Regine "Twenty"

Regine Velasquez
Twenty
Oct. 13-14, 2006, Araneta Coliseum
Raul Mitra / Ronnie Henares

I wish to to say that my first Regine concert was magnificent but I couldn't. Twenty, in my opinion, isn't at all as bad as others had said. (Frankly, though, I haven't read or heard of the bad reviews that came out after the concert.) It was good enough for first-timers like me. However, I felt that there was so much room for improvement. For a 20th anniversary concert, it has be extra special. It has to be different from the rest of her performances. (I am coming from what I've seen so far on TV - may it be concert telecast or SOP performances or TV guestings.) Sad to say, it fell short from my expectations.

I was expecting a great deal from Twenty's repertoire. I was hoping that Regine would sing songs that would range from her early Viva Records days (with songs like "Urong Sulong" and "Kung Maibabalik Ko Lang") to her Vicor Records days (with songs like "Promdi" and "You Were Meant For Me") to her Polycosmic Records days ("You Made Me Stronger"). But instead, audiences received a mix-mash of hits that were already sung from her past concerts like "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing", "On the Wings of Love", "Sana Maulit Muli" among others. Of course, her singing such hits is not wrong. They are very much part of her 20 years in the business but rendering songs that she would often not perform in concerts would be a welcome treat for devoted and casual fans alike. I guess, the fans would also to be blame with the turnout since they applauded more of Regine's tried and tested hits rather than the not-often-perfomed ones.

I felt that what stood out that night was her performance of "Love Me Again" with Gerard Salonga manning the orchestra. It was such a nostalgic event since it was the song that introduced her to Phil. showbiz via Penthouse Live! Then, her "Bakit Ako Mahihiya?" rendition was terribly excellent! Her vocals was full and very much controlled. It was a song she dedicated to her parents. It was one of her contest pieces back when she was trying to make a name for herself. Unfortunately, those two were also the less applauded numbers during the night.

As for Raul Mitra being her musical director, something was off with his piano keys. Somehow, his notes didn't seem to jive with the rest of the orchestra. They would either stood out or sound flat. Plus, the choir and the kid musicians seemed misplaced. The arrangement of the songs where they were in was awfully not fitted for them.

Twenty's opening, though, was superb with Regine singing an original tune describing how her life in singing began. "Naaalala ko pa ang aking istorya mula nang ako'y magsimula. Unang awit na aking namemorya ay turo ni Mang Gerry. Habang nag-gigitara naman si Mommy V. Nais n'yo bang marinig?" (see and hear the clip below) Also, her nostalgia trip to her winning days via "You'll Never Walk Alone" and "And I'm Telling You" was extremely memorable!

To watch the highlights of the event, see Regine Twenty on Oct. 22 at SNBO, GMA-7! Would this mean that there would be no repeat performances?

P.S. Biboy said, "Di ako fan ni Sharon pero mas enjoy ako sa concert niya kaysa rito." Di ako nagsabi nu'n ah! :-)



Video Clips are by Kazumi from You Tube

Of Curses and Hanging Up

This was a phone conversation of a MyDSL customer and a CSR. The complaint started well until curses were said, followed by hysterics, then ended in the hanging up of the phone. Listen to it or download it here. (Links taken here.)

I have encountered a similar situation a few weeks ago with an AIG CSR. There were no curses that transpired in our conversation but there were definitely arguments and hanging up. That CSR named Jo was so rude that I had to report her. Unfortunately, when I have spoken directly to an AIG representative, they couldn't tracked her, so they said. I have tried to dismiss it on my mind since I am not claming no fault on my part. Yet it still irritates me a lot especially when I heard the phone talk above. It was like I've heard myself and that girl named Jo speaking again.

Again, I admit that I have raised my voice in one part of the conversation but still, do call centers train their representatives that way during these times? Whatever happened to "customer is always right" idea? (Yeah, that saying is quite a bull but heck, we, customers, are paying customers who happen to be the reason why they are at work.) Do these CC companies tell their agents to be patient with their consumers no matter what? (Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tao rin lang sila. Marunong masaktan. Marunong lumaban. Etc. Etc.) The thing is, what that certain Catherine above did and the ass named Jo to me was very rude and ill-mannered. I, too, is in the retail business and as much as possible, I deal with customers in the most gracious manner. In case they are difficult to relate to, I'd vent out afterwards with whomever I could vent out with. Not in front of their faces. Dealing with jackasses should be part of their training and they should retain their composure all the time, if necessary.

