. That's a different story!)

But let me comment on the words "What A Waste" at the bottom of the front page. I hope that it is referring to another topic and not Mark's sexuality. Because saying that wouldn't be so appropriate at all! I've heard several "homophobes" or "not learned" ones utter the word "sayang" when they learn that a certain guy they know turned out to be gay. How could being gay be "sayang"? Would you be less of a person if you are gay? Would you turn out to be embarrassing to belong to the human race? I don't think so! There are gay people who are better than their straight counterparts! Who would want an egotistic and self-righteous straight man beside them more than a responsible and caring gay guy?

Courtesy & Jealousy

We have met lots of customers. Of all ages and personalities. Of course, there's nothing irritating like a customer who would bombard you with text messages re their orders or your whereabouts during pick-up/delivery. Some people would also act as if you owe them something and want their stuffs be done right at the time they made the order or payment. Of course, no matter what their quirks are, we still try to deal with them pleasantly. But there are times that they go overboard. The times when they be so demanding to the point that they disrespect us. Treating us as if we are their slaves and we are at their beck and call. When that happens, we talk to them about it and not receive any orders from them. No matter how large their bill is. It is not the amount that matters to us. It is the service we provide them and the fact that we are able to work hand in hand. If they start to act like we are their slaves and they are our master, then good bye! So long!

One other type of customers that I find irritating, too, are the ones that treat us like "call boys." These people are the type who are quite embarrassed with their purchase that during deliveries. They tend to pay and leave immediately. No small talks. No smiling. Not even a "Hi". As if saying, "Let's get this over and done with! Pronto! Then I don't ever want to deal with you again." Why? Because mostly, these guys are the closeted ones! Okay. Fine! Stay in the closet! But again, at least be nice to us! We are not your servants!

Speaking of "servants (kuno!)", when I am in a mall and a guard or salesperson greet me, I greet them back. Or I nod my head to acknowledge their greeting. Why? Because it is not just the polite thing to do but the right one! How could you ignore a person who had greeted you? They have made an effort to greet you so would at least smile back at them or acknowledge them as a person?

In line with that is when people hand out your fare to the driver, common courtesy would tell you to at least say "Thank you" to the one who helped you. Is it really such a hard thing to do these days? Sobra na bang bastos ang mga Pinoy sa kapwa Pinoy?!

Anyway, in another story, I met this guy tonight. For "security" (for myself!) reasons, let's just not name him here. Hehehe. We just talk for a few seconds while doing "business" with each other. Biboy was waiting then. When I came back to him, he instantly guessed that I have a crush on the said guy! Of course, I can't deny it. I'm no good in lying. Besides, according to him, it was written all over my face! Like a "schoolgirl" with a crush! May pahimas-himas pa nga raw ako! Which for me wasn't consciously done. I was just making a gesture like a hand shake.

So ayun, he was kinda jealous about him. But I tried to appease him. It was just a crush. Besides, he's "straight". What can I do about that, eh? Still, he was jealous. However, after a while, he said, "Come to think of it, though, he's kinda cute!" From then on, he also developed a crush on him! Pagsaluhan na lang daw namin! Hahaha! :-p

Not a Bogus SMS After All

Two to three days ago, I received an SMS from my friend Ne-an saying that she'd be leaving soon and that she'd already applied for roaming activation of her SIM card. I read it while I wasn't that fully awake yet and took it as a joke. I thought that the punch line was it was her SIM card who'd be roaming around the world. Something like that.

Today, Wheng called to asked me if Ne-an had left the country already. I said no and that the message was a joke. She told me that there wasn't any punch lines in the messages esp. with the last one she received from her. The message said that she's already in the airport. Wheng even called her in the office and was told that Ne-an already resigned. "Mag-aabroad ata," was the reply she got when she asked whether they know why she resigned.

I still couldn't believe it because it was so sudden. I just had spoken to her a week ago re the magazine and she didn't say a word. I told Wheng to call her house and ask. She did and it was confirmed! She left for Germany as a delegate for the coming "World Youth Day" and would go to Italy afterwards. Sa Italy, dun na siya "magtatago".