However, Biboy heard that retaliating to a credit card customer who are way past their deadlines are part of the CSR's traning. Could it really be true? Than-than also encountered rude Citbank CSRs even if he was calmly talking to him. The agents even threatened to sue him and told him how irresponsible he was when his payment just got delayed for a month! Is this the attitude of CSRs today? OR, they only act that way whenever they are talking to Filipino customers? It feels that way. When they speak to foreigners, they are all smiles and decent. Why is that so?

Read this experience below that I got from Doni Santos. It somehow supports my idea that Pinoys are super duper hospitable with foreigners rather than with their fellow Pinoys:

I was in PLDT a few weeks back, and I was talking to this moron of a receptionist who was annoyed at me disrupting her blissful afternoon of trimming her nails.

"Ano'ng kailangan mo, ha?"

I was a customer that she is getting her salary from, and she talks to me like I am a stray cat.

"Ano, ano na ang gusto mo? Busy kami dito." I was aware of that, as I saw the acetone and nail trimmings on her desk.

I looked at her, pretending to be confused. Faking an American accent, I said "Sorry poh, kontilang allam kong Taggallog. Can you help me find this person?"

She immediately got up, and said, "Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, Sir. Please ask our security guard for assistance."

"Oh, great. Sallamaht."

"Thank you for coming over, Sir!"

To embarrass her to pieces, I shouted to her on my way out, "Salamat talaga, ha! Naku, malaking tulong yung tinuro mo sa akin. Buti na lang nandiyan ka. At saka sana mabait ka rin sa mga Pilipino kapag kinakausap ka nila, kasi sa kanila galing ang pinangma-manicure mo."

Take note: the incident above happened at PLDT. The phone conversation happened with a PLDT MyDSL CSR. Is that the way you treat your customers, PLDT? Bastusan na kung bastusan?! Or is it a nationwide phenomenon? Bumababa na ba talaga ang kalidad ng serbisyo nating mga Pinoy sa kapwa natin Pinoy? How sad, if this is the case.

The Itch

I received one of the most exciting messages today. It was from a good friend, Joy, who was reminding me to mark November 25 on my calendar. She and Francis are getting married! Finally(!) was the word that came out of mind. They have been a couple for about 10-12 years now. Every time we see each other, the topic of marriage would often come up. "No plans yet," would be their usual answer.

Of course, we, her friends, wouldn't want to push them into something that they are not ready for. But we don't want their relationship to go waste either. I mean, 10 years plus is a big deal and there are only two things to go from there: get married or break it off. S'ympre naman we don't want the latter to happen. Since most in the group are having their mini-me's, gusto naman naming makita ang sa kanila.

Meanwhile, rewind to a few days ago, my sister told me through SMS that she and her boyfriend are no longer together. Just like Joy and Francis, my sister and her ex had been together for almost 10 years. They were HS sweethearts, so to speak. Just a few months back, my sister was already expressing her desires to get married and have kids of their own. Only that she needs (and promised the family) to finish her medicine courses first before plunging into the married life. Now, a part of her plans has changed differently and unexpectedly. I know that she's going through an uphill battle and all I could do was pray for her well-being. It is sad because I thought that she and her ex were a perfect couple - both did good in school, both into medicine field (her ex is a medical technologist which our mom is), both soft-spoken, etc. However, what transpired recently just goes to show that they are not perfect for each other after all.

That is the kind of news that Biboy are wary of. Whenever he hears couples from long-year relationships break up, it tears his heart. Not just because he feels bad for the couples and the years they spent together but because he gets to think that if it could happen to them, it could happen to us, as well. He'd always have this idea on his mind that if there's a chance of us being together till death, there's also a chance that our relationship could end any time. I guess that you could call it a defense on his part. He gets to think of the worst event that might happen in his life to either pre-empt it or prepare it. I do that some times. But I always have an instinctive feel whenever I know that something is about to end in my life. I haven't felt that in our relationship even if we fight, argue, or threaten a cool-off. Besides, the fear of losing each other is so strong in us that we know that we'd get through the rough times no matter what.

I'm thinking, though, could there really be a what we call 7-year itch? That couples need to pass through to determine whether they would last a lifetime or not? Would years of being together be a guarantee of staying together till the end? Not, right?

I have these students of mine who have been bf-gf for just two months yet they are so sure of each other. They are just 17 and the girl is already thinking of converting to being an Iglesia just so her bf's family would accept and like her. Is it being sweet or just plain stupid? Is it romantic or just being dumb? I'd say foolish but to them it's not. It is something that they are considering just so they could make their relationship work out.

That is what relationships is all about: comprises and sacrifices. Years of togetherness are no guarantee for long-lasting shelf life but as long as you are willing to give in and take in what you could, for sure you'd stay together. It's being selfish by being unselfish. You do the things needed to be done so that you can have what you desire till the end. But once "I" comes in, definitely, the relationship is bound to fail...

You're Gay / If I Were Gay

No introductions needed for these two. Just watch and sing! Cute and funny.

You're Gay
("Bad Day" Parody)
Dick Hunter


Acy, listen to this! This might be your guy's story! Hehehe...

If I Were Gay
(Live from Comedy Central)
Stephen Lynch


Here we are
Dear old friends
You and I drunk again
Laughs have been had
Tears have been shed
Maybe the whisky has gone to my head.

But if I were gay
I would give you my heart
And if I were gay
You'd be my work of art
And if I were gay
We would swim in romance
But I'm not gay
So get your hand out of my pants.

It's not that I dont care
I do
I just dont see myself in you
Another time, another scene
I'd be right behind you
If you know what I mean.

Coz if I were gay
I would give soul
And if I were gay
I would give you my (w)hole... being
And if I were gay
We would tear down the walls
But I'm not gay
So won't you stop cupping my ba... hand.

We've never hugged
We've never kissed
I've never been intimate with your fist
You have opened brand new doors
Get over here and drop ... your ... drawers.
Stephen's cute, isn't he?

The Big Q

Acy and I had an interesting conversation yesterday when she and I met. We were supposed to see Batang Westside at UPFI but ended watching Pulse in SM North Edsa. After the movie, she talked about this sort-of love of her life. Her Billy. Her Iñaki. Her Ben. Her childhood sweetheart. Her soulmate. They have mutual feelings for each other since school days. The only thing that stopped them from being a couple was the fact that one of them (or both) is in a relationship with another whenever they want to pursue their relationship further. Anyway, to cut the long story relationship, she opened the guy's email with his knowledge. There she discovered her Ben was into Noel all along! Of course, shocked ang lola mo! She has gay friends who are into relationships so it isn't new to her anymore. However, this one is different. Very much unexpected. Never did she have any hint or doubt about his friend's sexuality before. Nawindang talaga siya when she knew about it.

She told their barkada about it. One of the questions that popped (since most of them were straight guys) was:

Sino ang babae sa kanila?

I'd often hear that question from straight people when they learned someone they know are into that kind of relationship. I was not asked of it personally. But in case I would be, there's a simple answer to that:

It depends on what type of m2m relationship it is.

If the relationship is consist of an effeminate or transexual (or transvestite) gay and a straight (or masculine) guy (gay), then it is safe to assume that the girly gay would be the "woman" in the relationship. However, if both guys are masculine-looking or non-effeminate, it'd be different. Either one may or may not assume any gender roles.

But should we really need to assume who's-who in a relationship? In this day and age, should we still adhere to gender roles when any of the couple could do acts that were mostly gender-oriented before? I read an interview of Ruby Rodriguez in the latest issue of S Magazine. She said that it is her who mostly do the electrical problems while her husband cooks. In that case, could we say that Ruby is the man and her hubby is the woman? Not, right?