I feel so bad because amongst my college friends, we three are the only ones that are in constant communication. Nabawasan pa. Not only that, the thought of her going "TNT" is quite bothersome for me. I fear for her life. I know that she's one tough woman but still, I am scared for her. I also feel bad that I didn't respond to her message. If I did so, I would've known that she was truly leaving the country. I could've said good bye and good luck at least.

I know that she has plans of going abroad but I didn't expect that she would leave without a warning or at least good byes. I guess she felt embarrased with what she is about to do. But I'm not ashamed of her. I salute her for her guts and determination to have a better life.

I'm hoping the best for her.

***

Speaking of SMS, I went through Biboy's messages earlier. I don't really do it but I just felt like doing it earlier. There was a message there from so-called Chika Babe. The message says: "Good night. Good luck tomorrow. Sa-rang-he."

As soon as he woke up, I asked him who that was. He told me that it was me. I said that I don't remember texting such message. Then, he search for the number and as it turned out, it was my Chikka account number!
Hahaha! So silly of me! I swear, I don't remember sending that message!

The Invasion of the Foreign Bodies

For someone who is "sobrang malikot" as Angel, it is quite unbelievable that she hasn't been in some sort of a "major" accident like hurting her fingers in an electric fan or something like that. Once, she tried plugging the t.v. onto the socket in the kitchen. Good thing that I was able to stop her because the plug isn't that secure enough. "Wag mo na uulitin yan," I told her. "Makukuryente ka! Alam mo kung ano ang mangyayari pag nakuryente ka? Mamamatay ka!"

Then, when we were back inside the house, Angel said, "Da, di ko na uulitin 'yun, a?"

"Bakit," I asked.

"Kasi mamamatay ako pag inulit ko 'yun. Ayoko pang mamatay," she added.

It's amazing that she already understood the concept of death even at the age of 3. Maybe not its whole definition but at least she gets to understand a little.

Anyway, her not being in a "major" accident is too good to be true. Before 12 AM tonight, Ginger noticed a styrofoam ball inside her nose! It is really small and could fit well inside a nose. It is the one being used in bean bags. Who knows how long it has been there?

Afraid that I might push it further while taking it out, we decided to bring her to the hospital. It was a simple procedure really. It didn't take 5 minutes to take it out. Dad told me that I should have just taken it out myself. It cost him PhP1150.00 as damage kasi. Such a big amount for something so fast and easy. However, it is better to be sure than sorry. I don't wanna take any chances.

As it turned out, the nurses said that she was the sixth child who came in the emergency room with the same situation. "Uso yan," one of the them said. Children seemed to be putting stuff inside their noses lately.

I still hope, though, that no major accident would happen to Angel other than that. I don't think that I would be able to handle if she gets hurt really bad...

Stupid Ka!

The Correspondents featured the topic of "Child Pornography" tonight. What struck me the most was the 9-yr. old girl who took off her clothes while she was being photographed and video taped. It really broke my heart as the bugaw instructs her on what to do. "Put on your panty," she would say. "Take them out slowly." I can't help but imagine Angel in that situation. I would really kill the person who do such thing to her!

"Child Pornorgraphy" and "Pedophilia" are always related. According to the report, it started here in the Philippines during the 80's. Some of Apocalypse Now's film crews who happened to be pedophile's dated children in Laguna and gave their families money. Learning how easy it is to do it here, other foreigners started going here to seduced young boys and girls into having sex with them. Even though the authorities had seized some of those foreigners, till now, the crime is going on.

I remember suddenly this comment that Rosch, Biboy's co-worker, made re Michael Jackson and the kids that he supposedly abused. He said, "Hindi naman totoo 'yun, e! Gusto rin ng mga bata 'yun!" I swear, if he had said that in front of me, I could slap his face! How dare him to say such things! He doesn't know a single thing about children and abuse. Ang tanga-tanga mo! People who are as dumb as you should rot in hell along with the pedophiles! Mas masahol ka pa nga sa mga pedophiles!