So I guess that there is no need to ask what roles people assume in a relationship. It doesn't matter who wear the pants or the skirt because these days, a man or a woman could wear anything he or she wants. A man could even put on make-up without people calling him a girl.

Speaking of which, guys (whether straight or not so) these days are really into vanity. During my days in school, never have I heard my straight guy classmates asking for powder. You'd never see them put it on public either in case they'd wanted to put some on their faces. But today, it is not a big thing to them. They'd put powder on their faces after class along with the girls. They'd even know how to do it properly!

No wonder that it's difficult to tell these days who's straight and not so straight...

P.S. Mas ikinawindang ni Acy when I told her that I was seeing her guy's picture in IRC chatrooms! Hay! Girl, just remember, you and he are not really meant to be a couple. At least, mas pretty ka pa rin sa jowaer niya! *wink wink*

Horoscope

I was sitting on the throne, opened the latest issue of Star Studio, and viola! My October Horoscope said:

All the money that you're expecting might come knock-knocking on your door this month. It's like getting a bonus - and more. Pero you know, ang luho mo. Sobrang layaw ng lifetsyle mo ngayon. Life is really difficult nowadays. Unless nasa pyradiming business ka, mahirap talaga kumita ng pera. So 'wag naman masyadong ma-layaw ang lifetsyle. Remember, ang laki sa layaw, jeprox.

Hah! As if I need a horoscope to tell me how I handle my finances! Leche! Hehe.

Seriously speaking, the things I only spend for are movies and DVDs. Those are the things I couldn't live without. I'd die without them! Just recently, I went to the Podium sale to get me the SATC last two seasons at Astro Plus. I couldn't resist it. Imagine, SATC 5 went from PhP999 to PhP475 and SATC 6 from PhP3500 to PhP1500! Quite a bargain, right?!

I would really prefer to collect the US Versions since I already started on it with Seasons 2 & 3. I bought them in the now-closed Megamixx store in Megamall a few years back. Then, a few weeks ago, I bought Seasons 1 & 4 from a Pinoy DVD collector. He sold it to me for 600 bucks per season. So could you blame me for jumping on it? (I also got Felicity 1 & 2 from him which I got for 600 bucks per season, as well. I bought it for my sister mostly.) That leaves me with the last two seasons of SATC. Since they're on sale, I took the Region 3 copies of the series. Besides, I totally love that black casing of Season 6! Lovely! (However, I'd still get me the Region 1 copies of 5 and 6 because the R3 copies do not include any special features.)

To add to the gastos, Biboy and I will be seeing Regine's Twenty and Lea's Tomorrow concerts on Oct. 13 and 20, respectively. I know, I know! Sobrang gastos! But then, may magagawa ba ko? Pinagsabay nung dalawa, eh! Hehehe. The truth is, I haven't seen the two live in concert. I decided to see Regine since it's her 20th year anniversary concert. It'd be something (more) special compared to her recent performances. Regarding Lea, I just had to grab the opportunity of watching her in concert! Tagal ko nang gustong gawin 'yun but due to lack of funds before, I couldn't. Now that there's a chance, go kaagad! Thank you, Bi, for the tickets!

O, s'ya, maluho na kung maluho! The thing is, I know my limits. Pag hindi talaga kaya, hindi ko naman pinagpipilitan. I need no horoscope to remind me of my priorities. Hmph! As if naman priority kong kumain kaysa manood ng sine o manood ng concert!

P.S. Matipid na ko ng lagay na 'yan because I'm not into collecting audio CDs anymore. If I'm still into it, baka sobrang payat ko na ngayon!

c",)

Never Gonna Happen

Last Sunday, I saw Y! Speak. Its topic was about relationship's needs and wants. I wasn't able to see the beginning (introduction of guests) so I was surprised to see C & D on it when the guests were all couples. So I asked someone who knows them if they are, indeed, now a couple. Baka kasi nahuhuli na ko sa balita. His reply was, "But he's gay. It's never gonna happen."

Well, I already figured that out a long time ago. It's not that hard to tell. I just thought that, maybe, C is still living in some alternate universe and is still afraid to come out.

Anyway, D clarified in the end that they are not a couple. They are just good friends. She also added that C is "happily taken" already. It is a relationship she wishes to have in the future. Hmmm...