Icon, Scanned

The front page and the article itself
Click image for bigger picture

Mga Pusang Gala Review

Another thing that wasn't printed in the magazine was my review for the movie itself, Mga Pusang Gala. I wasn't inform about it so I was surprised not to see it on the magazine. Nanghinayang nga rin Direk Ellen and just asked me to send her a copy. She'd be putting it on the movie web site.

***

Mga Pusang Gala
By Jheck David

More than anything else, Mga Pusang Gala is a story about everything human! It tackles the issue of relationships and the struggles within to find fulfillment that one longs to have. Because it is theatrical in nature, it seemed to flow poetically. Each move, each line, and each detail follows a rhythm and style.

Mga Pusang Gala has heartfelt and gripping emotions that transcend to the screen onto the audience. Because the characters were realistically portrayed, one can’t help but relate to them in one way or the other. One will also smile and react because of the crisp dialogues and the situations that seem too familiar to ignore. The way the story was presented maybe an exaggeration but it never fails to speak to us as if reminding us that we all have been there.

What was best about the film was that it leaves no room for moral judgment. The characters were painted in all its vivid colors. Take them as they are. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, it’s up to you. But one could never doubt how complicated (or uncomplicated) relationships could be. There are no easy ways through it and out of it.

Written by Jun Lana and Rody Vera under the direction of Ellen Ongkeko-Marfil, Mga Pusang Gala follows a parallel story between two single and aging gay man and a woman who yearn for a full-time commitment from the men in their lives. It is led by Ricky Davao and Irma Adlawan.

Ellen said that this is her statement on the bold genre. Funny, though, that I never saw this as a “bold” film if it relates to the occasional sex scenes in the movie. Sex is nothing but a part of what being human is all about. But if bold meant that it dares to tackle the inner feelings and digs deeper into the psyche of a person in love (and not in love) without pretensions, then, it is bold!

If I would sum the film up in a few words, I’d say, “Kuwento ito ng mga totoong tao sa totoong buhay!”

Si Ellen At Ang Mga Pusang Gala

I finally got a copy of ICON. I bought one for myself and another for Biboy. I was supposed to have a complimentary copy courtesy of ICON itself but I have to get it in Makati. I don't feel like going there yet. But I'd want to get it. Maybe once I get my fee in the office which is in Makati, as well. Yes, you read it right! Angelo told me that I'd be receiving a writer's fee. They are just fixing things up. Magkano kaya 'yun? Hmmm...

Fortunately, most of the writing I did re Direk Ellen was intact. Some words or phrases were changed but they were just a few. It was such an overwhelming feeling seeing my name and work printed in a magazine! Feeling Carrie (of SATC) tuloy ako! Hehehe...

Anyway, here's the article that I originally wrote. If you want to see the changes, get hold of the magazine! :p

Si Ellen at ang Mga Pusang Gala
By Jheck David

“Love is genderless! So is sex,” were Ellen Ongkeko-Marfil’s powerful words when I met with her for a coffee and a little chat somewhere in Tomas Morato. This is her statement when it comes to making movies that seem to be breaking the standards of Philippine cinema. For one thing, her latest project called Mga Pusang Gala is a story of parallel lives between a woman and a gay man: both single, aging, and longing for a commitment from the men they love. Second, this is her take on the bold genre which usually is men’s territory. “Most of the time, the women became objects in the movie and it’s the men enjoying the sex. I want to show that women enjoy sex as healthy as men do,” she says.

Direk Ellen had her humble beginnings in theater since college from the time she entered show business via PETA (Philippine Educational Theater Association). From then on, she had worked for Star Cinema as supervising producer and most recently, was the program manager for GMA Television Network’s News and Public Affairs division handling several shows like I-Witness and Debate among others. From time to time, she was given directorial projects for several shows like Maaalala Mo Kaya, Pira-Pirasong Pangarap, and GMA Telesine which fortunately received awards and recognitions from both local and international television award-giving bodies. Her last television effort called Walang Bakas for GMA 7 in 2004 was awarded Best Drama by the Catholic Mass Media Awards (CMMA) and was a runner-up in the Asian Television Awards. Perhaps, this directing ingenuity came from the fact that she was trained under the helms of film auteur such as Lino Brocka, Ishmael Bernal, Mike de Leon, Joel Lamangan, and the likes.