Who are C & D? Tune in to 93.1 and you'll find out! *wink wink*

Yahoo!'s Bullsh*t!

"This Yahoo! Account Has Been Deactivated" was the message I got when I asked for my password a few minutes ago. I couldn't log-in hence the need to do such. Wtf was that?! I got all confused especially that I just checked my messages earlier today and was able to send out messages to e-groups. How could this have happened? When you try searching for an answer on their database, you wouldn't get any!

So I tried searching the net using the words "Yahoo!" and "deactivated". You'd get a lot of pages indicating such words. Apparently, Yahoo! has been doing this act for quite some time now. They could just easily delete your account anytime they want to without any reason at all. Power tripping, I guess. Or just random selection of their database. Unlucky me, I became the target!

A quote from their Terms of Service says, "Yahoo! reserves the right at any time and from time to time to modify or discontinue, temporarily or permanently, the Service (or any part thereof) with or without notice. You agree that Yahoo! shall not be liable to you or to any third party for any modification, suspension or discontinuance of the Service..."

"... You agree that Yahoo! may, under certain circumstances and without prior notice, immediately terminate your Yahoo! account, any associated email address, and access to the Service."

Fuck fuck fuck! It wasn't the e-mail address per se which was my main concern. What I lost were my contacts, my e-groups memberhips, some personal mails in the said address, etc. What pisses me off further is that once you sign-up again using your old ID, it'd be unavailable! Huh?! If it is unavailable, who uses it now? If it's still yours, where is it now? I had it for eight years and it suddenly disappears!

As if I don't have enough worries and this happens! So beware! Don't store anything valuable on your e-mail or use their service such as Flickr or Y! Photos. Once you get deactivated, you could never retreive them all!


Read more about this:
Yahoo Hates You!
Yahoo deactivates acounts without warning

Good Ole Place/Displaced

My first week in college was a tough one for me. After every class, at night, I'd cry myself to sleep. I found it difficult to adjust since I didn't become friends with anyone that easily. I had wish that I was back in high school where everything was all right. Where everything was safe. I had wanted to be with my friends whom I knew would protect me with the difficulties I was facing then. However, I learned to get along with people and started developing a clique. From then on, college became a happy place.

When I started my masteral class in Ateneo (and my first work a few months after), I felt that I was back in my first day of college. Only this time, I was wishing that I was with college buddies. Back to the time when everything felt good. When everything was familiar and safe. Of course, after a while, I have adapted myself with the new life. So the emptiness during the few week faded.

As of today, I'm at a crossroad. My future seemed unclear. My life looked uncertain. Unsafe.

Whenever I am faced with such dilemma, like any other people, I resort to doing what would made me feel safe or good -- whether it'd be a place or food. During the last couple of months, I had this need in me to collect and watch the TV shows I grew up watching. Somehow, these shows make me feel secure even for a just a while. It brings me back to those days when I look for ward to seeing them every week. After I see them, it was a sure thing that they'd give me a pleasant feeling.

It is my coping mechanism when I need to examine my life and think about the path that I have to take. Before I'd go and take some action, I somehow go back to my past. Even though the past wasn't exactly a bed of roses, you know that it was a safe place to go back to because you managed to get past through it.

I don't know why is my life a big bowl of irony these days. I don't understand why I can't pay my obligations now that I have a job, as oppose to when I was a bum. When I was free, at the end of the month, I somehow get enough money to pay my debt and some extra cash for movies and food. It was more than what I am getting now with my job. I don't know why the job that I thought was a blessing turned out to be the lowest-paying salary of my entire career. Now, I have to decide whether to stay or not since the end of the semester is fast-approaching. If I leave, will there be something good coming for me? If I stay, would I get stuck and be in debt for the rest of my life? What I have right at the moment isn't exactly good but it makes me feel a contributing person to the society. Even though my salary isn't qualified enough to pay for taxes -- which could be good or bad, depending on how you look at it.

Soon, I have to choose the road I need to take. Whatever it may be, may God help me...

Am I making something worthwhile
Out of this place
Am I making something worthwhile
Out of this chase
I am displaced
I am displaced.

(From the song "Displaced" by Azure Ray from Felicity soundtrack)

You Are The One

You Are The One
Star Cinema
Cathy Garcia-Molina

Sally Malasmas (Toni Gonzaga) met Will Derby (Sam Milby) at the US Embassy when she tries to apply for a US Visa. Unfortunately, Will, being the vice-consul, turned down her application.

Unexpectedly, Sally and Will met again. Will went to the National Statistics Office to find his birth certificate. He was pointed to the Care Officer which happened to be Sally. When Sally learned about Will, she turned the table around. She made him wait from morning till the time their office closed. Knowing what she has done, her boss (Lito Pimentel) asked her to undo her mistake by doing the best she could to help Will. Unwillingly, she did till they found what they were looking for.

The next day, Sally offered her help to locate the parents of the one in the birth certificate. She had no idea that they would be looking for Will's biologocal parents. She did him the favor so that, in time, he could do the same to her. She wants to go to the US to attend to her ailing mother.

During the course of their trips, they learned more about each other. Unevitably, they fell in love. However, personal issues from both of their families separated them. Time could only tell if they'd be back to each other's arms to create a family of their own.

No doubt about it, as a romantic flick, You Are The One achieves its goal: pakiligilin ang kanyang manonood. It has all the elements of a formulaic love story: dashing guy meets a smart, hardworking girl; a sort-of love-hate relationship between them; a goal that would keep them together for a while; a trip to a certain beautiful location where they would fall in love, and; a conflict that would try to break them apart and test their relationship.

However, behind the romance lies the back of the story of each character. Will was adopted by an American couple. With that, he held a grudge towards his biological parents and had been meaning to get some answers from them. On the other hand, Sally was also resentful of her older sister whom she felt was given much importance than her by their parents. In that aspect, I feel that the film lacked enough characterization to justify what happens towards the end of the film especially with Will's character. It wasn't clearly established in the beginning that Will wasn't capable of expressing his love. It just sorta happens when conflict arises. Or maybe nakulangan lang ako or might've missed it altogether.

Aside from that, some scenes felt too staged for comfort especially the beginning and ending of the film. They lacked realism that we, Pinoys, love. They had Hollywood written all over it.

Acting-wise, Sam Milby was good enough for someone with just two movies to boot. There's a lot of room for development and for sure, he'd do better in his next projects. As for Toni Gonzaga, she has a potential to be a good commediene only that most of the times, she tries too hard esp. with her dramatic scenes. She tends to jerk her head whenever she delivers her lines as if hosting for a variety show. Her tone seemed monotonous, as well, the way she delivers her spiels in PBB before. As a couple, the chemistry wasn't that strong enough. Scene stealers, though, are Eugene Domingo (who seemed to do well whether thrown into comedy or drama) and Gio Alvarez as Sally's gay friend. Gio has his own take on acting gay - soft yet not too flamboyant.

Bitter-Bitteran

"Bitter si Jheck, 'yan ang sabi ni _____," were Halili's text to Acy when she asked her about our director's group message last night. The message had something to do about asking some support from the members re the counteraction that he might do against me and Don's complaint letter. We formally made a letter re our concerns to the GMAAC. It was sent last week and apparently, it was only yesterday that the people involved read it.

For one thing, the most unsettling question we had in mind was that why is there a need to ask for members' support when, clearly, the complaint was against him and us? It was about the script that he so-admittedly rewrote without informing us citing that he was busy. Does he really need them to make a counter letter? Doesn't he have the balls to face us himself? Why does he need back-up?!

According to dictionary.com, bitter means (1) hard to bear, grievous, distressful; (2) causing pain, piercing, stinging. Yes, what he did made us sick to our stomachs. For a while, we tried to take them all in. Thinking that, in time, he'd do what is right for the group and its members. But there's so much that we could take. Not doing something about our situation would disgrace us further. He did an atrocious offense which caused us pain and suffering. For that, he is right to say that I am bitter!