Despite her success, she had an on and off romance with directing. She would give it up whenever a different project would come along. But after her first venture into her own movie directing, she knew that the love affair was here to stay. She made her mark via the critically-acclaimed digital movie called Angels under Star Cinema. Even though the film failed to be received nationwide because of limited distribution, Direk Ellen saw the possibilities in digital technology. Thus, she founded Erasto Productions. “My vision is to go ahead with alternative film making,” she explains. “I want to learn digital technology and push it mainstream. I want to go against to what is the kalakaran: not be dependent on the stars.” For her, the story should always be the first priority followed by good actors. Aside from that, having her own company would mean that she get to own her work.

So, in cooperation with Atty. Joji Antonio of MLR Films, she produced and directed its initial offering, Mga Pusang Gala. “This is my offering to so-called dying industry. I refuse to say that it’s dying,” she relates. However, she adds, “Maganda rin ang merong death. Pag me dying, may growth.”

Mga Pusang Gala is an adaptation of the Palanca award-winning play entitled Mga Estranghero at ang Gabi. The screenplay was written by the playwright himself, Jun Lana, along with Rody Vera.

While venturing on the project in another film company, Direk Ellen was initially asked to tone down the gay character and focus the story more on the woman. She refused to do it. She felt that “magkapatid kasi ang issue ng gays at women. There are differences but then they are also very close.” She further elaborates, “My statement always will be love is genderless. I respect women, men and gays. I believe that this is just the body. It is the souls that love each other.”

With that, she also tried to break stereotypes with her characters. “Dati, couturier si Boyet. But we made him a romance novelist. Also, Jun initially thinks that with Marta’s relationship, sex is enough. I disagreed because a woman always looks for the emotional commitment.”

Mga Pusang Gala served as the opening film for the recently concluded Pink Festival. It has deservedly garnered numerous praises from critics and ordinary audience alike. However, Direk Ellen may have tried her darned best to uplift the social concept of her characters but there are still who thinks otherwise. “I don’t expect to please everybody,” she says. Besides, for her, what is at fault is the whole social conditioning. “You might think that my characters are laughable and stupid. They’re crazy and love addicts. But women were raised with a fairy tale: waiting for a man to kiss her so she’ll wake up. They were taught to believe that the biggest event in their lives is getting married. So how could you be otherwise? How could you not be a love addict waiting for somebody to marry you? It was an imposition, actually. Her being so-called crazy was an expression. And an exaggeration at that! But believe me, there are women like that.” In addition, she explains, “Where do the gays come in? Gays were supposed to be liberated kasi they go against the society, di ba? But in trying to be women, they embrace the whole concept and serve the men even better than a woman.” Not that she agrees with gays being subservient to men. “Dapat kasi stronger ka ‘cause by virtue of being gay, nag-be-break ka na ng social norms. Unfortunately, that’s not exactly true.”

Direk Ellen has high hopes for this film which earliest title was Libog at Kabilugan ng Buwan. “I really feel that my movie will appeal easily. It may be quite intellectual in some aspects but I have so many themes that are so-ordinary life. It is basically about human relationships that even the most intelligent people could relate to because, one way or the other, they had become crazy when they fell in love!” Because her production outfit does not have much means and machinery to promote the film, they are relying on the word-of-mouth. And, I could say that she indeed had chosen the best mouths to spread the word: that of the gays. “Sabi nga sa akin, pag nakuha ko ang pulso ng mga bading, tiyak na dadalhin nila ang mga kaibigan nilang babae para panoorin ang pelikula!” That is not to say, though, that she is using the gay community for her own benefits. In fact, she feels fortunate to have them as friends and colleagues in the business describing them as her angels in life. “I’m even closer to them than with my women or male friends,” she proudly admits.

When asked for a message to the gay and lesbian community who seemed to be benefiting well to her latest venture, she ends, “I hope that this film empowers gays and lesbians even more!”

I know that it will, Direk!

Till now, I'm feeling ecstatic about the whole thing. I told my barkada to grab a copy and support me with my very first printed article (and hopefully not the last)! I'm also thinking whether I should tell dad, Ginger and my other friends about it. Mahirap malagay sa alanganin, e. I don't want this to be the start of something I would worry about for a long time. If you know what I mean. I've so many things to think about and I don't wanna create another trouble.

Anyway, while I was rejoicing about the article, I can't help but feel conscious that my picture was the only one left out in the Contributors page. I wonder why. Is it because the picture I've sent wasn't so glamorous? Or it si because they ran out of space and decided not to put mine? Should I feel offended about it or just let it pass? Oh well...

ICON Out

The fourth issue of ICON is finally out! Ergo, my article's out already! Yehey! I haven't seen it, though, because I didn't have the chance to go out of the house these last three days. Angelo just informed me through e-mail.

Just tonight, I received an SMS and a call from Direk Ellen thanking me for the "wonderful" article. I haven't told her yet about the magazine because I wanted to read the article first. Baka kasi may nabago. But then, she loved it! She told me that I have written all the important details of our conversation that other writers missed. Hay, kakataba ng puso! She asked me whether I'd be writing continously for the magazine but I said that I don't know. "You should continue writing," she said. Naks! Sarap naman pakinggan! I asked her to write Angelo na lang and tell him how "wonderful" I am. Hehehe. She would daw.

Anyway, I'll get a copy tomorrow. Excited na ko! Although hanggang ngayon, di ko pa rin alam kung may bayad ako run. If I were young, the payment's not gonna be a problem. Before, ang nasa isip ko, di baleng mababa sahod as long as you enjoy and love what you do. But the situation's different now. I am not just living for myself. I have Angel to look after. I have to earn and save for her future.

Kalat! Sabog!

I just got home from the interview. And boy, do I have some not so good news! I feel like that I made a mess out of myself. That I didn't get my point across.

Sarah, the one I spoke to on the phone, interviewed me along with a Korean woman whom I suppose is the owner of the place. It was after I took the 45-question test on the computer. It was easy. Simple grammar, vocabulary, and comprehension. I think that I did well on that. What troubling me was how I conducted myself during the interview. I feel like that I didn't get to answer the interviewers' questions very well.

One question that I think I made a mess out of was how would I encourage Koreans to study English in the Philippines whose English is only a second language? It was asked by the Korean woman whose name didn't register on my mind. I answered that Filipinos, most of the times, speak "perfect" English than those in the US. "Perfect English? Filipinos?" wondered the Korean. And then I mumbled words even I can't understand. I lost it!

I have used the wrong word for it. It should've been "better" instead of "perfect". Why do I say so? When it comes to teaching the English language, count on the Filipinos to do so because we know the rules of grammar. Unlike the Americans who tend to slack off on their grammar because it is their first language. They don't care whether they have spoken proper English as long as people get to understand. It is like the way Pinoys use the Tagalog language. Ask Pinoys on when to use "daw" and "raw" and I'm sure, they wouldn't know the difference.

That should've been the "perfect" answer to that question! And my oh my! I only said half of it!

I hate it that the synapses on my brain don't get to fire up in a spontaneous manner. It's only after I made the mistake that I get to realize what I have said wrong. Of course, it'd be too late to change anything.

The Korean woman also asked me how would I adjust myself to teaching adults like businessmen when I only handled children and teens. Silly me! I said that it wouldn't be a problem because I have mingled with adults, too, like my co-workers. I should've said that it really wouldn't be a problem because I have handled adults. Back in Fatima, professionals like dentists, medical technologists, even businessmen became my students! Why oh why didn't I think of saying that?!?!?!?

Luckily, Biboy was there to meet me in Megamall after the interview. I needed someone to be there with me. I was feeling so low.

One of the most used comfort words he said was that in case they won't accept, "it's their loss!" Such good words, right? But those words could only be powerful if they get to suffer because they didn't hire you. Their world would still revolve even without you, right? In relationships, you'd only get to know that not having you is somebody's loss when he comes running to you and say that his life is no better with you!

Sarah told me that she'd just call me to inform me about the result. I'm not hoping much for it anymore. I feel like I sold myself short. Maybe I'm better off as a writer...

Note: The movie poster is entitled "Please Teach Me English"...