Bitter is (3) characterized by intense antagonism or hostility. When one has been pushed to the mud, kicked and spat on, one has to take an action. We couldn't take it sitting down anymore and pretending that everything was fine. Rewriting the script without our knowledge pushed Don and me to the threshold. It was the very worst thing that he did amongst the other bad things. Being nice didn't do good. If hostility is what it takes to put him in his right place, so be it! Let me be bitter!

Bitter is when something is (4) hard to admit or accept. We enrolled in the workshop with positive outlook. We wanted to learn more about the ropes of the business. We were keen on meeting new people that have the same desires as ours. Sadly, what we didn't expect was that we would be thrown-in into the dirty politics of the business this early. What we learned that most is how cruel the business could be to newbies like us and how it could destroy people's relationships. Now, tell me - is that easy to swallow? Wouldn't you be bitter, too, if that happened to you?

Bitter is when you become (5) resentful or cynical. There are so many things that I'd wish were different. I regretted having him around as a group mate. I guess, if not for that one girl in our group, he wouldn't join us in the first place. So should I say that I wish that we didn't have her, too? I am so-regretting that I didn't step up to him earlier. That I let him manipulated us while the whole production was going on. If I just used my voice, this might have been prevented. But there's no use for wishful thinking now or enumerating the what ifs. What we need to do now is face what would lie ahead. I am hoping that this experience wouldn't leave us jaded and bitter in the end.

If I am bitter, it isn't my fault. This is all your doing! So now, it's time for you to taste it. Who knows, you might like it!

If you notice, I don't dare mention your name here. Just because I'm still decent enough to protect you and whatever dignity you have left in your name.

The War Is On

Just when ceasefire between Lebanon and Israel started, our own war began. Last Sunday, Don & I have reached the highest peak of our disappointment upon learning the most shocking event in the history of our workshop lives -- the script that was asked to be rewritten a week prior to the original date of our shoot was not the one used on the day itself! Our director rewrote the script the way he truly wanted it to be without our knowledge. What's worst is that never did he approach us once during the entire shoot. He didn't apologize or the least inform us that he had to revise the script for so and so reason. He bypassed us as if it wasn't such a big deal.

People who had high concerns for us, of course, felt bad for us. However disappointed, I didn't know how to react properly with such faced situation. I guess, you could say that I felt sorta numb with the entire thing. For one thing, all my defenses were down since I don't have much energy to begin with. I hadn't slept well the night before. All day long, I had this lingering headache that stayed till the shooting ended. Second, there was so much to do that thinking and feeling were out of the question.

"If I were you, I have walked out on it," friends would say. Perhaps that was the best thing to do given that rude behavior that we have received from him. But as I've mentioned, I had a numbing feeling all day long. Besides, walking out would mean having to leave our friends behind during the entire shoot. We couldn't afford to leave Acy, Bibs, and Len because they would have a more difficult time without us. It wasn't the time or the place to think about ourselves. We stayed for our team -- Don, Acy, Bibs, Len, and I, and not for anyone else.

Yesterday, despite the lack of sleep since we arrived at home at around past 1 AM, Monday night, I went to school. I should have rested but I thought that since I will just be giving a quiz, it won't be that hard and tiring. During the quiz, 3 of my students cheated right under my nose! I was seated in front of them. They were doing it as if I wasn't there or as if I didn't notice. After class, I had called their attention to it. I told them, "Di na kayo nahiya sa kin? Nasa harapan n'yo pa man din ako?" I continued, "Sige, kung di kayo nahihiya sa kin, mahiya na lang kayo sa sarili n'yo!" While I was saying those words, I could almost cry. I felt that I was back at the time and place the day before it. The events started to sink in on me now. Our director spat on our faces! We were betrayed! We were stepped on! As if it wasn't enough, we were kicked, as well!

From then on, I decided to do something about it. No more nice guys anymore. We have kept our silence about the issues between us for too long. We can't just sit and wait for him to realize his mistakes.

I have asked Don to write the formal complaint letter addressed to GMA Artist Center while I would do my letter to the director cc to our head facilitator stating our feelings toward the entire production process until the day of the shoot. Prior to that, I have sent our director, cc to our head facilitator, text messages saying that Don & I wouldn't be attending any of the editing sessions. As a decent human being, I felt that informing him is the best thing to do. Besides, I felt that the more we participate, the more he thinks that what he was doing was OK with us. "We don't feel part of this whole endeavor anyway when you blatantly rewrite the whole script under our noses," I said. It wasn't our script anymore. It wasn't our story. What's more was that we requested to not put our names as screen writers on the credits.

Upon learning such, the head facilitator texted me saying, "We'll talk about it later. OK?" But I never received a message or call from him after that. Instead, I got a message from our director a few hours after. "Sorry about that. For awhile there, I just wanted to get done with Kasal kasi mabigat din because of the rift in the group at may ibang projects ako ginagawa. Na bring up ko sa last two meetings regarding the script, di ko lang nasabi din kasi busy din ako." Giving out the I'm-busy-reason was unacceptable to me. Don & I are just a phone call or text away. And since the rest of his group knew about it, why not asked them to tell us? Did he also forget that Acy was there at the last pre-prod meeting -- the night he'd be revising the script? He could've told her about it since he was his Assistant Director. Why was she left out of it? The truth is, he didn't tell us because he knew that what he'd be doing was so damn wrong!

It was a big deal! He had disrespected us not only as the assigned group's writers but as part of the group and paying students of the workshop. He made us feel worthless -- twice! Why the hell did he OK'd the two scripts that we wrote when in fact he didn't like it? Besides, don't we have a say regarding the production? Are we just his mere staff and crew that we need to abide by his rules? Nah-uh! No, siree! In reality, we are the most important students in the workshop since we paid for it and he was just a mere scholar! Has he forgotten that?! We somehow paid for his part on the workshop!

Last night, I started writing him a letter stating all my feelings toward him and the production. I had smoothly written it. Thoughts just came pouring in so easily. Partly, we allowed this to happen because we didn't say a damn thing about it earlier. We kept our silence because of fear. Now that the shooting is over, there is no need to stay mum anymore. We have kept our feelings to ourselves long enough.

Aside from him, I have poured out my feelings of disappointment towards another person in our group. It wasn't about her per se but about the thing that I felt that she should have done -- inform us or ask if we knew about the script revision. I was hurt knowing that she knew about it and did not do anything. I thought she was a friend. But then, instead of somehow getting my point, she lashed out on me saying this and that! I tried explaining to her my side yet she kept on pushing her own disappointments about the group on me. In the end, I had to surrender. I couldn't get through to her and there was no point of arguing with her.

I was forwarding some of the messages I was sending to my friends in the group. I want them to know the steps that I have been taking although I made it clear that I won't drag their names. In the complaint letter, it was my name and Don's who was in it. In the letter to our director, it was I who was the signee. The most unexpected text came in today, "Jheck, ayokong madamay. I don't wanna get involved. I'm sorry. But I'm still your friend. I hope you understand." Because I was half-asleep when I read it, I told her that it was OK. I understand.

But then, I couldn't go back to sleep anymore. That message bothered me -- a lot! I suddenly felt a tweak of pain in my chest. My heart was beating as if I had a needle stuck right to it. It had hurt me a lot. It felt like I was dropped like a hot potato by someone close to me. The thing is, I told her, she need not fight the battle for me or with me. As long as we know that she supports us, that would be enough. The truth is, she didn't even need to say it. We just feel that she'd be standing by our side. However, it was a wrong presumption on my side.

It was that message that made me cry. I swear, it was unexpected. I was very much offended by it. It is so sad that we get support more from friends outside our group instead of within our group. Still, I refuse to believe the saying that "You only know who your friends are in times of crisis." Because I do not believe that she is not a friend, in the first place. Or could I just be in denial? My instincts about people are almost always true and as I think about it, I may be... Nah! I don't wanna think about it at the moment.

War is an ugly battle. No one wins in it. There will always be casualities along the way. It is sickening to think that we are just on our way to it yet bridges have already been burned... Relationships have already been defiled...

P.S.
Don is having an emotional battle of his own. His mom is sick and he couldn't tell his parents about what happened knowing that they'd get hurt by it. His mom sickness might worsened because of it.